To not send dc back to school after holidays

[fernTaylo]

Basically the school is too far, I don’t drive, public transport is stressful, busy and takes far far too long
No places at any schools nearer
The dc are tired , im terribly stressed and feel that home education would be better all round as we wouldn’t be travelling for a large part of the day, less stress etc
Socialising can be done at other activities they go to
I’m 99% decision made already as am just so tired

I admit I know nothing about home ed- so have no opinion one way or another.

I am highly anxious. I can understand the morning dilemma. I need the break away from the children that work / home gives me when they are in school. So they stress of the morning would 'balanced' by the time alone during the day- which allows me to cope better.

Other than cancel the mornings, have you thought about other coping mechanisms for the journey? ie earlier busses, prepack the night before, more time to get ready in the morning, headphones and music (or noise cancelling and nothing), online game for distraction, regular coffee with someone you are friendly with at or near the school as something to look forward to, carry less stuff (no brollys, big coats lots of extra bags) so more nimble, always manoeuvre for a seat so have more personal space.

Have you thought about cycling? If its a safe journey, and length wise doable, you all get exercise and don't have to fight on the journey? Not sure if health wise that would work for you if you can't drive?

It really amazes me that people are posting how great home ed can be.

Yes it can. But not in all cases and not when the parent doing it, is doing to avoid dealing with mental health issues.

I did it. For dd it worked brilliantly. Don't regret it all. But I still don't agree this is the best option for the op.

It is great. But when it is motivated by avoiding the school run it seems naive and ill-informed at best. It is a lot of work. Aot of putting yourself out for your kids. If you are the type who doesn't put themselves out there it can be hard, I had to push myself right out of my introvert norm to make it work.

I also think it might cause some red flags safeguarding wise from school if the children are suddenly withdrawn with no buildup or history or previous discussions having taken place and if the kids were fine and no problems. I think school would possibly raise a concern with SS, which would only add to your stress

I have not read every post but gave skimmed through and read all from OP.

The current situation is obviously not ideal but please don't rush the decision. I think it would be really hard on the children to have this change suddenly put upon them- I'd at least discuss it with them and then ask them to think about it for the first few weeks back. If you just tell them they aren't going back they've had no chance to tell their friends and say goodbyes.

How are you qualified to home educate? What is YOUR education level?
I was home educated for part of my teens due to illness my parents literally had no choice. I had a tutor 2 hours per day , 2 very highly qualified professional parents taking on science and areas they felt able to ie History. My Grandmother was also a teacher who was brought in to assist. Even with all that I missed out massively when home educated.
How will you replicate the classroom experience? Also teaching your own children is never easy I know many teachers and all say they struggle with their own children as the relationship is different. Will you not find it stressful teaching them?
Look at travel options and talk to you Council about a nearer school, ask for help but you do not take your children out of formal education because you are stressed. That is an issue which needs dealing with separately.

Notaclue Totally agree. But there are some HE who will always say HE is a great idea when it is clearly not. It is not the first time on MN I have seen supportive comments to HE, when a parent is only considering it because they are struggling with the school run.

You don't have to 'replicate the classroom experience' for home ed to be successful. That doesn't mean I think it is a good idea in this case.

The OP needs to learn to deal with her own issues without changing the kids lives as an outlet in doing that , I suffer anxiety badly I still need to go to work and take my kids to school I try find other ways of lightening the load so I have energy to do the essentials . It’s not easy at all but you can’t throw the towel in on things that affect your kids because you find them hard .

I’ve asked for this to be moved to the home education board

OP I mean this nicely, I think you need to pull yourself together for the sake of your children. Not just because their education will undoubtedly suffer if it's left in the hands of someone whose only real motivation to home ed is to avoid a bus journey. You sounds as if, for whatever reason and it may not be your fault, you have become someone who avoids things. You avoid working, you avoid driving, you now want to avoid transport and educating your kids. If you're not careful you will be unconsciously passing on the message to your kids that the world is too difficulty, scary and stressful to deal with and the only safe place is within the 4 walls of home. My friend was raised like this and it's taken 25 years of adult life to unpick the damage done by a loving mother who unwittingly passed on her own anxieties about the outside world. Your children will be older enough to get themselves to school soon enough, but in the meantime why don't you look at moving somewhere more suitable for a family?

OP you really should ask for it to be moved to the mental health board. That’s the advice and support you need here.

Biscuits I don't think telling someone, who clearly has some kind of mental health issues, to pull themselves together is very helpful.

I can’t see anywhere where you have given your children’s father’s view on this. What is it?

If you were my wife I wouldn’t want your issues affecting my children’s opportunity to be in school.

I think HE is great - but only when chosen for the right reasons and I’d assume that at some point something about HE would be overwhelming for you too.

I’d also be pretty pissed off if this were a unilateral decision that took you out of paid work for the family for the next what, 15 years?

In his shoes, I’d adapt my hours or childcare options to take the children to school myself, whilst expecting you to access therapy to deal as much as you can with your issues.

Why would moving it to the home ed board help? Especially as a fair few home edders have answered

I think it might be a better place, I hadn’t realised there was one

Lonicera it's harsh, I realise, but it's also not very nice for the OP to allow her own anxieties to deprive her children of the chance of a healthy and functional childhood. Having anxiety around travelling isn't her fault, but allowing that to negatively impact on her children is. OP needs to be the adult and put her children's needs first, or if she really can't cope with travel she needs a solution for transporting her children that isn't just about taking the path of least resistance. It's not fair on her children to remove them from the world and allow the cycle of anxiety to be perpetuated.

I think education has to be based around the needs of the children and not the parents tbh.

This is not about HE at all though, it's about you OP.

Or you think people will be more likely to agree with you rather than look at the bigger picture?

I doubt that would happen

I have a lot to read through and a lot to think about I’ll keep checking back on this to read any new advice and will consider the options

Sassitude has it spot on.

Home education will require travel, likely more travel that involves you than a drop-off and pick up. All the trips, all the play dates, all the social activities, all the educational events require an adult to not only travel but to stay with the kids most of the time. I've spent years going all over the city, I know others who go much further to get the activities and to regularly meet up with friends.

Taking travel out of it or reducing it to where you can walk risks isolation and it is so easy to get isolated when you don't have to go out every day. I'm a disabled home educator and I think the idea the HE is naturally social ignores that the parents or another adult have to be social as well for it to work. When I've been hospitalized, when I've needed mobility devices which impacted how we could travel, when I've been unwell physically or emotionally, it impacts where my kids can go and do. My 7-year-old can't go to a HE group unless I do. My 9-year-old can't do 'home education group rock climbing' unless I am there. Most things require parents be on-site for legal reasons and the ones that don't often put in that you need to be either within a certain time-distance (my oldest's art club requires a parent to be within 20 minutes of the building while they are in there) or to be able to pick up at a moment's notice. Socially or academically, it's all on our shoulders.

There are isolated kids in schools, I was one of them, but it's important to know that without intentional effort that can be draining and overwhelming, it is far easier for home education kids to become isolated. This often given ideal that 'oh, my home educated kid plays with people of all ages' is a bit rosy-tinted when you see the reality of these groups which can be just as cliquey and vicious, when the parents of the little kids crow how great it is that your older kids will play with them when you know your kids would absolutely love more than anything to not be stuck between sitting out with the adults and playing with kids half their age when either there simply are no one else their age present or the few there are have rejected them. It's hard and it can be heartbreaking, I think that has far more to do with why so many older kids get out of the home education groups than qualifications. While we're frustratingly in an educational blackspot, it does give a lot more options than home educators and home educated kids are going to get.

Home education can be great, but like most great things it takes a lot of hard work and can involve a lot of dealing with tears, worries, heartbreak - your own and the kids. If you think home educating is going to solve your overwhelm problem, sadly I think you're in for a world of hurt. I would not pull out unless an emergency until you have an academic and social plan that is solid and you have your whole home backing this move because it will take everyone for it to go well. Put the rose-tinted 'I know it's going to be great' aside and really look at what all of your options are. I think finding a solution to your transport issue would do far more than taking all of this onto what reads like very stressed shoulders. HE does not solve stress, it just changes it.

In your situation FuzzyShadowChatter. In ours it greatly reduced stress and I know many others the same. Everybody's situation is different. For some it doesnt work but for others the stress levels plummet when they HE which is often why they do it.

OP you haven’t answered about what your DH/children’s father thinks? Or if it’s possible for him to help more with school runs?