"Life is tough and children need to learn how to deal with it."

[Bubble99]

We're considering home ed for DS1 when he finishes primary/junior school.

This is one of the comments we've heard against home ed and the more I think about it the more I disagree.

Why should children be subjected to even low-level bullying? Employees don't. Why should children?

I suppose it depends how 'tough' the experience of school is? Children need to learn how to fit in, but not at any cost?

My ds had a choice about going to school today. He has Aspergers and gets very tired at the end of term, so if it is really all too much for him we let him have a day off. But he was desperate to go in and do a show and tell with the dinosaur models he has made and tell his friends at school all about them. Meanwhile my three year old daughter ran into nursery this morning, absolutely thrilled about seeing her friends, having a nursery party and about sports day next week.
Now THAT'S why i send them to school. Not because of any utterly bizarre desire to expose them hypothetical bullying.
I must say, I find it really odd when people say HE = idyllic times on the bus and in shops v School - shut up in gradgrind style institution for 12 hours a day.
My children go/will go to school for just over half the year and come out at 3.30. There is oodles of time for buses and shops and meeting people of different ages and hanging out doing bugger all and even - shock - making dinosaur models and learning at home.

I do hope msdemeanor that neither of your children end up in the situation as some of ours. Because then you will be eating your words.

As parents we HE for many reasons, and taking the bulllying out of the equation, there are people whose ideas about how they wish their chidren to be educated differ from those of School.

We all do our best, for our children, whether educated at home or school, and if avoiding hypothetical bullying is a reason to Home Educate, good for them.

Hmm...why do I get the impressing FC that you do hope my ds is bullied at school? As it happens, due to his disabilities he is the kind of child who is often vulnerable to bullying and I keep a very close eye on things at school
But why on earth would I 'eat my words' - when my words are that I think it is really odd to assume that ALL children will definitely be bullied at school, and that is is equally odd to think in order to be bullied.

I think avoiding hypothetical bullying is not at all a good reason to home educate. I believe you should make your choices about education for positive reasons, not negative ones about avoiding something that may very well never ever happen.

I think that it depends entirely upon the needs of the DC. Forevercleaning has a sensible attitude. Some children love school, I adored it and I am very relieved that I went, I was a very shy and retiring child and I hate to think what I would have been like if I had been sheltered at home.I don't think it is good to always have your parents on hand to sort out problems and deal with things for you.
I find riven's views on school very depressing and completely alien to any schools that I know.
It would be interesting to know why OP thinks that her DC will experience bullying at secondary stage. Do you have dreadful schools in your area Bubble? Do you know children who have been bullied?The comprehensives in my area work hard to give a smooth transition from yr 6-yr7.

I disagree with that comment if by it, people mean children have to learn how to tolerate terrible behaviour. But I do think children do need to learn how to manage themselves in a range of situations.

Ack, distracted, I meant 'it is equally odd to think you should send your child to school in order that they get properly bullied'.
Nobody I know thinks like that. Their children really enjoy school most of the time. I think if you assume school life is always full of bullying then you are making a decision based on a total misapprehension.

I think when people say 'life is tough, they just have to deal with it' I don't think they necessarily mean bullying. I think they mean the fact that children at school have to learn to make decisions on their own and how to handle a class situation and groups of children not necessarily all like themselves and how sometimes they have to wait because they are ahead and most of the class isn't and sometimes they have to catch up a bit because they are a bit slow and on and on....and how to deal with situations with other children when there isn't necessarily a responsible adult watching etc.

Some people want that for their children, some don't. I can see why people do HE but could only ever envision it for a short period for some reason. Can't see how you'd manage a child's whole education at home (apart from the knowledge you'd have to have yourself which would be immense, even if using books). I could never do it (apart from the fact that both dh and I work anyway)!

No Msdemeanor, i would never hope that any child is bullied. Ever

Bullying is rife in schools, and most parents will know someone elses (if not their own) child who has been a victim of bullying.

Armed with this knowledge, some parents are alarmed enough to not want to take the risk of it happening to their own child, and therefore it would be a reason to think about HE.

Of course, not every child is bullied at school, but there is no denying there are sufficient numbers of children being HE because of it.

This is just one reason why parents look at an alternative education. There are many others.

TeacherSaysSo..'School is an obvious preparation for working with others'...and this is the bit that me 'learning to take instruction from tose in a higher position than you'
Not about bringing out a child's potential,helping them question,guiding them etc then?
Canon fodder is what you are saying.

I think that it is good to come across a whole range of people from different backgrounds. HE places the DCs environment totally under the control of the parent.A lot of children are also quite good at manipulating a parent so it is quite good to have adults that they can't manipulate. There was an interesting TV programme recently (I wish I could remember the name)where the children were badly behaved for their parents (in fact spoiled brats)but it showed them at school and they were the complete opposite because they had clearly defined boundries. I am not saying that HE children are spoiled brats!!Some parents are extremely good at the job and are able to delegate to Scouts etc and have well rounded children but some are not.

I disagree that bullying is 'rife' in most schools. If it was, then my ds would almost certainly be bullied. Yes, sometimes someone says something a bit mean to him, so we support him, tackle it, and give him strategies to help himself. And still, given teh choice between staying at home, he is excited about going to school, standing by the front door clutching his dinosaur models to show to his beloved teacher and friends. I think it would be a huge shame to make him miss out on that just in case he is bullied. It's like never getting a job just in case someone is mean to you in the office. Or never going on holiday in case your house burns down while you are away.
By all means choose to home educate, but surely it is better to make a decision like that for positive reasons?

why do you think your kid will be bullied anyway - seems like a lot or mummy's boy syndrome to me

your going to me nightmare MILs

who was that directed at custardo? me?

if the school is consistantly failing the child and it is an option available to you - then seems sensible

but as a form of bullying prevention - seems bizarre

Of course if your child was being hurt or badly neglected at school you'd do something pretty drastic - change schools, home educate, whatever - that goes without saying. But what we are talking about here is the idea that you shouldn't send your child to school just IN CASE they MIGHT be bullied and the other weird notion that you SHOULD send your child to school so they can be bullied. I think both are wrong, and based on the same belief that all children get bullied at school.
As it happens, I don't believe 8 out of ten children are bullied, and I'd like to know the definition of bullying in this case. As I said, my ds is vulnerable, and some kids have been mean to him, but it's stamped on really hard, and he's had children be mean to him in the park and at birthday parties, but I'm not going to prevent him leaving the house in order to protect him.

I don't think bullying is rife in schools. And I think many many schools deal with bullying very efficiently. Some don't of course and the pain that is caused to children is very real. I can understand taking a bullied child out of a school but not never sending them in case it might happen.

yeah its the " am not sending them in case they get bullied" thing thats weird

I fail to see where in this thread, anyone has said they are going to 'prevent them leaving the house to protect them?

I really think you need to look into HE a bit more before you come to such rediculous ideas!

There are very few HE children who do not meet with others. It is also a myth that these children are stuck with their parents to their sides for their entire childhood!

Most HE children have far more 'freedom' than those who go to school.

Actually for me if I had had the choice between school and my mum I would have chosen school but you haven't met my mum!

am not condemning HE

have already said that it can be a sensible choice.

so will not be drawn into an argument that doesn't apply thank you very much

No, dur, I said that - and it was nothing to do with HE'd kids! I said (sigh) that my dyspraxic/aspergers ds has had kids be mean to him (you might well call it bullying) in the park, at birthday parties and even at informal gatherings with friends in the local pub garden. So should I not let him go to these things, even though I know there is a chance he will be picked on? Of course not. That would mean keeping him under house arrest. I think being afraid to send your child to school just in case he might be bullied is a total over-reaction.

wasnt' talking to you custardo

You are trying to have an argument by claiming I said stuff that I didn't.
I never said HE'd kids never left the house. I said that if I was going to protect my kid from every hypothetical risk of bullying he would never leave the house. I think making a huge decision about your child's education based on fear and a misconception about a purely hypothetical risk is a mistake. I also think it is idiotic to send your child to school in the hope that they will be bullied.