So, should I answer or just do a 'water-off-a-ducks-back'?

[SueBaroastingOnAnOpenFire]

A family member is insisting we're damaging our children by not sending them to school.

Normally, their criticism just sort of flickers in the edges of my consciousness, but they're openly criticizing the whole situation in front of the children, and I spy a possible Christmas nightmare.

Should I say anything, or just maintain a slightly patronizing nodding, smiling, non-answer?

Nodding dog situation IMO

But I would be tempted to suggest that they do not voice such negative opinions in front of your DCs. Tis blardy rude and undermining.

I have to do a lot of smiling non-answers around most of our family regarding my decision to take DD (4) travelling and home educate as we go. And they never listen when I try to explain - I have come to the conclusion they are not actually interested, they just seem to see it as an attack on the accepted way of doing things.

If it's something they keep doing I would probably say something like, "To be honest, it's not really any of your business", while smiling. There's no point getting drawn into the discussion and they're being downright rude a bit insensitive to keep raising it.

I just smailed and said
"if you say so"
or
"well we'll see won't we?"

I also said loudly in everyones hearing "Uncle......... doesn't agree with our decision, but it isn't his to make thank goodness"
and I smiles broadly at everyone and nobody seemed to say much after that.

Then of course over the years their children have seen what a fun filled life we are having and beg to be home educated too!

Somebody once recommended I cut out and keep a scrap book of all negative articles that are written about "schools".
It wouldn't take long to have a sizeable collection (especially if like me you are a Daily Mail reader).
Luckily so far I've never had cause to defend HE too vehemently.
Most 'indignation' about HE is just pure ignorance, maybe thrust a copy of eo's "School is not Compulsory" at them, or start spouting John Holt.
Everyone has their own 'opinions' on bringing up kids, remember all the conflicting stuff inflicted on us when they are first born?
I'm sure if your kids were in school they'd just find something else to critisise!

oops... this is our situation too.

my darling MIL is so sure that our children will miss out on sooo much at school... (retired reception teacher who's taken the HE decision personally).

fortunatly my parents are ok with it, my mum quite positive and my dad just out for an easy life (though they'd probably just remain quiet in a big family gathering if MIL was commenting).

we'll have fun if we gather with extended family on my in-laws side too, because my husbands cousin has a 4 year old (x5 weeks older than ours) who reads, writes and can count to about a million, so of course mine are behind because they only go to a nursery x1 morning rather than x5 out of the way.

MIL and i once had a debate about HE v School in front of the children, i won't let this happen again (christmas or not). partly because i don't like the crap folks spout about "it's fun at school, you'll make lots of friends..." and also because i don't want my children to reaslise how bad i think school is; so if they fancy it in a few years they can try it without bothering what i think.

i'm looking forward to the answers you might get on this thread.

at the mo i do tend to take the 'water off a ducks back' attitude until i figure if folks are being positive/open minded, otherwise i just dismiss it as being a whole year off yet so we'll see!!! (guess that's the chicken rather than the duck approach),

Thanks everyone. I think you're right, the best approach is going to be cool, calm and collected even if my SIL does start doing the open critique.

It is none of her business, and it is inappropriate to talk about it the way she does in front of the DC, but I'd be inappropriate to answer back and carry on the argument for the same reasons. It's just ridiculously tempting to give the ignoramus both barrels, she's so obtusely ignorant about it.

So raspberry to her here, and smug sanctimony when I see them over the holiday

You don't have to justify your reasons for HEing....make them justify their arguments - Just keep saying "Why?" over & over again like a small child does & they'll soon start floundering when they realise they haven't really thought things through properly

Liking the 'why?' very much [evil grin]

My brother always said we were completely bonkers and ruining our children's lives. Although when his son was expelled from school, he was happy enough to bring him to us for us to home educate.

His wife objected though, and said that their son was enjoying himself too much with us and that he was supposed to be punished for getting expelled, not rewarded, so they arranged another school place for him to rebel against

I have often wondered that if they had kept on coming to us whether their son would perhaps not now be a drug addict, with 3 prison sentences behind him and two children he has no contact with, whilst my lad the same age is now very succesful and more important very happy, doing his Phd

I try very hard not to feel smug as that would be wicked.

< wants to home-ed when dses are old enough, but it's illegal in germany >

How did it go, Sue?

stripeymama - where u going travelling?

It went as expected. SIL likes to ask the eldest 'test' questions. Dd1 thinks SIL is a bit odd, because she keeps asking her to recite the alphabet or count to 10 (Dd can quite happily count to 300, so she finds it all a bit baffling)

SIL is a teacher, so she's very much 'the authority'.

Although I try very hard not to mention HE at all when in the company of my 'schoolie' friends, they always seem to feel the need to proclaim loudly how 'fantastic' their dcs are doing at school when I'm in earshot.
I always feel uncomfortable, like I'm being excluded from their conversation.
I couldn't help but smirk when a friends ds (6) repeatedly shouted, when listening to the merits of his school,

"Yeah but school is rubbish and boring and I 'ate it!!"

I think home educators are marvellous. I really do. I wish I could do it.

"I wish I could do it".

What's stopping you candypandy?

Why not make your wishes come true in 2008!!

My biggest regret is I didn't know about it sooner!

Well primary i guess I could. But secondary? Exam level? Isn't that impossible?

not at all Candy. After all, you went to the marvellous school place and learned everything...
Most home educators do just fine at secondary level. The internet is wonderful and when it comes to GCSE's you can do corrospondance courses. Or not. Some Home edders skip GCSE's and do OU courses.
Up to 14 it really is easy peasy stuff and your main problem will be kids saying the NC is boring and want to learn things to a greater depth than is done at school. What do your kids want?

They SAY they'd love it but they have a very happy school life. But i'm not happy with the NC. It's just not enough for any of them. And too much time wasting and pointless homework. Do you do secondary?

ps that makes my children sound very bright. They're not, I just don't think the NC is enough for most children. Too much grinding, stultifying work without them actually learning all that much! But how could I do DT, chemistry, physics? How does that work?

"Isn't that impossible?"

Nope!

It's not a once for all decision. You could keep them at home till 7 and ready to sit down for a large part of each day (don't know why all mothers of boisterous little boys don't do this...) or till they are 11 and ready for secondary school, or till 14 and just go to school for GCSEs, or 16 and just go for A levels.

Or just take it a term at a time, and somehow life has slipped past and they are going off to unviersity without, sonehow, ever having graced a classroom with their presence.

my older 3 are 15, 14 and 13. Eldest chose to go back to school (parties and suchlike I think) but I've had no trouble with HE'ing secondary stuff. We do maths and English workbooks, chemistry and physics, history and geography as and when. ds1 was doing an electronics course. Home education doesn't have to look like school either. We don't do DT (no idea what it is) and for a language we are all learning makaton and BSL.
They pretyy much do what they want and an hour a day easily covers what schoolkids spend 8 hours a day doing.

NC is a big factor for me. What a WASTE of time. Together with the homework. "Make Work" John Holt calls it.

DT: is that woodwork 'n' stuff? Find a friend who does carpentry. I'd use my friend Jim, he's amazing with making things in his shed. I'd take a cake, he'd do the woodwork. Bingo.

Chemistry, physics - lots of online ideas for experiments with equipment at home. At an advanced level, the foundation level OU courses are really good and designed for distance learners. I've known people who used private tutors, and the tutors provided any equipment needed. Lots of HEers pool resources too. And come on - we all know SOMEONE who is half reasonable at science who would probably love nothing more than to spend an afternoon with our children helping them understand why clouds stay up, or whatever the children are interested in today.

oh this is naughty, very naughty.. I'm getting very jittery and a bit excited.. you make it sound so easy..
I have to go for a bit but any other encouraging words, yes please. I'm sick of the amount of time my children spend doing pointless things and at the end of the day they don't even know the capital of Spain.

who is john holt, by the way