To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

Csivillage I know a few of them :) It was my stereotype pre-HE and yes they do exist.

My boys have shortish hair, I think the Green Party are a bunch of naive fools with no well thought out policies at all (their policy on home ed for example is they will fix all the ills of school so no one will want to HE - like really!), we don't watch a lot of TV I suppose, have far too much computer, tablet and Xbox time though, I shout way too much, got married over the anvil at Gretna Green (made it special without having to invite people), occasionally stray into hippyness but it's not really me and certainly not DH who is definitely right of centre, semi-vegetarian because I don't really like meat.

No, I'm certainly not 'sneering' - I'm just pointing out that being a teacher isn't similar to being a neuroscientist or an astronaut. It doesn't require huge depths of knowledge or intelligence - which isn't to say many teachers aren't knowledgeable or intelligent.

Some of the tongue in cheek posts are fun :) I don't see myself in many of them although we don't have a TV and we are veggies :)

i have known LOADS of home ed kid. All a bit ( lets say) quirky with parents to match.
REALLY

I am leery when I hear it.

I stand back and do not reveal our own status while I listen for the script.

If I hear elements of the script, or a strong whiff of group-think-itus, I'm off.

Online and offline I have met HEers I like and I have lots in common with. But I am so very tired of the group think and the need for watching what you say in case it results in a "hit hive with stick" swarm like reaction.

I also have very little patience for the elements within the "community" who are rather concerned with their non sheeple status and wouldn't know the difference between anecdote and data if their life depended on it.

So yeah, tell me you home educate and my position is one of readying the blocks to beat a hasty retreat.

It's been 8 years or so now. I've had a lot of practice. It works for me.

Again, you're missing the point about pedagogy.

If the children are primary school age, I tend not to care one way or another. But at secondary school age I am a lot more opinionated. The amount of people that think they're going to get their child through KS3/4 maths (my subject) by going round supermarkets etc is scary. I have an imagination when it comes to teaching but I still can't work out how quadratic functions or radians of a circle are part of a shopping trip.

But OP - and I mean this with absolute and genuine,sincerity - a child of eight does not know what is best, and nor should they be given the responsibility of making these kind,of decisions. Its,a,parents responsibility to weigh up the bigger picture and find alternative options due to the wealth of life,experience that they have.

otherwise frankly, when they hit teenage years you are fucked. What teenager loves going to school? What teenager doesn't feel somehow less or other or not one of the crowd? I totally understand that your son may need extra help right now but genuinely push you to consider what would work best in the long term.

if you pull him out now he may well continue these totally pointless negative feelings over school and refuse to go back. Schools are a brilliant microcosm of society that simply cannot be replicated at home.

you may be able to teach an eight year old but can you do it better than people who have training on teaching? Even being a rocket scientist doesn't make you a good teacher, it just makes you good at being a rocket scientist.

teachers can also have, and obviously do have, a very different relationship with children that I personally consider important. For every terrible teacher out there (and I had one that still gives me nightmares) there are ten other wonderful, pushing, inspirational ones.

you are the parent - you should be making the decisions, not an eight year old. Its not fair on them.

Funny that improbablesaint all the HE kids I know (and I do actually know loads through actually HE'ing) are just kids, much like those ones in school.

Where do you go to meet all these "quirky" kids and parents, or shouldn't I ask?

I don't think I am Janine; I am a qualified teacher myself and really and truly it isn't rocket science. That isn't to say many teachers don't do a fabulous job, of course.

OP, I really don't mean to drag back other threads in any kind of horrible way, but didn't you start one about supply teaching work? Aren't you recently separated, six months pregnant, and financially struggling?

Again -- really, not muckraking here. It was just something that chimed with me, because my mother was in a very similar position when she and my father divorced. She wasn't pregnant, but I was seven, my sister was a toddler, and she was a former teacher who'd left work to be a SAHM. When my father left, she had no money, no job, and not even a car (big issue in a rural area).

It was (understatement) a really difficult time. I was an introverted child, and I didn't like school, but I was never given the option of leaving, and now in retrospect I'm glad of that. Without realising, I had taken so much of the household anxiety on my shoulders, and staying at home would have really exacerbated that. I worried so much about my mother, and how we were going to manage.

I think the eldest child, when one parent leaves, will often place a lot of pressure on themselves to 'step up'. Even if they can't practically do anything (and probably in part because of this inability to really help) they will feel a great respnsibility towards their mother and younger sibling/s. I completely understand that your maternal instinct is telling you to draw your son closer to protect him, but IMHO he needs other, more impartial avenues of support (I really hope you will seek professional help for him), plus a certain continuity. It sounds like everything has changed very quickly, and that more huge changes are coming soon new baby, moving home and school and I really think there's something to be said for maintaining a routine, even if it's not an especially happy one.

If you're not the poster I think you are, then I really apologise!

I see what you're saying goodness but I don't think I am making DS make the decisions as such - which isn't to say it hasn't crossed my mind as well! - but he isn't being wilful or naughty. He feels he can't go, can't face it. There's a difference I think.

So why do teacher training courses exist then, if pedagogy doesn't matter?

Great that you're a qualified teacher, you would obv bring that experience with you. Rather different to a parent who has no teaching qualifications deciding to HE.

And my other point about v v recent changes in your home life driving this big change? I agree with the poster who talked about addressing the symptom not the cause of your DS's difficulties. And with goodnessgracious.

August, no, not muck raking at all. I think you make some very salient points and I identify with some after my mum died - I wasn't the eldest child but my brother was off the rails at that point.

The situation though has partly resolved itself insofar as finances are concerned but my mother had a house in the north of the county that she kept. I have been letting it out but plan to move in myself in the summer. Then let this one out which will be far more profitable as its a lot more spacious.

So DS would be starting a new school come September anyway. That's largely why I feel some space away for a few months - I don't want to HE indefinitely and certainly not at secondary school level - but I do feel it would benefit DS now to feel listened to.

So why do teacher training courses exist then, if pedagogy doesn't matter?

To train people to teach large groups of children, having diverse needs and learning abilities?

I agree with HE in principle and spent a period of time He'ing one DS who was in a bullying situation at school on and off for two years at primary. Half way through first year of high school when it was clear it was continuing and the school was utter crap I took him out. He loved school and was a very sociable kid.

The reality of home schooling though was awful. Age 8 I agree with you there's absolutely no reason why you can't teach them. Even age 11 as my DS was nothing was beyond my intellect. However, even though we live in a city the HE network was small and seemed more geared up to families with young children - lovely days out at the park with a bit of historical stuff thrown in or craft afternoons etc. The older kids that there were of his age and a bit older were being home educated as they clearly had problems and there wasn't one that he identified with. The pool of kids to make friends with was very small.

Yes he did Scouts already and I had plans for sports clubs etc but the reality was his friends at Scouts already had their own friends at school so while he'd have a good time with them for that 1.5 hours once a week he didn't share the background of school, which counts for a lot in terms of in jokes, gossip etc. He was part of an orchestra - same thing, have a chat but no chance for outside friendship as funnily enough kids at school are very busy, often at weekends too. All organised activities are evenings and weekends. I just felt he was on the outside looking in.

It was only a temporary measure and in the end I put him into a private school and it's been great - six years on there has not been one incident of bullying and he's got great friends and a busy social life. He is very sociable though. I found the discipline at private school better. The state school he was in was shite. Not all are like that but pastoral care was effing non-existent.

If it's a temporary thing then I'd say ok but you live rurally and I don't see the opportunities for your DS to socialise. If he's withdrawn at school with the people he sees every day then he'll have an even smaller social life being HE'ed. I think also you've made your mind up, he knows it's an option. I think school on the whole is better than home education and I would have found a solution for him to continue at school rather than him knowing he can stay home as he'll be disappointed now to stay on and it would be detrimental to his well being to be upset like that. Perhaps a private counsellor outside of school might be the best thing before jumping. Or if you do take him out then he must know it's until September say when he starts a new school. Long term I don't think it's healthy, sorry.

HE'd DD because of anxiety not dealt with by 2 schools - no SEN diagnosed; dd became 'school refuser'
after 6 mths HE, got her into a great local primary with a brilliant head - she was 'cured' in a few months and has been fine since
it solved dd's problem by giving her a way out of the anxiety and stress; knowing there was an escape route meant she could cope

maybe you cant see it when you are one, Dinosaur but they are generally weird.

Hopefully not Janine - I am woefully out of practice!

You do seem to be answering rather selectively. Could you tell us about the referrals you think will be started by your ds having two weeks off sick?

No they aren't generally weird at all. There is nothing different about my sons home ed friends and my friends schooled kids. However, you do seem to be quite weird.

So where do you know all these HE'ers from? Were you HE yourself as a kid?

Only because I don't want to endlessly repeat myself hak and because I miss things - it's a long thread. I imagine ewo referrals and possibly ss.

on what do you base this statement?

Life.

I couldn't or would want to do it! And yes my first reaction would be "what's up" type thing. But if I wanted to do it I wouldn't care what others thought. Being honest for you it sounds like a bit of a knee jerk reaction. It also looks like you seem to think it's a "force him to school and have therapy" so what's the point type situation. You say getting your DS to open up is "complex", that's what trained CAMHS professionals are for, regardless of how long the waiting list is. It's not about fault etc but if as you say your DS has been badly affected by your marriage break up to the extent he doesn't want to go to school then it's time to get outside help. Avoidance generally only helps maintain anxiety.

Crystal, what I mean is the scenario many seem to advocate is to forcibly lift DS out of bed and undress him - as he resists - get him into his uniform and carry/drag him in.

He's 8; I probably could but he'd resist and be frightened and humiliated. I daresay it wouldn't be entirely safe for me as I am 5 months pregnant.

Once I've dragged him into school they then begin therapy and I imagine they will ask DS how he feels.

How would you feel?

OR I say to DS 'fine, no school - but on the condition you get up and wash and dress.' I put certain stipulations in place and he cooperates. THEN, when he has therapy he will hopefully be able to engage. Because he will feel respected and listened to and safe.

I hope that makes sense.

Barring SEN or bullying etc?

My first thought is always "These parents are not trained teachers. They can not possibly give their children a proper education." I mean, for goodness' sake. How on earth is a parent completely untrained in Chemistry, for example, meant to answer a complex technical question? If a child can't work out a Maths problem on their own and need help? They're not trained in Maths or Chemistry or any other subject. They're not going to know the answer, are they?

My second is "Those poor children should be in school, with friends, learning how to function as part of wider society, not spending 24 hours a day cooped up with their parents". I firmly believe this is wrong.

I also think it's a bit snobbish, that people with no experience or training think they can do a better job than people who have trained as teachers for god knows how many years.