To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

What I would think would depend on the situation.

If someone was taking their child out of school after a trial of a couple of years or issues etc. I wouldn't bat an eyelid, especially if they were well researched and prepared - everyone makes the best choices (or what they percieve to be) for their children.

If you were like the friends we have who have declared from peeing on a stick that all their offspring were going to be HE because of the 'evils of school education' I'd think you were a bit....OTT.

Hope your son feels better soon, you sound like you are trying your absolute best.

Personally I think we feel more 'weird' and out of place in home ed gatherings (really not stereotypical at either end of the spectrum) than we do in society in general. This was a influence in my eldest going to school. Don't think my younger ones have the same feeling as I've got better over the years at surrounding us with more like minded individuals.

OP it sounds like you've made a decision based on what you believe is right for your son. It doesn't matter what anyone else (unless they have parental responsibility) thinks about HE. HE can be wonderful, it isn't for everyone and isn't the best for all children. Strangers over the internet are in no position to judge. Get yourself in touch with local home educators and make that personal contact to help shape your decision.

I only know one family who home educate and they are a desperately bad example. I have rarely met such rude, badly behaved or self-centred children. To be fair, I don't know if they have any sn's but suspect not.

I wouldn't choose to home educate and my general feelings are that children are better at school (socialising, different views and experiences, music, sport and art with people trained to teach it etc.) but then my children, despite some sn's and difficulties, are happy at school. In the event that they were very unhappy and I was unable to help them by working with the school I would take them out. Life is too short to be miserable!

*No, it really isn't ridiculous - it's a shame you think it is. It's a temporary solution to a temporary problem.

Home schooling him for a time and getting him help can be synonymous, you know wink as I said earlier in the thread, forcibly dragging him to school then expecting him to open up to a therapist is daft!*

No, actually, it isn't daft. An 8 year old won't get out of bed to go to school and your solution is to educate him at home? Jesus wept! You're the adult. MAKE him go to school. My parents would have dragged me there if necessary and very right and proper too because it's the bloody law that children be educated and I'm sorry, but a mother with no qualifications namby-pambying around with workbooks and taking their kids on field trips is NOT educating them.

The state of parenting in this country dismays me.

Good god, what kind of world are we living in where people think kids need "therapy" to go to school?! How pathetic. How about making them do as they're bloody well told instead of constantly pandering to their every whim?

So you would do that? You would make him go in - drag him, shove him, pull him, strike him?

No. Not happening.

But why do you think therapy would have to take place in school?

Turquoise, really don't worry about what other people think. Some children just do better being homeschooled. All the people who are so against it are just brainwashed into conformity. They do what they believe will get them approval from the rest of society, not what is best for their children.

jemima

If all our dc received a state education where the teachers knew all about their subject it would be marvellous.
However, it doesn't work like this and the primary teachers i know have all sorts of specialisms. So, the degree in technology to enable you to teach, could mean you have no more than a GCSE in Maths.
In addition, H.ed can be nothing like school, you don't need teachers for your dc ne learn. You see, a totally different approach to school.

Obviously dragging a kicking and anxious and screaming child to school is completely pointless but your DS obviously needs help you cant provide to fix ovet what's goung on for him. There's nothing wrong with that - you may be s qualified teacher, you may be his Mum but that doesn't mean you are always going up be able to provide for all his needs. As I said before it seems a bit of a knee jerk reaction and your marriage breakdown is only very recent and yet you are now thinking of deregistering your DS tomorrow.

I've not read the whole thread but think like everything it depends - can the parents do a good job, does it suit the child(ren).

The socialising isn't an issue as they can do out-of-school activities, and meet up with other home-educated children etc.

For me the issue is around learning to conform. School teaches you how to conform, how to deal with petty bureaucracy and officialdom. I wonder how many home-educated children end up working for themselves etc as they can't deal with a workplace with all its office politics etc. It's not a bad thing at all, just something to consider.

I think (in roughly this order):

Respect to the parent. Where do they find the energy, patience and self confidence?

Envy. I'd love to take the pressure off the DC and just learn gently, focusing on what interests them and structuring their education to fit with how they learn best.

Concern: how will those children become socialised, learn to take turns, accept differences and be tolerant of different social/political/faith viewpoints? It's one thing to examine them as discussion topics but another to rub along with people who are entirely different from you in every way.

Concern for secondary school pupils: how can a parent teach to the required level in all subjects? I seriously struggle with DS2's Yr 8 maths. Likewise his chemistry and physics, his music and languages. Even though I studied languages to A level, he's chosen different ones. Getting to GCSE level would be a massive challenge in any non-humanities subject for me.

Concern as to why they are HE-ing. By no means all, but some HE parents I've met do so because they are at odds with the mainstream world in some way. that's fine, but I think we owe it to our children to decide for themselves whether they think the world is a godless/capitalist den of iniquity or whether it suits them.

At some level HE is hiding from the world. I know several HE parents and though I think their life style at primary level is blissful, secondary concerns me. What annielouise says about socialisation sounds so accurate. Going to scouts or orchestra isn't in itself enough. It's the day to day banter and shared experience that creates close bonds. I really hated school and hung out with quite a large crowd who also hated school. I look back on all of those people with real affection. The ease of our friendship, the depth of affection is like no other friendships since. It comes solely from shared experience.

It is an interesting discussion, I can SO understand wanting to home-ed!

My oldest DS was a fragile little thing at 6, did poorly at school in every way (socially, academically, emotionally), made no progress for 2 years, and had an awful teacher in year 3 who had no sympathy for his SEN (despite him being dyslexic, and also on social and emotional IEPs).

I cried about it, and lay in bed twisting and turning, worrying about him.

In the end, I chose to send him to a different school, for the last 3 years of primary, where luckily he thrived, caught up, and ended up with no IEPs, not even dyslexic anymore (how is that possible?!) and with lots of like minded friends (the "geeky" bunch, he'll never be a football kid).

Now at secondary, I am still slightly distrustful of the state education system, and think a lot could be improved.

I do 30 minutes English with him after school (he still cannot spell well, though he is "middle set", so I guess lots of kids his age cannot spell?) and I am currently watching "the World at War" documentary with him in the evenings (as his knowledge of 20th century history is non-existent) or the news (current affairs) , or sometimes nothing (playing on i-pad).

I also le him do technology clubs and fencing, slightly off-beat activities which he prefers to school.

What I a saying is, he is partly HE'd I guess, to "fill in the gaps". And I understand totally people who say the state system is not up to scratch for their kids.

I cannot imagine how I would teach him secondary maths and science though, so I could never HE properly. Also, he is now definitely getting a lot more out of school than at primary.

OP, no decision is for life, you can always change your mind again.

I would just think, brave woman! if you go ahead, good luck.

Jemima I dont necessarily see it as needing therapy to get to school but it would be helpful in discovering what's going on in his head that's causing the anxiety that is making him not want to go.

I think ''oh cool'', because I know a few HE families and all the kids are doing brilliantly.

If this is what you want to do then go for it!

Over the last few years, as I've been working as a private tutor, my attitude to Home Ed has changed quite a bit. I used to think "of course school is important and they need to go" but now not so much. A lot of the students I work with are on the autistic spectrum or have other issues such as dyslexia that are either not recognised by the school or not adequately supported or understood. (One of the worst cases was where the Mum was going into school for 2 years asking for the child to be assessed for dyslexia and the school kept saying this wasn't dyslexic, just daydreaming or not trying very hard. Eventually they did assess and were "very surprised" that the child had dyslexia) This can cause a lot of stress and upset for the student as you can imagine.

Schools are very institutionalised and increasingly, as budget cuts strike, "one size fits all" - they have to be they can't afford the expertise to be any different. If your DC is in a school where they are knowledgeable and understanding of issues like dyspraxia, dyslexia and autistic spectrum, then that is great, but many, even good schools, aren't. Some of my students have found schools that have been great in understanding their needs and they are flourishing, but this just isn't always the case.

I can so understand why some parents choose to Home Ed now. OP in your situation, I would be clear with your son that this is temporary and that you are expecting he will go to his new school in September. Explain that this time is to sort out the issues that stop him from enjoying school and work through his feelings. It might be really important to talk to him lots about what he understands about your relationship break-upo. I've known of a child to school refuse because they believed that by staying at home they could prevent a parent from leaving. They were very anxious that the parent would leave while they were out at school.

www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity?language=en

As usual on these threads there's lots of ignorance about HE.

turquoise I've seen a few of your other threads and think HE is personally your best option at this point. I'd do it in a hertbeat in your shoes. I'd ignore all the naysayers and absolutely trust your instincts. I couldn't force a distressed child to go to school, and I'd fear I was doing untold damage if I ignored his obvious need to be out of the school system for a while. I have no idea why some people believe school is a panacea rather than being at home with a parent when you're desperately unhappy.

There are some very helpful home ed groups you will get lots of ideas/support from on facebook if you want it

Learning under the trees
Home education uk
UK unschooling network (unschooly)
Uk unschooling chat

Anything by John Holt isEd a good read too IMO
Sandra Dodd if you decide to go unschooly

Hope things get easier for you soon

I think that hostile responses to home ed often reveal some rather depressing views about the duty of imposing a conformity on small children, and a real social conservatism about the evils of 'standing out from the crowd' in anyway.

I don't know anyone well who's done 'pure' home ed., but several sets of friends have done it either part-time (the son of one couple, who was on the AS spectrum and struggling at a tiny rural school that was not meeting his needs well, went in three mornings a week and stayed at home with his father the rest of the time) or for periods of a year or two (another child became a very distressed school refuser after being bullied - she was home ed for two years and then returned to school at a different school). I do have another friend who was miserable at secondary school, did her GCSEs at home with a series of tutors, and then returned to school for A-levels.

I think home ed was a good solution in all these cases. It's not something I would consider, because I can't combine it with work - and I think my three year old will flourish at school, but I'm entirely open to the idea.

I've known/know unite a few home ed families.

If I'm being 100% honest I think it tends to be quite insular. Not in a socialisation way (the kids do lots of socialising) but they only tend to do it with similar children/families. Stereotypically arty, middle class, vegetarian/vegan types. All the kids look and dress the same. Talking to them is like talking to little adults. Consequently they come across a bit odd. I was at an event where one of the older HE kids came and mixed with some other kids his own age but school educated. The differences were stark and he struggled to relate to them on a cultural and basic level.

The two other families I know HE for religious reasons and again they are very insular within their faith.

However if my DC were being bullied or were seriously unhappy at school I wouldn't hesitate to HE them.

I'd be worried he would become more isolated and withdrawn - he needs to take part in clubs, and know how to mix with his peers. It won't get any easier if he spends all his time with you.

I'd hope you'd join some HE groups yourself so you had support and could share ideas and offload.

I'd hope you took it seriously and made sure he covered curriculums and qualifications, and he got out of bed at a decent hour to do some proper work. If it's all lie ins, cartoons and playing in the park OF COURSE he won't choose to go to school!

What you describe, Pantone, sounds preferable to the average pre-teen/teenager that I see these days. They're uniformly buried in their devices as far as I can tell.

My mum was always very against home ed and so, brought up with her influence, I've always thought that Home Ed kids are weird, unsocialised and weird - did I mention weird?

I now see that home educating is a wonderful gift to give to your children if you have the means and the patience.

There are loads of Home Ed groups and my HE friends' children are better socialised than my DS who goes to school! I wish that I could HE him, but 1. I'd be broke and 2. He'd drive me nuts (unfortunately)

there is a Home Ed kid in our village he is a young teen and has never had his hair cut and wears it in a long plait down his back.
He wears a scarf that his mum has crossed over his chest and a high viz waistcoat.
He only goes out with his mum.
I am sorry but I pity him.

I mean he seems to be treated like an overgrown toddler

Honestly?

I really don't mean to offend, but I would think that it was either being done because the child was having serious problems with bullying that couldn't be resolved, or that the parents were a bit lentil-weavery and more interested in grades than producing a well rounded socialised individual.

Other than my cousins (who were the second type and have struggled massively out of the home) I have no experience though, so this is pure opinion!