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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Home education - scared I’m not good enough to do it

40 replies

MyTrivia · 22/06/2026 13:32

My daughter is in year 1 and she’s autistic with PDA profile. She is much cleverer than me, is by far the most academic of my children and she’s done very well academically at her school this year.

However, there is an ongoing problem with bullying at her school which is a small independent school. She had a brilliant year in reception and now everything has gone to pot. Two older girls have been bullying her all year, pinching, scratching and trying to stop her from joining in games. Hitting her when she gets a house point etc.

Her behaviour at home has become explosive since this bullying started and she has frequent meltdowns and won’t be away from me at all.

weve complained to school. At first the teacher was dismissive but then i presented evidence that it was happening and the girls admitted they deliberately hurt my dd. They were made to write letters of apology but apparently they are still being mean to her.

i don’t think this is helping her mental health at all and I think maybe we need to home educate but she’s bright and is already a free reader and is very good at maths etc. I don’t want to do anything that hinders her progress.

OP posts:
MyTrivia · 23/06/2026 15:55

Skybluepinky · 23/06/2026 15:40

Doesn’t sound like you will be good at home schooling, are there no other schools?

Do you home educate? It would be good to hear exactly what people’s experiences of it are.

I don’t think I will be able to know if I can do it until understanding what has / hasn’t worked for other people.

OP posts:
MyTrivia · 23/06/2026 15:56

The thing is that I looked at many schools and I’m familiar with many schools in my area already because dd is my youngest of 4.

OP posts:
scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 23/06/2026 18:21

I’m not sure why the pp thinks EHE means keeping DD at home. Some EHE DC spend all day every day out of the home.

MyTrivia · 23/06/2026 18:36

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 23/06/2026 18:21

I’m not sure why the pp thinks EHE means keeping DD at home. Some EHE DC spend all day every day out of the home.

That was my understanding too! I think some of the people commenting on this thread are anti HE. But I posted here because I wanted to hear from HE parents.

You don’t replicate the classroom at home, you find ways for the child not to be taught in a school but they still learn with a view to eventually take GCSEs.

i think it is worth saying that my town has quite a big HE community. One of the things my daughter would really miss at her private school is the lovely forest school provision but there is a purpose built one about 20 minutes drive away for HE families.

OP posts:
scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 23/06/2026 18:45

You might want to look at HEFA for info from parents who EHE.

While I wouldn’t EHE if I were you, there’s lots of options if that’s the route you decide on. There’s no one way. If there is a large home ed community locally, there are probably lots of opportunity for meet ups and groups if DD would enjoy those. Equally, they aren’t for everyone and you can home ed without attending any of them.

Redcliffe1 · 23/06/2026 18:50

My child has PDA but did well in our state primary school. He can't handle secondary school so I need to look at HE now but I am really pleased he had all those great years at primary.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 23/06/2026 18:56

Hi OP,

You sound like a lovely mum and it's to your credit that you are thinking things through thoroughly before committing to home ed.

I have an autistic DS and we home edded between the ages of 7 and 11. He's now in the SEN unit at our local state school. Next year he will have a predominantly mainstream timetable, with the option of support in the unit if he needs it.

IME bright autistic children can be very motivated to learn about their special interests. If your daughter is like this, you are in luck.

You can encourage her interests and provide resources and ideas for her "next steps". You don't necessarily need to be an expert. Just be an interested adult, willing to go on a journey with her.

For example, my son once expressed and interest in having a DNA test. A exploratory conversation revealed that he was interested in the idea of ethnicity rather than (say) the science of DNA.
We did the DNA test and I also got him a book on migration patterns through history which we read together.

If he'd been interested in the scientific nuts and bolts of DNA, I was prepared to take it in that direction and find him resources on biology and heritable characteristics.

I never quite had the courage to go full "unschooler" and rely completely on a 7 year old to write his own curriculum. But I did value the freedom to let him lean into his interests.

I look back very fondly on those days.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, OP

Saracen · 24/06/2026 12:27

In every school, there will be children that are not very nice and I do wonder whether this is just something she’s not going to be able to cope with, especially as kids get older and social rules get more complex.

I don't know whether this will be of any reassurance to you, but I believe that the vast majority of this not-nice behaviour is the result of schoolchildren spending so much time in an environment which is at least slightly stressful and unnatural for all of them. The school social setting is different from almost anywhere else, and has its particular challenges.

For example, during the school day, schoolchildren don't have easy access to adults who know them well, love them, and have time to help them. They are closely controlled and have little choice in how to spend their time, or with whom. For many hours every weekday they are with exactly the same set of kids. There is crowding and overstimulation. While many NT children can cope with that, it does take its toll. Sometimes they take it out on other people, or just go into survival mode, lacking the energy to be kind and helpful.

If you tune in to kids' behaviour in settings other than school, I think you'll notice they tend to be kinder. Relentless bullying is possible but rare in sports clubs, drama groups, neighbourhood playing, and home education groups. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. They are under less stress. They've chosen to be there, and presumably enjoy what they're doing. The adults around them are in a position to intervene, and even kick out troublemakers. Parents may be on hand. Even if kids are treated badly, ultimately they have the option of leaving, choosing a different football team or swim lesson.

Most adults aren't deliberately unkind to each other. We tolerate and sometimes even celebrate quirkiness. So in the very long run, your daughter doesn't have to conform completely to complex social rules in order to survive. In the short run, she'll often be fine outside of school, though maybe not at school.

My younger daughter, who's 19, doesn't have autism. She does have a learning disability and has never been like other kids. I can count on the fingers of one hand the times someone has been really unpleasant to her over it. I'm sure that's linked to the fact she has never been to school. She has many friends of all ages and abilities who like her for who she is. There are others who feel that she isn't really their cup of tea, but they politely do their own thing and aren't hurtful about it. Socially, home education has been the making of her. Nobody has ever given her the idea that there is something wrong with her. She's happy and confident.

VikingLady · 24/06/2026 13:25

I home educate my kids. Both PDA, autistic with ADHD.

I would strongly recommend finding your local home ed group on Facebook and asking if you can go along to a few meet ups before you decide. You can see how other people do it, see how their kids are, have informal chats about the whole process and whether it would suit you.

I did that and it really helped. DD wasn’t doing well at school, she was constantly bullied and was turning into a defiant furious nightmare of a child. Chatting to other parents who’d been through the same gave me the nerve to take her out of school. Genuinely, it gave me my kid back. But I’d never have had the nerve (or knowledge!) without those meet ups!

Phineyj · 24/06/2026 18:20

I have a daughter with PDA who has an EHCP and is in year 8 of a mainstream comprehensive (doing OK academically, one good friend).

Your LA can say whatever they like. Doesn't stop you doing a parental request for EHCNA although you'd probably have to appeal refuse to assess and maybe refuse to issue too (we did - it was a bore but it was done in two school years).

Phineyj · 24/06/2026 18:21

I meant to add that DD also went to an independent prep.

hotSunnnyWeather · 24/06/2026 18:29

If you’re not set on home ed then do pursue the EHCP to get additional support in school and you maybe to get a EOTAS package after a long drawn out fight via tribunal. However the changes coming in around the send reforms and welfare bill may make this even harder. If she’s not happy in school then take her out and give it a try for a year. She’s young enough that there’s normally lots going on for the younger ones. We were a “not out of choice” forced into home Ed for secondary school. But 3 years on we’ve found our grove and my teen is much happier and now thriving after a period of burnout. They are now taking some IGCSE’s early. Definitely join HEFA on Facebook and find your local FB home Ed groups to explore options. There’s 1000s of us now. Good luck.

Iamthemoom · 24/06/2026 18:53

We had a similar struggle with bullying in a small independent and tried everything to get it resolved before resorting to home ed. We home educated from 10-16 but we have an incredible home Ed centre nearby where dd studied maths, English, Latin, French and sciences and humanities up to gcse. We did some home tutoring too and dance, drama, martial arts classes after school hours. So she had a lot of contact with other kids and wasn’t isolated. But we met lots of children tutored solely at home and just socialising at home Ed groups, forest school or via hobby groups too.

It worked well for us so dd could progress at her accelerated speed (she took some of her GCSE’s at 12 and 13). We did look at other schools first but didn’t find one that would work for us. DD went back into school for sixth form and seems to have done incredibly well. She was able to keep up socially and academically with very few issues and zero bullying.

I hope you find the right path for your family. It does rather depend on home Ed resources in your area. You could chat with the mum you mention who has done this locally perhaps to get a sense of what’s available. Good luck.

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 24/06/2026 21:35

hotSunnnyWeather · 24/06/2026 18:29

If you’re not set on home ed then do pursue the EHCP to get additional support in school and you maybe to get a EOTAS package after a long drawn out fight via tribunal. However the changes coming in around the send reforms and welfare bill may make this even harder. If she’s not happy in school then take her out and give it a try for a year. She’s young enough that there’s normally lots going on for the younger ones. We were a “not out of choice” forced into home Ed for secondary school. But 3 years on we’ve found our grove and my teen is much happier and now thriving after a period of burnout. They are now taking some IGCSE’s early. Definitely join HEFA on Facebook and find your local FB home Ed groups to explore options. There’s 1000s of us now. Good luck.

If by welfare bill you mean the Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026, it doesn’t make pursuing and securing EOTAS/EOTIS any harder for the OP.

No-one knows how the SEND reforms will change things. Especially around EOTAS/EOTIS. I wouldn’t be making decisions on what may or may not happen at some point in the future.

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