Be honest, I want everyone's views......what do you think of home ed???

[3Ddonut]

I suspect this may get nasty, but please try to keep it nice ladies (and gents) I really like the idea of home ed, I would dearly love to home ed my dc but there are some problems, firstly I work 3 nights a week and my dh works 2 full days,my eldest dd is 5 and she really loves school, but some of things that she says about school unsettle me, I always said that it is their choice if they want to go to school or not, which is why she is there and my ds is in nursery but I wish she'd want to stay home and the longer that she's there, the more I feel that we're wasting time...

I've read a lot of the other threads and see that you can do some home-ed stuff alongside school but I don't think that it's enough for me, I want them to remain interested and not be moved on from one thing too quickly or forced to spend time on things they dislike.

We're already a close family because of mine and dh's shifts there is nearly always someone in the house and we get to spend a lot of time with the kids. I suppose I'd just like it to be more of the same.

My main concerns are that the dc would resent us for it in the future (although I would not take a happy child out of school) I also worry about the effect of home ed-ing the children would have on future employers and university places, I do worry about the socialisation aspect although the kids are in a few groups and are very social, they interact well with adults as well as other children, I'm concerned about how much time I'd have to work with them with working full time myself (no opportunity to cut hours)

I'm going round in circles at the min, I think my ds would be more open to the idea and I'm considering not sending dd2 to nursery at all.

The other biggie is that the school they attend is out of area and it's a really good one, they wouldn't get back in there if we deregistered, I've considered flexi-schooling but I feel that would bring more problems than solutions....

OK, Open fire!!!

A lot of children at school mess up their exams. It's a myth to say everyone gets As these days. My brother at 15 at school only started working hard (he went to Cambridge to do medicine) because he decided he wanted to be a doctor and then the work started. But I do think if you have some conventional qualifications at normal kind of age it does smooth the path. No reason you can't get them at home. I taught myself one GCSE when I was 15. It's not that hard.

AmuminScotland - does it accord the same courtesy to people who for a variety of reasons send their children to school?

Seeker - it does indeed! My DS was in school until recently, and now is HE via an internet school - I have absolutely no problem with schools, and would do my best to squash any negativity on that thread. It was only started in the hope that people wanting practical advice about the possibility HE would not get swamped with the whole debate about HE vs schools. (This thread is intended to be a debate, and I have no problem with that, but some get rather side-tracked when that was not their original purpose)

I have just got home from picking up two of my dc from another home educators 18th birthday party. (dd1 couldn't go as she is away at work)
A great night was apparently had by all (whole families went along, I'm sorry this lurgy kept me from attending) and it seems about 20 teens and young people stayed over afterwards. Almost everyone of them autonomously home educated.
A quick sweep amongst the young people still there when I arrived (two had already got up and left for work)three are at Uni, (other friends at Uni couldn't make it) and of the rest, they are either at college doing GCSEs/A levels/other qualifications, doing distance learning qualifications (including OU courses) or at work.

Not one is unemployed.
Lovely bunch of people, that it is a pleasure to be with, everyone of them. Listening to their life plans is really quite exciting.

Someone mentioned somewhere about autonomously living teenagers rebelling.

In my experience, no they don't.
In our house we try and practise consensual living-there were five people living in our house (and another three adult stepchildren who come and go) and what one person does impacts upon another so we try and live without conflict.
I have seen this written about it and would agree.
"Consensual living is a process, a philosophy, a mindset by which we seek to live in harmony with our families and community. It involves finding mutually agreed upon solutions, where the needs of both parties are not only considered but addressed. Everyone?s wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age. Conflicting wants or needs are discussed and mutually agreeable solutions are created or negotiated which meet the underlying needs of all parties."

Generally this works really well for our family.
I have parented a step child more conventionally all the way through school and certainly know which, for us and the youngsters involved, has led to a much happier teenage stage.

Not all home educated families parent in this way, so don't expect everyone to agree with our way of doing things.
(In fact getting home educators to agree on anything is like herding cats!!)

They will be making different choices about parenting as well as education.
I'm not into shooting them down.
The Rejoicing link posted previously as well, will go some way to adding to this, if anyone actually wants to find out more.

Is that not how most of us parent though even if we don't home educate? I would have have thought any group of people living together try to live in that way.

Well Xenia, not if reading the parenting and behaviour threads on MN is anything to go by.

Naughty step ? Sticker Charts ? 'Tapping' on the hand ?

(not excluding myself from these btw, so not saying they are wrong or right, but don't think they would feature much in what JNS is talking about).

I don't do any of that which may be why I feel comfortable with home educators and nor did my parents either and I think they did a good job with us. My father campaigned to abolish CP in schools - he's a psychiatrist and my mother would have been influenced by the childcare principles she had been interested in as a teacher, Montessori, freedom of the child etc. SO you imbibe what your parents do and pass it down. Thus those who were thumped and caned and spanked say it never did me any harm and wallop the children when they misbehave in the supermarkets like parents from another age, a different species, a lower kind of organism which cannot help itself because of the parenting to which it was subjected.

Well...I've finally got to the end of this epic thread!!!! I want to say again, thankyou for all of your comments, your arguments and oppinions are all valued (well considered at least ) and I have never been privvy to such diverse oppinions on the subject of HE. I have been able to hear the views of HE'ers and teachers, people who were HE'd and it's all fascinating. I do think that I have made my mind up and for the first time in 5 years I have found the kind of information I was looking for to make an 'informed' decision. I already had all the 'facts' I just wanted to hear your views, so thankyou all!!!!

(3D, when you start a thread, you really start a thread! )

Oh you TEASE!!!!!

Or are you keeping your decision secret?

"I have found the kind of information I was looking for to make an 'informed' decision."

Yah!

Good luck with whatever you choose.

After 687 posts are you going to leave us in the dark as to your decision?!

Oh she's going for it isn't she? I think she decided about half way through

You don't have to home educate to try to live consensually - there are a lot of people who try very hard to live like that. And as a small aside - I don't see why you can't have sticker charts while trying to live consensually. The washing up still needs to get done, and some members of the community might need a bit more of an incentive than the satisfaction of a job well done! I certainly needed a glass of wine as a reward for blitzing the kitchen after Sunday lunch for 14 yesterday!

Glad the thread helped 3D.

I've learned a lot from this thread. It's been a good one.

Just wanted to pop back on to wish 3D all the best (been avoiding the recent arguments as many of them were addressed earlier down the thread). Hope this has given you the strength/insight to decide which option is best for you and your family and good luck with your chosen option. I would also like to say a personal thank you to all the contributors on what has (for the most part) been a fascinating thread. I think for me what it has made me realise is that both options can be fantastic. School really can work for many kids with good teachers, a good school and at home family support just as Home ed really can work for some children too. I feel that when it comes my time to decide I really will have a choice, whereas (unless I could afford private school or move house) I wouldn't have had a choice as there is only one infant, junior and secondary school in catchment. I have a much more positive image of HE now and it is an exciting and interesting option just as some posters (MB for one) have reminded me that some schools can be fantastic so I must not rule out that option either. For me what has been enlightening is hearing so many positive views on HE, you don't often get to hear that. Also it has been interesting to hear how certain perceived HE issue are addressed, for example, I would worry a lot less about socialisation now.

Thank you all.

I think I will leave you all in the dark - suffice to say that the decision that i have come to and feel happy with is not the one I thought it would be! I suppose the decision that I have made is for now but may not necessarily always be that way

MB, I'm quite pleased with how well this thread has turned out and now my dh is wondering where you teach!!! I guess it's not a million miles away?!

Thanks for ALL your comments, you have all been more than helpful!!!

I would love to know- but I think you have actually made a wise decision not to say!
The important thing is that you realise you might change your mind.
Where it works best is where it is child led, I know of one person who is very anti school but she let her DCs try it when they wanted to, she was relieved when they reverted to HE but I admired the fact that she let them try and would have supported them at school if they had made the decision to stay.
The person that I know best let her DSs attend part time to take the GCSE's they wanted (the school was agreeable) and they then became full time in 6th form and fitted in well.The school that was happy to accommodate part time was a big comprehensive so it is always worth approaching a school-don't just assume that they wouldn't allow it.
It worries me a lot when the parent is so anti school that the DC has no choice or wouldn't want to upset the parent by disagreeing.

I have seen on this thread parents saying I hate school but My DC loves it. To my mind that is a very simple choice-the fact that DC loves it all that matters!

seeker, can I just say you are not invisible I thought your comments were very useful as in fact you know better than any of us opiniated mums what it means to be co-ed.

I do think it is a shame some of your comments weren't addressed bY HEs...but it would be great if some more He children came and discussed what they thought..where are they all?????

Thanks AbbeyA, I just think that whichever way I 'jump' I will upset someone, and I agree and disagree with both sides on some issues!!!!