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Home ed

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Original poster

Be honest, I want everyone's views......what do you think of home ed???

696 replies

3Ddonut · 16/02/2008 15:19

I suspect this may get nasty, but please try to keep it nice ladies (and gents) I really like the idea of home ed, I would dearly love to home ed my dc but there are some problems, firstly I work 3 nights a week and my dh works 2 full days,my eldest dd is 5 and she really loves school, but some of things that she says about school unsettle me, I always said that it is their choice if they want to go to school or not, which is why she is there and my ds is in nursery but I wish she'd want to stay home and the longer that she's there, the more I feel that we're wasting time...

I've read a lot of the other threads and see that you can do some home-ed stuff alongside school but I don't think that it's enough for me, I want them to remain interested and not be moved on from one thing too quickly or forced to spend time on things they dislike.

We're already a close family because of mine and dh's shifts there is nearly always someone in the house and we get to spend a lot of time with the kids. I suppose I'd just like it to be more of the same.

My main concerns are that the dc would resent us for it in the future (although I would not take a happy child out of school) I also worry about the effect of home ed-ing the children would have on future employers and university places, I do worry about the socialisation aspect although the kids are in a few groups and are very social, they interact well with adults as well as other children, I'm concerned about how much time I'd have to work with them with working full time myself (no opportunity to cut hours)

I'm going round in circles at the min, I think my ds would be more open to the idea and I'm considering not sending dd2 to nursery at all.

The other biggie is that the school they attend is out of area and it's a really good one, they wouldn't get back in there if we deregistered, I've considered flexi-schooling but I feel that would bring more problems than solutions....

OK, Open fire!!!

OP posts:
Mercy · 20/02/2008 14:57

That's very interesting Seeker. (have been looking out for your experiences from a previous thread!)

Are you the only home educated person on MN or are there others?

SueBaroo · 20/02/2008 14:58

seeker, s'ok, I don't mind that people disagree with our choices regarding the content of our children's education.

SueBaroo · 20/02/2008 14:59

lol, I kind of feel like the black sheep of the MN HE parents, being the religious one!

seeker · 20/02/2008 15:01

I was going to start a thread, Mercy, after that other one, but I found myself writing a book every time I tried so I gave up. I'll add a bit more to this one if it looks appropriate.

Blandmum · 20/02/2008 15:03

Sue, a serious question, do you prevent your child from learning about other belief systems?

Or do you let them learn and say 'Other people believe this but we don't'?

Because the family I'm thinking about didn't want the child to have any exposure to differening ideas. And that was what worried me

seeker · 20/02/2008 15:03

Sue - I'm sorry. I know you home educate for religious reasons, but I kind of assumed from what I "know" of you that you wouldn't want to protect your children from other points of view, even if you do teach them yours.

peanutbear · 20/02/2008 15:04

I think HE sounds like a great idea I would love to do it for my son but I worry wether we would get through all the work he needs to do
I also worry about his socialisation but I feel he doesnt get much of that at school anyway

BUt he has ASD he is bright at Maths just getting into reading

In conclusion if you think you can do it go for it There is a lot of stuff that goes on in school that I would rather my children missed out on

Heathcliffscathy · 20/02/2008 15:05

is some of this about control?

i'm very interested in HE, but i also recognise in me the fear of outside influence, and i KNOW that ds needs it. he need a bigger world than I can provide him with at home, he needs to experience being part of a bigger picture, and i'm pretty sure the part of me that wants to HE is a very control freak part that figures I am the only person that should be nurturing him.

Playingthewaitinggame · 20/02/2008 15:13

seeker dont leave the thread, the whole idea of this thread is supposed to be an exchange of opinions on Home Ed, and you have some very valid one to bring to the discussion. Its is slightly ironic that all of the things you missed out on by not going to school were the activities I used to do out of school! I was never in a school play, orchestra or team but I was part of the local youth theatre, local orchestra and played rugby at the local club and I was friends with a vast number of people from my out of school activities from a huge range of backgrounds.

I do agree that socialisation is incredibly important and you would need to make a big effort to make sure you kids were involved in as many different activities as possible with as wide a range of people as possible.

TheodoresMummy · 20/02/2008 15:17

I was HEd until I was 10.

We moved house at this time and the schools and general area were much 'better' than where we were before.

So I did final year of primary school and all of secondary.

I am 30 now tho, so was AGES ago !!

SueBaroo · 20/02/2008 15:19

MB, it's all about the context in which they learn things for us. So, we're 100% that our beliefs are true, and we present them to our children in that manner.

But my kids aren't daft, they know that not everyone thinks the way we do. We have friends from very different worldviews (only yesterday we had a wedding invitation from a Hindu friend).

Christianity is the 'grid' by which we make sense of the world as a family - it's not a shield against the outside world (in fact, it makes no sense if the outside world isn't involved).

But we start from Christianity and work outwards, because that's our frame of reference.

I'm not going to be introducing education about Islam to anywhere near the same level as we teach our own faith to them, though. But I will expect them to have a thorough understanding of what other people believe (or indeed don't believe, my Dad's an atheist) in due time.

Seeker, I was being a little bit cheeky, no offense taken or intended.

Playingthewaitinggame · 20/02/2008 15:24

Mercy, I think there are more people on here who have been home educated. I wouldn't count myself as one of them because although I was at home all of my last year of secondary school I was too ill for most of it to do any work, mind you I obviously did enough to pass 3 GCSE's, even so I don't think 1 year really counts .

TheodoresMummy · 20/02/2008 15:27

A question regarding socialisation generally.

My DS (4.3) is not the slightest bit interested in playing with other children.

He has one or two 'friends' at nursery who he is fond of, but hasn't a clue how to play with them really and tbh just doesn't seem to want to.

He likes to interact with adults and also plays alone quite happily.

I know that he would rather be in an environment with adults rather than other children.

Sooooo...should I go with him on this ?

Or should I expose him to lots of situations where he will have to get used to being with other kids ?

I know what I think, but wonder whether others would agree.

Am off to the park with DS now (in case anyone replies and thinks i've buggered off).

SueBaroo · 20/02/2008 15:39

TM, well, my 1st and 3rd girls are very gregarious and outgoing and much prefer the company of others if they have the choice. My 2nd is very much more introspective and prefers to be on her own - she comes out of her shell when she's ready, iyswim.

If I put her in a group of other children with the express purpose of bringing her out of herself, it wouldn't work because that's just not her personality. She's like me in many ways, and I don't shine in a group setting, especially if I absolutely have to be there

When she is in a group setting, she manages because it's something she has mentally prepared for. Everyday, I think it would squash her, really. Just my experience, of course.

scattyspice · 20/02/2008 15:47

I'd say TM that you should give him opportunities to feel comfortable in the company of other children (which you already do as he goes to nursery). Perhaps take him to parties and be prepared to join in as well if necessary (I was always the only mum on the bouncy castle until DS found his feet).
Some kids are natural introverts and don't need others in the same way. Others are shy extroverts and would love to join in but don't know how.

TheodoresMummy · 20/02/2008 17:30

Personally,I feel that to put him into school full time would def not be in his interests.

The school we have got him into are flexible and would allow him to go part time (although have not discussed in detail with them yet), but do not usually fill all their places which they have this year !!

My feeling is that if they cannot offer part time, he will not go.

I asked what you thought because a few friends have offered their POV which is that because of the way he is socially, he ought to go to school to learn to socialise with other children.

My POV is that there is nothing wrong with him not wanting to play with other children. I wouldn't shield him from other children if HEd, but wouldn't push it either.

discoverlife · 20/02/2008 17:59

Sometimes (cringing from the blast) the so called socialing at school is very very bad for a child. If he is different, he WILL get teased, If not outright bullying, if he is a sensitive child, it WILL hurt him.

juuule · 20/02/2008 18:03

I completely agree, Discoverlife.

Original poster
3Ddonut · 20/02/2008 18:13

Hi, quick message as I'm on my way out to work again soon, I'm only up to 09:17 post but I'll read the rest tonight.

I want to say thankyou all for your comments, I'm really glad that I started this thread as I'm seeing things much more clearly and I've made a decision that I'm happy with, thankyou so much for that.

Jasper you're post made me laugh this morning!

MB thankyou for your input, I value your comments as you show how a good teacher and a good school can be (will try to work out where you are )

Just to respond to the poster (sorry can't remember your name) who expressed concern at my thoughts of wishing that my dd would like to stay home, as I have said throughout the thread, I would not take a happy child out of school, the decision to school or HE is always down to my children and HE would be a lifestyle choice for the family, so no matter what I wish, it's up to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Ddonut · 20/02/2008 18:15

dippy, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with school, what an awful situation, I'd have been livid.

As I've said before, if I had some of the experiences that some of you have I would be in no doubt that HE would be the best option.

OP posts:
jollydo · 20/02/2008 18:32

Theodore's Mummy - I agree with you about letting your child set the pace wrt mixing with other children. My ds is very happy & confident playing with 1 or 2 other children, but clingy as anything in a larger group (in fact he often just wants to leave). I, too, think that full-time school this Sept. would be painfully hard for him and completely knock his confidence, so we are going to HE him until we think he is ready (or forever if he & we decide it is working great - because a lot of the educational/lifestyle advantages appeal to us too). It drives me mad when people "advise" me that he needs to be thrown in at the deep end (as I see it) to "socialise" him. As if children should (or could) be cured of their natural tendency to be introverted or shy. I'm sure in his case it would be counter-productive.

seeker · 20/02/2008 18:43

Sue - don't worry, I haven't really left the thread - I just went shopping. I know you don't get offended that easily!

It's not the organized socialization I would worry about a home edd'ed child losing out on - it's it informal, child initiated socialization. yes, sometimes this isn't particularly pleasant, but it seems to me that it's an essential part of development. When I say not particularly pleasant, I don't mean bullying or real nastiness - something has to be dona about that QUICKLY - but the normal give and take of childhood. And I really don't think you can get that in either sports clubs and so on or in the necessarily slightly controlled environment of parent's friends children, or EO activities.

TheodoresMummy · 20/02/2008 19:04

What kind of child initiated socialisation do you mean seeker ?

jollydo · 20/02/2008 19:21

Surely if HE'd children play at other friends' houses (HE'd friends or friends who are at school) and play with friends in the street / local parks etc. (if the area is safe to do so) then that is fairly 'uncontrolled' and child-initiated. Can't HE'd children still choose their own friends and meet people (away from adult supervision) that they don't get on with / have disputes with etc.
Obviously you have experience of this, Seeker, which I haven't, but I would hope that if I HE my children they will mix in a variety of settings with a variety of people. Does HE make this impossible? We have children living all around us and I hope my children will still meet and play with them.

seeker · 20/02/2008 19:23

I mean the making of friendships - and even enemies. The silly games, the giggling, the messing about - and the occasional serious conversation.

This starts at different times for different children. Some, like your ds, aren't very interested in other children for quite a long time. But I think (my opinion only) that the opportunity needs to be there. Relationships with adults are very important - but so is "the secret world of children" I don't think it's a good idea for all of childhood to be watched and known about by adults.