To not send dc back to school after holidays

[fernTaylo]

Basically the school is too far, I don’t drive, public transport is stressful, busy and takes far far too long
No places at any schools nearer
The dc are tired , im terribly stressed and feel that home education would be better all round as we wouldn’t be travelling for a large part of the day, less stress etc
Socialising can be done at other activities they go to
I’m 99% decision made already as am just so tired

Are there schools closer? Are your children on a waiting list? Look in to this first.

If an alternative school isn't available you need to talk to Home educators and get a real feel for how it will work for you. We mix a lot with parents that home educate and they leave me dazzled with their energy and commitment.

HE can work wonderfully - but it takes an awful lot of effort, preparation and patience. To be honest you haven't shown, on this thread at least, a lot of understanding of what needs to be done. Research it thoroughly. It will only work with commitment so PLAN. Don't do anything yet. Get on the HE boards here. Spend next term examining it properly and then make a move if you know you can deliver.

This isn't about home education. This is about the OP letting her mental health dictate what's happening with the kids.

When you home educate, you will still need to go out on weekdays.

How do you get to the shops? Do anything if you don't drive and want to stop using public transport?

There are two completely separate issues here, OP. HE and your mental and physical health. I honestly don’t think you can make a decision about the first until you’ve addressed the second. Apart from anything else- if you have migraines so bad and so frequent that you are not allowed to drive, surely you would find it difficult having your young children at home all the tine?

Home education can work if parents follow the correct syllabus and put everything into it , but to be honest I think there are very few individuals who could replace a trained teacher , not to mention separate the parent teacher relationship in order to teach effectively .
I definitely think you aren’t in the place to do this especially if you are struggling getting on public transport , you don’t sound in the best place to take on a challenge like that .

You are pretty much condemning your children to the same future as yourself being too scared to leave the house and too tired and overwhelmed to hold down a job .

What's your DHs thoughts on this? In his position, I'd be wondering why I had to do all the weekend trips if you are able to cope with the kids full time...

If you can't get them into a closer school (and check the council are aware of your disabilities), is moving near your dcs school an option? Even if that means renting out your house and renting something close to the school.

Something has to give, that thing shouldn't be the children's education, and frankly how regularly is your DH going to be able to take a day off work so your dcs can meet up with other children? Are they just going to be very lonely and isolated?

The richness of the primary curriculum lies not only in the subjects that are taught but the extracurricular activities and social experiences. Building friendships, learning how to manage emotions and fall outs with friends, forest schools, the daily mile, singing, dancing, playing, practising social routines, learning how to manage when things go wrong. HE can be the right option in extreme circumstances when there are specific reasons schooling isn't working for the child but will limit life experiences. Like pp I work with many children who have been HE trying to integrate them back into school (you won't be able to deliver the secondary curriculum even if you can attempt primary - trust me I've taught both). Without exception this has caused huge anxieties and the process of reintegration has been slow and difficult.
Your situation isn't about the children's needs it's about yours. You need to get support with that, and it sounds very much like anxiety - medication or CBT can massively help with that. Don't compromise your children's education and socialisation because of that. They will suffer. Can your husband help with school runs? Breakfast and after school clubs so he can pick up and drop off? Is there another parent who could help? Childminder? Family member?
Please look at the other alternatives and seek help with your anxiety. It can be overwhelming but don't make it your children's problem.

You have to get help and address your anxiety. I have to walk dd 40 minutes to school in all weathers and did so with a two week old baby. Yes its overwhelming at times but i feel good being up and out and ready to go to activities or shopping etc. I would make an appointment with your gp in the new year. Ask for a cbt referral

You are being utterly and ridiculously selfish.

OP, I haven’t read the whole thread so may be repeating things.

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety, I would feel the same with public transport (I hate busy places) but there could be other options?

I feel that home education could effect your mental health, it’s quite stressful and a lot to take on, you will have little time to yourself. A 30 minute bus ride is nothing, once it’s done you have child free time?

Please go to your gp, there are things that can help including medication or therapy (I take beta blockers which take the edge of my morning anxiety). It sounds like your not coping well at the moment and I feel it would get worse if you were to pull your kids out.

I’ve seem excellent home ed set ups and crap ones. If you’re doing it for the kids best interest, go ahead.

Also put your kids names on the waiting lists for walkable local schools. If you get one in the rest should be easier to follow in

Surely if there are no school places closer to you then the LEA has to provide your kids with transport - normally a taxi with an escort?
Have you spoken to your councils transport unit?

Home ed is very social by nature

The best home ed i noted was when parents followed and expanded the child’s interests.

I think HE can work, but it can also be an unmitigated disaster. In this case, I'd be very concerned about two children being isolated at home with a parent suffering from serious mental health issues that impact significantly on her ability to function in daily life. I'd also be concerned about pulling those two children out of school with no thought for their best interests, purely because their mother is unable to cope with the school run.

OP, you clearly have some issues which need addressing. Those issues aren't your fault at all, but you should not expect your children to just fit around your needs, you need to prioritise what's best for them. In the nicest possible way, you do not sound capable of home educating at the moment. The status quo obviously isn't working, so I agree that you need to look at alternative solutions, but those solutions cannot just revolve around what's easiest for you.

Is there nobody else who could help with the school run until the kids are big enough to travel by themselves? Could your DH do more? Is there anyone else who travels regularly on the same route who could keep an eye on them? Could you car share and pay a share of the petrol costs? Do you have parents/siblings/friends who could help out on a rota basis, even just once or twice a week to give you a break? Is there something you could do on the journey to manage how overwhelmed you feel, like practising mindfulness or listening to music or an audio book? I think it would be a really good idea to talk to your GP for advice.

What you are really saying OP, is that your mental health isn't good enough to manage a fairly standard school run.

Presumably at the moment you have roughly 9.30am - 2.30pm to yourself each day?

If you HE that will be gone. Once the novelty of staying at home has worn off the children are going to crave stimulation and they are going to claw at you for that. It won't be like school holidays when they are tired and just want to chill. YOU will become their structure and source of all the stimulation a developing child needs and that is going to be really hard work.

My concern would be that quite quickly you would be overwhelmed just by being with the children 24/7 and that would be the new focus of your stress. Then you will have created a situation that really won't be good for anybody.

YABU as this sounds like it’s very much for your benefit,not the kids.
As a PP have quite rightly pointed out the stress of providing a HE will be far in excess of a 30 min bus journey. Are you really able to equip them with a suitable HE?
I think you need to get to the root of why you feel 30 mins of travel is too much for you, and see if you can treat this.

Anxiety with other physical issues is a sod. I have anxiety with moderate physical disabilities. I could not cope with your commute. Within 5 minutes on a bus I'm vomiting and by the end I'm in real pain.

I don't don't think HE is the right solution here.

Please OP consider/research:

1. A local childminder who can do pick up/drop off for you
2. Tell your LA you'll home ed if you can't get a closer place - they may magically find you one
3. See your GP and ask for counselling/CBT/etc as it may well help you deal with everything

Good luck OP

Is the school more than 3 miles away, OP? I’d so, have you talked to the local authority about transport?

I'm a fan of HE and did it for what would have been my DS's first year of school. If the opportunity for him to attend a fulltime forest school hadn't come up, I'd still be home educating him now. I know that I could educate him to a far higher standard than a school would. But, one thing that my year doing HE taught me, is that a lot of kids really, really aren't getting the social interactions that they need. It will vary from child to child, as different children have different social needs and some will thrive on less intense peer interaction. Or some will live on a safe estate with numerous good friends on their doorstep to play with most days or be so intensely involved in a sport that they see team/training mates most days and have good friendships form that way. But on the whole I met quite a lot of kids who really and truly needed more time with their peers than they were getting.

How social are your children? How regular are the home ed meetups? How genuinely do the home ed meet-ups happen in walking distance of your home? (I honestly could not have managed very much socialisation at all with my son if I couldn't drive.) How much chance would they get to socialise with their current friends if they aren't in school.

Maybe HE would be the absolute best choice for your family. But don't just assume that you will easily be able to provide an adequate social life for your kids. For me it was extremely hard work to provide a level that tbh really wasn't even close to adequate for my son.

Ok. You have a disabling illness/condition and maybe some psychological problems which are preventing you getting kids to school. It sounds like you need an assessment of your disability with a view to support. What does your gp think?
Can social services or education help with getting kids to school so you don't have to? Actual physical help or money for taxi, childminder, au pair.... also could your husband or relative, friend (school mums?)or neighbour either pick up or drop off to take the strain a bit. A school within walking distance may be better, perhaps social services can pull strings?
By your description it seems like if kids were home all the time you may get overwhelmed with that, how will you and they cope if you are unwell? Home schooling may work for you, but it is not an easy option. I suggest you visit the local ones and get a feel of how it works, whether it would suit you. What about trying it for a term while you line up new schools in case you don't like it?
Please see what help you can get, it's not right to struggle so hard

Yes they are on waiting lists but no offers and I would be concerned they wouldn’t get and offer st the same time as then I’d not be able to drop one off at the right time but not much point worrying I suppose as no offers

We moved out of area yes, not by choice. We were moved and this was the only option
I really don’t think I have anxiety , well not all the time. And the journey makes me more unwell as feeling so overwhelmed and stressed makes my migraines worse
Antidepressants have never worked I just feel I’m easily overwhelmed but not in general only really on public transport at busy times
That’s why at the weekends the children’s dad takes them out it’s not that I hand over to him as I don’t its just for anything travel related