Be honest, I want everyone's views......what do you think of home ed???

[3Ddonut]

I suspect this may get nasty, but please try to keep it nice ladies (and gents) I really like the idea of home ed, I would dearly love to home ed my dc but there are some problems, firstly I work 3 nights a week and my dh works 2 full days,my eldest dd is 5 and she really loves school, but some of things that she says about school unsettle me, I always said that it is their choice if they want to go to school or not, which is why she is there and my ds is in nursery but I wish she'd want to stay home and the longer that she's there, the more I feel that we're wasting time...

I've read a lot of the other threads and see that you can do some home-ed stuff alongside school but I don't think that it's enough for me, I want them to remain interested and not be moved on from one thing too quickly or forced to spend time on things they dislike.

We're already a close family because of mine and dh's shifts there is nearly always someone in the house and we get to spend a lot of time with the kids. I suppose I'd just like it to be more of the same.

My main concerns are that the dc would resent us for it in the future (although I would not take a happy child out of school) I also worry about the effect of home ed-ing the children would have on future employers and university places, I do worry about the socialisation aspect although the kids are in a few groups and are very social, they interact well with adults as well as other children, I'm concerned about how much time I'd have to work with them with working full time myself (no opportunity to cut hours)

I'm going round in circles at the min, I think my ds would be more open to the idea and I'm considering not sending dd2 to nursery at all.

The other biggie is that the school they attend is out of area and it's a really good one, they wouldn't get back in there if we deregistered, I've considered flexi-schooling but I feel that would bring more problems than solutions....

OK, Open fire!!!

I agree that a lot is down to personality. And Iam not absolutely sure that things would have been different for me if I had gone to school. But I watch my children, and I see what they are learning. A fraction of what I learnt academically - but so much else that's important. Yes, eve how to cope if someone "teases you and pinches your lunch money"!

I just don't get the 'children need to learn how to cope with bullying' thing.

Why?

Did you mean me? I don't think I said that children ned to cope with bullying, did I? I didn't mean to! I said somewhere that proper bullying needs to be dealth with properly and quickly. However, I do think that teasing, and learning to cope with it is an important part of growning up. As is, perhaps, learning to tell the difference between teasing and bullying.

I would say that the best course of action is to make contact with your local home ed group and go along as many times as you can manage to see first hand what it is all about, get to know the children and adults and see how you think it would work out for you. If you can take your children along to meetings all the better, but most groups will be happy to talk to a prospective home edder whether or not the kids are there.

If you decide to try out home ed in the holidays, then remember to keep it fun - children like most people learn best when they are enjoying themselves.

ok am only skimming this humungous thread

BUT

re this idea that kids who are at school have a different relationship with their peers, that they are at the centre of stuff more.

I THINK I know what seeker means, and I am always interested in hearing her experience as a HEr.

But I think our experience is very different. I think it is possible for HEd kids to feel at the centre of a social situation, and the obvious place for them to do it is at the HE groups. There, they are on their own turf, just as schooled kids are in groups of school friends. Its surely like a birthday party situation-I remember once feeling rather left out at about 7, when I went to a HErs birthday party and knew no one except the host.

If they have a good local HE network, they will have a LOT of social opportunities through this. I think this is tending to be forgotten.

My local HE groups meet every day of the week, most days there are actually several things to pick from, and we have had to decide not to attend meetings more than 2/3 times a week, because it was getting way too much. My dc have grown up with the local HEd kids, they fight and squabble and sort it out. Sometimes they are ridiculously mean to each other, and sometimes, one kid will be left out temporarily (though both sets of parents do normally intervene in some way-depending on the parents-at that point. In my case I DON'T demand that my kid is included, I talk to him about what is going on and strategies for resolving it)

I can't speak for people who have a less evolved HE network, or who, for whatever reason, are not using theirs.

I also think that a lot of things have changed HE wise in the last few years. For one, there are more families HEing.

But for us-there is plenty of opportunity for playground type interaction.

Also-there is nothing stopping my kids from choosing to go to school. If they want to go, they can . They don't want to go, and ds at least has tried it.

Living in a country where I find the schooling highly unsatisfactory yet obligatory, I find HEing a wonderful concept, sadly an option we don't have.

I could teach me dd so much more and so much more effectively at home, I got stretch her when she was ready for it and stop for a break when she was tired. There wouldn't be teachers screaming at the dc, violence in the playgrounds, I wouldn't be hauling a dead-tired dc home after an 8 hour day and then having to try and teach her what she should have been taught at school. I find it so frustrating to have to keep my dd in this crap system

I think you are so lucky to have the option.

Wow this thread keeps growing and it is fantastic to see such an interesting exchange of opinions. I think your views on your experience Seeker are particularly interesting to me but I do think Fillyjonk has a point, maybe some of what you missed out on could be remedied now? With the growth of Home ed there seems to be so many active groups, as you said there was no EO in your days. Where I am in Hampshire, from what I can gather, there seem to be 3 different HE groups to choose from and as more people take up Home ed I think you will start to get a much bigger range of people doing it from different backgrounds and different opinions.

Also, as a mainly school educated kid (all but 1 year)I can honestly say I feel I did get "playground" type interaction from some of the additional activities I did outside of school. The rugby club always had (and still does have) a huge social side, I am still friends with some people from rugby and I have not played for 8 years. All day reherasals at youth theatre on a Sunday had plenty of breaks for us to just muck around with our peers, the youth cafe that I helped set up and run was basically just a place were kids could get together and be themselves. Scouts again provided plenty of opportunity for unsupervised "play", particularly summer camps, they were far better than any play time, 26 boys and 4 girls! . I would agree that orchestra, ballet etc didn't really provide those opportunities but whenever a group of kids are thrown together unsupervised a "playtime" type interaction tends to happen surely, particularly when it is a break in a longer activity?

I really did enjoy school and the social side of it but at primary school there were only 6 girls in my year (and of course you only hang out with your year group and girls played with girls that was just the rules of the playground) so if someone (not generally me I would add) fell out with the group, which happened quite often, they were completely isolated and it could be a very lonely time for them. At secondary school I seem to remember spending a lot of my lunch breaks bored with nothing to do but wander round and round the school grounds as we weren't allowed out and we weren't allowed in the building. I really think playtime isn't always as good as it sounds!

I remember playtime - the boys playing football and taking up the whole playground, and the girls sitting round the edge being dull. I would have much rather played football.

I DID play football, Sue

(and if anyone objected I taught them some new words...)

but HE groups can actually be just as crap as school playgrounds for boys taking over the space with physical games while girls sit and watch. Its a tricky one, actually.

Seeker - what do you class teasing & stealing lunch money as if it isn't bullying? If someone did that out on the street that would be called theft or even mugging...I really don't want my children to learn to with that!

I agree that children do need to learn to cope with a wide variety of experiences, but I certainly wouldn't want children to learn that abuse or criminal activity is somehow expected or accepted as the norm. What kind of society are we setting up for our children if we do?

I agree, terramum.

I always remember my BIL saying that our children would be really shocked when they first heard someone use really, really rude words.

I thought it was an odd objection at the time, and I still don't fully get it.

at how unsuprised my kids would be to hear really really rude words...

LOL Filly...my 3yr old tells anyone who swears (complete with very serious look on his face) "We DON'T use language"

I remember joining the chess club at school, even though I was useless at it, because the people in the chess club were allowed indoors at lunch time, which was a blessing in the winter when the wind just used to howl around the buildings. But I always dropped it in the spring because it was so much nicer to be out doors then.

Do schools still not allow children to choose to go inside at playtime ?

My secondary school didn't have an option to go outside at all....afaik they still don't as they simply don't have the space. All breaks were spent indoors in & around the classroom where the next lesson will be...I attribute some of my rapid weight gain the year I started secondary to this practice

In my experience they're not, certainly at a primary school, unless it raining. Obviously there may be a few schools that allow it, but haven't personally come across any. My old secondary school now has a year 11 common room (which they didn't have when I was there) so the year 11's can stay inside but the rest still have to stay outside. No idea about other secondary schools.

Thats interesting terramum, I spose some big town/city schools muct have limited space outside. I am such a country bumkin I forget things like that

and I have obviously lost the abilty to type again...

Well we've just got back from art group, where they spent the last 30 minutes running round like loons in free play. They are now in the house running round like loons, dressed as a fairy and peter pan, playing shops, whilst simultaneously selling wishes
MB you are quite right to point out that John Holt commented on the American education system 40odd years ago, but children do still learn in similar ways now as well and his points are still very valid today, so thought provoking were they.
It's rather sad imo that what he commented on 40 years ago has barely changed at all. FWIW I didn't mind school at all, it was a necessary evil, everyone had to go, but I have no contact with anyone from either primary/secondary school because although we were all the same age I had nothing in common other than I was in their class. Uni is a different matter, there you choose your friends on the basis of whether you get along, they might not even be on your course. I keep in touch with almost everyone I was friends with at College & Uni.

What a rich variety of experiences we have. SSSandy2, so sorry to hear of your awful school system and yes, you're right, we are lucky to have the option. Where are you?

I know exactly what you mean about school friends Sorky. Even at the time I had better friends out of school than in school. I am still friends with a few people that did go to my secondary school but funnily enough I wasn't friends with them at school as they were not in my form/group of friends, so I never got the chance to know them. School actually seems to limit the people you can mix with as you "can't" be friends with people in a different group to you, you have to choose a group. In fact one of my closest friends now, went to my secondary school but I was never friends with her there because she was a "boff" and not "cool enough" even though we shared most of the same classes. The main criteria for my group of friends at secondary school was being:

1. Naturally clever (all top sets)

2. Never at the top of a set because that would involve doing work which wasn't cool but certainly never being at the bottom of the set because then your natural intelligence would be in doubt.

3. Being middle class.

I am sure we never analysed it like that but we would certainly not have been friends with the "boffs" in our classes who were the target for much bullying, so you were in danger yourself if you ended up in that group. The other kids who were not as bright/from a lower socioeconomic class would def not have been friends with us as we were too "posh" for them. In fact I mixed with a much greater variety of people outside school then within school.

It wasn't until I went to FE college to do my A levels that I became friends with her and others who I had much more in common with as the same "groupings" really no longer applied and am still friends with many of them. You actually got to choose friends you had things in common with rather than the group were you face fitted.