To not send dc back to school after holidays

[fernTaylo]

Basically the school is too far, I don’t drive, public transport is stressful, busy and takes far far too long
No places at any schools nearer
The dc are tired , im terribly stressed and feel that home education would be better all round as we wouldn’t be travelling for a large part of the day, less stress etc
Socialising can be done at other activities they go to
I’m 99% decision made already as am just so tired

The posts might be less than friendly because the OP is purely focusing on herself and being extremely selfish. Endless ‘I, I, I’ posts and nothing about getting herself into gear so she can serve her children’s best interests. It amazes me that any parent could be quite so self-absorbed.

Hi op, many people on here are biased to home ed. Their replies say it all. You are not limiting your children's choices or lives but home ed. It is an enriching experience. And you are putting their interests first as your children don't need a stressed, sick and anxious mother.

I home educate, you don't need to do 6 hrs per day as thats for a classroom of 30 or 40 children, not 1 to 1 or self directed study.

You can home ed in many different ways and there are lots of different ways to learn.

You do not need to follow the curriculum as that's just the current best way of educating hundreds of children per school year per school. You only have 2 children to worry about so educate them according to the way they learn and what they are interested in.

Many people have been quite mean about your commute. Great for them if they can cope but you have said repeatedly that you cannot. They don't seem to be listening to you.

So do what is best for you and your children and home ed can be great for many children.

People are showing their anti home ed bias in their replies. Your children will not lose out by not going to school, if they gain socialisation in other areas and if they have a happy non stressed mother.

Ring the lea and take them off the roll, state your reasons and prepare your new home ed week.

I do an overview per term of what I'd like to achieve and what classes and lessons we will attend including day trips and topics.
I then do a week by week lesson plan down to the pg no of any text books and workbooks.
We don't always stick to it but it's a guide and each week I can adjust it depending on what you I have done in the previous week.

I have also tried unschooling and classroom (at the table) based schooling but find an overview and being very relaxed and flexible the best approach for us.

A different approach may work for you and your children. Try it all out as you have nothing to lose, read up on the different styles of teaching and the different ways of learning. Home ed is time consuming but not hard as you know your children better than anyone else.

Goodluck.

As a home educator up until just recently I would argue that it really isn't easier and less stressful than a half hour commute. We were out and about every day to different groups and activities, which of course aren't obligatory but are important IMO. And that has a cost associated too

Honestly, I do find it irritating when people make such a massive decision based on something as frivolous as finding the bus stressful.

I think you need to see your GP and ask for support. The stress and knot you speak of, i have similar too. Its all anxiety and low mood and it's exhausting.

Im not for or against HS, its child and parent dependent imo. That said, if you cant take public transport or drive how will you take the children on trips? Got to museums? National trust places or nature reserves? I'd be concerned you wouldn't be able to give them what they need in terms of HS because you yourself are under strain. You also need to consider that, given your reasons, it could make you feel worse. Anxiety is fueled by compulsions to avoid it.

Could you talk to your ex about 50/50 and share drop offs and weekends?

To pp on this this thread, wanting to be well, not stressed and anxious and knowing in yourself that you are at breaking point does not make the op selfish and self absorbed.

When she has a nervous breakdown, will you all be happy? When the option of home ed is no longer there and when the op can not take her children to school or look after them at all?? Will that be better?

If your DC are in KS2 you have more chance at an appeal at a closer school (no longer restricted to 30 by law). So I'd look at appealing. Getting them in a school nearby surely has to be a better answer to your problem?

We are privileged that we had a fair amount of disposable income, car, unlimited fuel, supportive family nearby, a very active local home ed scene, two committed and highly educated parents etc etc. But it was still very hard work. Not to be compared to helping with homework etc.

If I were you, I would have a very honest conversation with the council about your struggles. Get yourself on a waiting list for closer schools etc and see what help is there.

Could their father help more?

Are your DC are all primary school age? I’d be worried you’re teaching them to fear travel and buses etc. At secondary age, it’s normal for DCs to catch buses/trains and travel by themselves to school, so could you consider sticking with your current routine a bit longer until they get to secondary?
With regards to preparing to leave the house, we all (I speak for the whole world here) do it the night before otherwise it’s a nightmare.
I have no experience of HE, it sounds like it could be an amazing experience for children if you are organised, good at planning and research, have money for extra curricular things, capable of being with your DCs 24/7 both as a teacher and parent. What it sounds from your posts is that you would struggle with all of this and what is driving you is you don’t want to leave the house at eg 7:30am. Unfortunately that is why posters think you shouldn’t HE.

OP I think the fact that you assumed ADHD is only hyperactive children says a lot. You seem to be unaware of real mental health issues that may be causing you this level of anxiety. You really need to start looking into your own health and working towards managing your anxiety. Changing your childrens life is not managing, its avoiding. Please seriously consider getting support for yourself instead of jumping into Home schooling them. Its a very selfish thing to do

Flirtygirl - no it doesn’t make the op self absorbed but it does if she prioritises not dealing with her own issues over her children’s needs. Not once has the op said that home ed would be a better opportunity for her children. It is a decision based purely on her needs.

I’m not minimising anxiety or whatever issue it is the op has but she has to deal with it instead of forcing her children to live their lives around it.

And likely it will it stop if she doesn’t do the commute any more. It will manifest in another way. Or she won’t do the travel required for home ed groups/educational visits.

As I have repeatedly said I have no issue with home ed IF it is made for the right reasons. How anyone could argue this is being done with the best interests of the children I have no idea.

OP is as valuable and important part of her family as ANYBODY and if she is sick and anxious and overwhelmed with the school run, then its perfectly OK to stop doing that for a while. It is not selfish to think of solutions that work for the whole family INCLUDING her.
Shes talking about home education. Not putting them in front of fortnite or jeremy kyle all day fgs

if she is sick and anxious and overwhelmed with the school run, then its perfectly OK to stop doing that for a while

No, it’s not!

Can their dad help with the school runs?

When you say 30 minutes with 2 busses is that in total for each journey? As in 1 bus there 15 mins & 1 bus back 15 mins or a 30 minute journey including a change of bus part way & same going back, so 4 busses each journey? This makes a huge difference as to whether you could just pop them on the bus & perhaps they could make their own way to school after being shown the way, given they're not tiny children. Or someone else could possibly meet them the other end. There is also the option of getting a local child minder to do the pick up & drop offs, which I think would be a better option for you than HE.

I have ADHD myself. Whether you have that or not isnt going to help you at the moment & the diagnosis process is a huge fight. Your main issue seems to be your severe anxiety, whether you recognise it as that or not. I think getting to your GP to try some medication asap should be priority before making any rash decisions. My Dd has severe debilitating anxiety & going on Sertraline has been truly life changing for her. Just because one med hasn't helped doesn't mean none will, so go back again & try something else. You can do this. I know you can.

I am all for home Ed if it is in the best interest of the children but from your posts I don’t necessarily think it is.

It takes a fair amount of planning and work to home Ed well

NRTFT as I sense there is a lot of ignorant, close minded anti-home-ed BS being spouted but all I can say is that 10 years ago (when HE was harder in terms of what was available), I was dithering. Christmas came and something just clicked in me and we went for it. BEST. DECISION. EVER. All three DCs home ed now and all are very very happy!!

A friend of mine home-eds and she says it wouldn’t be possible without her car. She drives to home-ed gatherings which would be too far to walk to and no public transport there. She also takes her DC all over the place, to museums and galleries etc where they’d possibly otherwise go on school trips. None of it is possible without her car.

I think you are underestimating how difficult home education can be. It’s not just a few work books and print-outs. It’s full on, around the clock. If you have no previous teaching experience then it’s even tougher. You also have to consider whether your DC would actually want to be pulled out of school.

Half an hour really isn’t a long commute.

No-one wants the OP to have a breakdown

They are simply saying that she needs to seek help, rather making decisions that impact her children to deal with it.

There is a huge possibility that this time next year old anxiety or whatever it is, will be worse. Because she has started alllowing it to control her and her families life.

Other things will drop off. The op already avoids travelling with the kids if her husband is there. Now she won't be doing it during the week either. Not because it's better for kids. But for her.

It will escalate to the point where she isn't leaving the house during the week, in all probability.

Its not good for her or the kids.

If the main anxiety is caused by traveling in rush hour, would it be possible to get up earlier and take a less busy bus then wait with the DCs until the gates open?

If I've missed where you posted it I apologise, but do your DDs seem to enjoy school? If they do I think it would be the wrong decision to pull them out. What does their DF think?

if she is sick and anxious and overwhelmed with the school run, then its perfectly OK to stop doing that for a while

It really is not ok for a parent to change their kid's lives because their mental health cant cope with public transport

Three of my grandchildren are home eddded and they’ve had the most wonderful of childhoods
There mum and dad have a put a lot of effort in and money. It’s fabulous, but not always as easy option
The children are 9; 11 and 14 and are very bright, assertive and intelligent children
One is teaching himself guitar...he now has three.
The other is the slime queen, she has her slime station all set up. Themuddlone would have struggled at school but my daughter got him reading at 9 and he’s flourishing now.
The eldest is in college now, one day a week studying for maths, English and scin a class with home ended children only.

If you think you can do it, it’s very rewarding

If they go to school that far away and it's because there were no other choices closer to you it sounds like you should be eligible for home to school transport funding - it's not much but could make taxis an affordable option and you may find there are already children in your area getting a taxi and share it. Speak to the school and LA and see if there are other less obvious options out there.
My DS1 goes to school in the local town as our village school didn't have room, I get a mileage allowance to pay for me to take him but I know of other kids whose parents don't drive and use a taxi, I also used their taxi service arranged through LEA when I couldn't drive after my section.
My concern would be that home educating may be overwhelming too, you'd never get a break and it's not an easy option if you aren't coping with other things or your own health issues.
I have no problem with HE but understand that it doesn't suit everybody and is not an easy option by any stretch.

Surely rather than changing the children's education it would be more sensible to change the real problem - the travelling that OP has to do? The school isn't the problem, the DC are coping just fine, it's all about OP not managing the travel. So find a way to take the OP out of it rather than taking the school out of it. Why can't their father take them? A friend? A taxi? A childminder or someone you know who you could pay to take them? Help from the LEA or school? Could the school put you in touch with some other parents who could help on a rota basis for a few quid? There are options out there and if you actually want to do the best for your DC OP then you should be actively investigating them, not just deciding to pull your children out of school because it's easier for you. Home Ed is great when it's the child struggling with school, but it's not supposed to be a solution for a parent stressing with the commute.

OP I have MH problems as well, and have 2 kids and am a single parent. When I first became a single parent I didn’t drive, so we had to get two buses to school, plus a mile walk, and then I had to get to work and then reverse it all on the way home. The school journey was about an hour.

It was stressful, getting to the bus stops on time, kids not wanting to walk or walking slowly, buses being late, cold, rain. I really do understand how hard it is, especially when you throw in MH troubles.

I would encourage you to try speaking to your school - when I was already struggling with my depression they actually collected the kids for school and dropped them home, not everyday or long term but on days when I really couldn’t manage.

I also really really think you should go back to your GP, as this level of anxiety around travelling is not normal and is really badly affecting your own life and now potentially the lives of your children as well.

I’m sorry but I really don’t think H.E is the right choice here. It’s not a decision being based on what’s best for the children, it’s based solely on what’s best for you. My fear is what happens when it doesn’t work out as you hope? When it’s not all like weekend day trips, when the kids can’t be bothered or you feel overwhelmed. And if you can’t bear public transport at all how will you take them to places? I would worry that without having to leave the house each day for school you (and by extension they) will become more and more isolated at home.

You speak of your DH, how does he feel about it? If he’s your children’s father how does he feel about them being taken out of formal education? If your school has a breakfast club could he possibly do the school drop off, meaning you only have the collection run to do?