Be honest, I want everyone's views......what do you think of home ed???

[3Ddonut]

I suspect this may get nasty, but please try to keep it nice ladies (and gents) I really like the idea of home ed, I would dearly love to home ed my dc but there are some problems, firstly I work 3 nights a week and my dh works 2 full days,my eldest dd is 5 and she really loves school, but some of things that she says about school unsettle me, I always said that it is their choice if they want to go to school or not, which is why she is there and my ds is in nursery but I wish she'd want to stay home and the longer that she's there, the more I feel that we're wasting time...

I've read a lot of the other threads and see that you can do some home-ed stuff alongside school but I don't think that it's enough for me, I want them to remain interested and not be moved on from one thing too quickly or forced to spend time on things they dislike.

We're already a close family because of mine and dh's shifts there is nearly always someone in the house and we get to spend a lot of time with the kids. I suppose I'd just like it to be more of the same.

My main concerns are that the dc would resent us for it in the future (although I would not take a happy child out of school) I also worry about the effect of home ed-ing the children would have on future employers and university places, I do worry about the socialisation aspect although the kids are in a few groups and are very social, they interact well with adults as well as other children, I'm concerned about how much time I'd have to work with them with working full time myself (no opportunity to cut hours)

I'm going round in circles at the min, I think my ds would be more open to the idea and I'm considering not sending dd2 to nursery at all.

The other biggie is that the school they attend is out of area and it's a really good one, they wouldn't get back in there if we deregistered, I've considered flexi-schooling but I feel that would bring more problems than solutions....

OK, Open fire!!!

We home ed because it suits us as a family. Our 2 dds 8&9 loved their time at school and will probably return in a few years. We travel a lot and this way we can all stay together. Socialisation has never been an issue but it is what we are asked and quizzed about all the time. I love the freedom and flexibility of our day. I love the unpredictability and I guess I love the unstructured days.
One poster wrote it should always be about the children.....in our case it wasn't...it was about us as a family. So far it is working well and our girls are happy and bright.

MI "FWIW, I want my children educated outside the domestic arena - I actively want them to experience a different setting,"

(Home education provides that)

"which HEdding by definition doesn't offer (yes I know you go out lots, but it's called Home Edding for a reason, it's based in the home);"

(Showing your ignorance of what home-education is about here.)

"I want them to experience a range of different adults as well as children in their lives;"

(Home education provides that)

"and I also want them to spend time with the kids whose education is not of paramount importance to their parents,"

(Home education provides that as equally well as school)

"which again by definition HEdding won't
provide."
(Again showing your ignorance of what home-education is about here.)

I think home education is fantastic I only wish I could have the patience, skill and dedication to do it myself. I admire all those that home educate........I take my hat off to you

Dr. Northerner - Tbh, I would never dream of hoem edding my kids.

(Your valid choice)

"For a start, I don't feel I have the right skills or qualifications to do it,"

(Some people don't feel like that but again that's your decision)

"and secondly I think kids learn so much more at school than just the curicculum."

(Some find the curriculum far to restrictive)

"Also, school is part of life,"

(it doesn't have to be)

"it is something imo that has to be done, and taking your kid out is well, not good I don't think."

(In your opinion. It's good for lots of children and it isn't something that has to be done.)

"We all have to do things we don't want to or don't like at times - it's part of life."

(What makes you think that home-ed kids don't have to do things they don't like at times.
How many things do you continue doing that you really don't like?)"

"Protecting kids from bullies of course I can understand that, but surly equipping our kids with the skills to handle this is better than removing them?"

Being bullied can completely destroy your confidence. Putting a child in a situation day in and day out does nothing to teach them skills for dealing with a bully. No, in some cases, it is far better to remove them.

Juule, please don't take this personally. You have made your decision to HE and that's great, it's obviously working well for you, but you don't need to justify it to other people, as you so rightly said, 'that's your oppinion' and oppinions are what I asked for, from everyone this isn't an anti-HE thread and it's not an anti-school thread, I simply wanted some different view points on the subject, so that I would be best equipped to make my decision.

I'm glad that I started this thread, I have some different viewpoints that I haven't heard before (the one that springs to mind, is the lady who is in admissions for uni, saying how she loves a HE candidate! - sorry can't remember your name) There are some views I agree with, quality family time, pressure off from peers and exams, autonomous learning, providing a stimulating environment and socialisation being achieved in a HE setting for example, there are also some I don't agree with but that's what makes the world go round isn't it? some people we agree with, some we don't.

Discoverlife and Juule, I value your oppinions and we have 'spoken' on other threads and I've read many of your posts, I'm upset to think that you're upset by some posts, but please remember they are not sleighting you, they are merely the oppinions that I asked for!

Hi Dr Northener!! How are you? Haven't seen you around much lately!!!

3Dd - each to their own. If you do decide to do it I guess it will be very rewarding and quite hard work. Personally I couldn't do it. I do feel very strongly, however, that very loving and unconditional parenting, consistency, constant care, and attention to your children as individuals all have a damn sight more to do with how adults turn out in later life than which school they went to (or didn't). Poor parenting does more damage to children than poor schooling ever can, and good (and informed) parenting will have more influence than the best school ever can. So take heart in whatever your decision turns out to be. So long as you are passionate about bringing up your children as best you can you are probably 80% there in turning them into great sucessful adults, so you are only really debating about the remaining 20% or so.

I have both. Children in school and also Home Ed one.

The older one 13, loves school and is doing really well, has friends, and has chosen to be there. (they are all given the choice)

Middle one is Home Ed and loves it. Has lots of activities and is very well socialised with football clubs, swimming and Scouts, as well as playing with the children in the area we live in who go to school.

Little one is at primary and it suits him at the moment but may spend secondary school years being home ed, a decision he will make when he is ready.

I really love home educating. It is a lot of fun but equally happy if they are enjoying school.

Good luck!

3ddonut - I'm not sure what you think I should be (or should not be) taking offence at.
If you are referring to my responses to MI and DrNortherner, I had not taken offence but I did feel the need to correct some misconceptions about HE which perpetuate the myths about it.

There is no harm in voicing concerns people may have who don't home-ed. There is, however, harm in putting forward those concerns as actual fact. I may have misread MI and DrN posts but that is how they came across to me. They appeared to be saying their personal concerns (as people with no involvement in HE) were the reality of HE. I just wanted to point out that they are not.

Just read your post, Squiffy, and think you make an excellent point.

Hi 3Ddonut - I'm good thanks - how's you?

Are there any stats available on how home ed kids actualy fare leter in life or not?

Do home ed kids take GCSE's and stuff? Excuse my ignorance - I'm just curious.

I should imagine home ed is a huge responsibility and a time consuming task for parents - one I would not relish. Also what about all the resources, facilities and equipment avaiable in schools. You don't get a sports hall and a science lab in your average 3 bed semi do you?

I could never and would never home ed.

I know of people that have home-educated their children either because of bullying where a child has been taken out of school, or because a child has had sn and the parents have felt let down y the education system, for eg where a child has not had adequate support in ms school.

But I know two adults who were home educated and they are two of the most socially inept people I have ever met - no social skills what so ever. Now maybe they would have had no social skills either way, but I find the fact they were home-educated and socially lacking more than just a coincidence.

I'm sure that lots of people home educate with great results, but imo it's important to be sure you will get it right because if you will the results can be catastrophic. If one teacher in school gets it wrong the child will move on to the next teacher and chances are they're not all going to get it wrong, whereas if you home-educate there's only you to ensure the results.

I am really interested in HE too. I am a primary teacher, and though I LOVE my job, and try to make the curriculum as stimulating as possible, the downside of school-ed is really obvious to me -
2 hours a day of numeracy and literacy and so little time for the interesting and inspiring parts of the curriculum
a class of 29 other children, some of which will continually need the teachers attention
the fact that the experiences of a class can widely vary because of the kids in it - a well behaved class can learn sooo much, a class with a few 'naughty' kids in will learn a lot less (ime)
having to learn what you are told to learn, not what interests you
I could go on (and I'm sure some schools do cater for all this, but not any of the ones I have taught in)

so I would be very interested in HE, but again the dreaded concern - Socialisation! I am sure they do mix with a variety of other people, but surely it depends on the HE group in your area?

Funnily enough, we don't actually go out of our way to organize lots of social mixing for dc. They spend most of their time with each other. The eldest has one club in the week, and they go to the park and Sunday School. I don't drive (yet!) so we haven't joined the HE group as yet, but even when we do, I wouldn't see it as a vital element in them having the ability to interact successfully with other people.

I agree with wannaBe that as HE parents, it's very much down us. But I quite like that aspect of it.

DrNortherner - if you do a search on Julienoshoes posts I think she has covered most of what you are asking and more.

ratbunny - DD2 (10) sees HE'd friends once a week on average. She sees her other friends at rugby, trampolining, music group, ballet and when they're not at school. So IME it's more to do with how you arrange your lives than what the HE group is like. I do know families who's main social contact is HE groups, and others who don't use groups at all.
DD1 (14 and at school) has no contact whatsoever with anyone she was at primary school with (bar one girl who she occasionally emails) as they had nothing in common, other than being in the same class.
It's so dependent on how you are as a family and how your DC are as individuals, as to how well (or not) they socialise, and who you/they choose to socialise with. HE can make it easier (as in less pressure) for some less confident children - I know personally of two who until the age of 8 or so wouldn't leave their mum's sides - literally - but now, with no expecations that they "should" be doing anythign different, are happy to run off with their friends.

Has anyone any experience with flexi-schooling? this is something i am considering as a best of both worlds.

WannaBe - "But I know two adults who were home educated and they are two of the most socially inept people I have ever met - no social skills what so ever. Now maybe they would have had no social skills either way, but I find the fact they were home-educated and socially lacking more than just a coincidence."

I'm not suggesting that you are wrong about the 2 people you know (as it's you who knows them ), but I do feel the need here to point out that I know/have met a huge number of people who I consider(ed) to be socially inept and they all went to school.

"If one teacher in school gets it wrong the child will move on to the next teacher and chances are they're not all going to get it wrong, whereas if you home-educate there's only you to ensure the results".

When my children were in primary school, there was one teacher for YR-Y2, and one teacher for Y3-Y6.

Now they are HE, they learn lots of different things from lots of different people.

And the fact that DH and I get to ensure the results is a definite advantage, because the DCs are actually learning and progressing now.

Because we ensure that the people who teach them have the skills to enable the children to learn effectively.

The perception that an HE child only receives input and ideas from their parents is inaccurate, ime.

Definitely agree HumphreyCushion. Any time I toy with HE it is definitely with the idea that there would be tutors involved for some of it. I see myself more in a headmistress role!

But that is one of the joys of HE - there is great variety in the reasons as to why people do it, and pretty much uniqueness in how each family does it. It is something that is very hard to generalise about.

It is VERY hard to generalise on.
The only thing we have definately got in common is that our children do not go to school.

I have said elsewhere, that getting home educators to agree on anything, or even to move in the same general direction, is like herding cats!

I am not school bashing, nor taking insult at other's posts, but I can see exactly what juuule means -it is very hard, as part of a minority community on mumsnet, to sit on my hands and say nothing in response to people's inaccurate perceptions of HE.

Someone on the main HE lists today said that finding out the realities of home education, is like Alice stepping through the 'Looking Glass' -and finding there is a whole world that she knew nothing about.

She is exactly right!

When we deregistered our three I could not imagine that there was a way of home educating children totally informally, and getting them up to the standard where they can go to FE college to do A levels as our ds did or to the level where they will start an OU degree course.
And most especially I simply had no idea that there was this fabulous supportive HE community out here.

My children have a social life that is the envy of their schooled peers and cousins, as I have said many times.
Whereas before, the reality for my children (and I am not saying this goes for all children) was that they were miserable and unhappy at school, mostly because of their dyslexia.
School can be the unhappiest place in the world for a child who doesn't fit in.

Sending three desperately unhappy children to school very day was much more difficult than home educating them in an totally autonomous/informal/unstructured way.
Have a read about the difference between informal and formal home ed

In my, probably not so humble opinion, if folks are given accurate information about home education, they can make an informed decision about what is right for their family at that time.
That's the best any of us can do.

Someone on the main HE lists today said that finding out the realities of home education, is like Alice stepping through the 'Looking Glass' -and finding there is a whole world that she knew nothing about

I SO agree with this.

For me HE has been my moment of Epiphany or like becoming 'a born again christian'!

I also feel that when we look back at the world we've just stepped out of from the hypethetical (spelling?) Alice in Wonderland, I see it from a completely different perspective.

HE is not just an educational choice for us, it isn't, as I first thought 'school at home' it is a completely different lifestyle choice.

The main reason a lot of my friends wouldn't/couldn't HE is they simply can't imagine being 'at home' (as they see it) with their kids all day, every day.

No matter how I try to sell HE to everyone I know, I realise now it simply comes down to that one fact.

Again, thanks for all your comments, more things to think about, squiffy, you make a good point.

DrNortherner, you're right we don't have a science lab or sports hall in our home, but we do have access to the local sports facilities and as for science, there are experiments we can do around the home that are more realistic and unless they decide to follow this in a career I don't see how that isn't better or as good as school experiments, I didn't learn anything valuable from the lab, did you? Yes, HE'd children can do formal exams if they so desire, they can sit them at any time really, some colleges and schools will accept external candidates. It is a huge responsibility to the parent and time consuming, but we already spend a lot of time with our kids, one of us is home most of the time. The responsibility of education lies with the parent whether the child attends school or not.

A lot of the comments that seem to suggest that school is the right way over HE are convincing, and valid points, but I am still swaying toward HE as the lifestyle choice I'd like to make for my family but as I said earlier, my eldest is in school and is happy but she knows that should she change her mind there is another option there for her. I suppose essentially our family would function better without the constraints of school, I think that we would all get more out of it. But it's the kids decision at the end of the day.

Flynnie, I looked into flexi-schooling, but I think instead of being the best of both worlds it would be confusing and difficult, I would think that the child would struggle at home and at school, you'd have to keep up with the curriculum and your dc would miss things, especially if things had been planned, also it would identify your child as different amongst the rest of the class.

Thanks 3Ddonut. Back to square 1 then! DH wants the children to go to school and I would prefer HE. so i guess it will be left up to them to decide.