To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

Fair enough Turquoise- I hadn't seen the other thread. I freely admit under the conditions that a/parent being a qualified teacher, b/ kid has protracted problems at school which are not addressed by authorities and is not actually learning anything c/financially affordable then structured HE is not an unreasonable option.

Re SN parents and physical violence (from other kids, I am understanding, not the actual teachers) at school, I am wondering how much of this is a class thing- that is, how much of this goes on in schools at good neighbourhoods, and how much in poorer/ inner city areas. As I said, I would find this unthinkable in my kids school which is very "right-on"- also happens to be located in a great area (we only ended up there by chance, and it is not our school area) but I could totally see it happening in poorer neighbourhoods. @Nicki I hope your child doesn't have to go through anything like that, ever again.

Of course children's physical safety should be the absolute priority, and if that is in question, then of course parents should make decisions they see fit to ensure that their kids are safe. I have just been raised to consider schools as safe places, and I have been very fortunate never to encounter anything, apart from new stories, which would make me think otherwise.

You're showing your ignorance of the law there fairenuff there is no legal requirement to follow a national curriculum or do anything else monitored by Ofsted UNLESS you are a state school. Private schools can teach what they like, so can people who HE. Eton and / or your own living room are free from Ofsted inspections .

I haven't managed to read more than half of the thread, but I am
Surprised that so many see mainstream education as being the best full stop when it is a one size fits all approach.
Homeschooling is a valid approach that, done properly, means an education tailored to your child, opportunities to learn beyond the for walls of a classroom, socializing with a vast range of people (not just peers) and the ability to teach more than the curriculum could ever hope to cover. There are curriculums you can purchase, free online courses from institutions and universities all over the world and so on, so you don't need to be an expert!

I wish I were more suited to it because I'd love to be able to do it for my dc.

OP, you know your child best. If you feel that at this present time he needs nurturing at home and you are able to educate him yourself (with support from therapy etc) in a way that supports that, then go for it.

I think school is a really good place to learn social skills and to get along with their peers. Also it gives children independence.

Excuse typos, I'm on my phone

That's why I asked if OP had looked into it Catrus. She needs to know all this sort of thing if she is going to HE.

Eve, being a qualified teacher has nothing at all to do with H.ed and has no bearing at all when educating on a 1 to 1 basis.
You don't need to follow a curriculum, plan, assess etc. The things you learn during your PGCE and teacher training have no relevance at all.

Eve, I am a qualified teacher by coincidence - it has no bearing on this decision. I won't be teaching my son in the same way I taught in schools and as someone has said, my lounge is OFSTED free.

Besides, I am not qualified to teach primary!

Eve My son's first school was an Ofsted 'outstanding' very well respected school in a 'naice' middle class area, professional families and a waiting list to get in. Some of the behaviour there (other children to ds) was astonishingly bad. From daily goading to wind him up and watch him pop, to the awful child who would spit in his hands and rub it on ds's face. Countless items stolen. Kicked under the table during lessons, followed to the toilet and the door kicked in to embarrass him. Some of it happened in the yard at drop off so I saw it happening.

He was also physically manhandled by staff during 'restraint'. On one occasion he sought safety in a toilet cubicle and three staff dragged him out by his armpits. You see, when schools have behavioural incidents like this they want them over with as soon as possible, but instead of recognising that a child has gone past the point of no return and they need to burn themselves out before they can recover, some staff will persistently insist on intervening and they make matters worse. It's poor training, lack of awareness, lack of empathy, lack of care.

Believe me, this sort of thing happens with alarming regularity. Read the SEN boards and you'll see countless examples of similar incidents.

I think school is a really good place to learn social skills and to get along with their peers. Also it gives children independence

Oh, if only! My son didn't develop any of that until we started HE. Your view might be the case for some, but it's certainly not a rule you can apply to every child, and that is the problem. One size doesn't fit all, and for some children enforced socialisation can be hell on earth.

OP

I think in your situation I would be HS for the time being while accessing professional help and then trying to work with someone to see if you can get him back into a school setting, if at all possible.

You seem to me like you have your head screwed on and I have no doubt you will make the right decision. Your son definitely needs professional help but in the mean time I think HS him seems like a good decision and hopefully within time he will be able to cope with school again.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You have been very gracious in the face of some offensive replies (I'm talking about posts like Jemimina's) and I have no doubt you will do all the research required to make it work for you.

My ds was at an " outstanding" private school

He was bullied and they couldn't deal with it...we had to remove him!

Thank you, that's really kind of you

If I was capable of HS my 13 year old I would.

School has done fuck all good for his socialisation skills and I believe he would have thrived more at home.

School my son was at is very well thought of as well. Lots of professionals are happy to see their children there.

OP - you need to stop thinking about what other people think, it doesn't matter, you know your son better than anyone else and know what isn't working for him.

I say this as the person who was slightly scared to leave the house during school hours when we first started HE . The thing was that all the people who mattered, who knew us (even my former teacher mother amongst others), knew that we were doing the best thing for our child at that time in her life.

Have you asked his school about something similar to A2E (Access to Education)?

We used this service when one of the children in our school started refusing to come in. They provided tutors for some of the time and he attended school on a part-time timetable. It can be done for medical or non-medical reasons. There are other options than removing him altogether.

We've found that when children in our school are going through a difficult time, such as bereavement or family breakdown, going to school is one of the best things they can do, as it keeps the "normality" in their life while everything else may seem to be falling to pieces.

And just to say, your DS will only meet the threshold for CAMHS intervention if he has an identifiable mental health problem. They would also not undertake therapeutic work with a child whose home life is unsettled.

I have to say the notion of allowing an 8-year-old to choose not to attend school sounds like a big mistake.

You're right, lavender, I do.

I am reassured by the fact I can "answer" all objections raised by people here. Put simply, I just want happy children and if I thought forcing DS into school would produce that I would, but it wouldn't!

I think some here have the impression that I, my DS and baby DD are camped out here hiding from the world and we're not - we're coming back into the world. For a long time I haven't been able to establish friendships, work, or feel normal. I feel as if we're slowly getting our strength back after a long illness. I can hear my own voice sounding calmer and with a note of humour in it.

I think we'll be all right :)

Surburban, after my Mum died (on a Saturday) I was bundled back to school on Monday.

It was not the best thing. Statistics may claim it is but for me it made me feel I had to carry on as normal, as nothing had "really" happened. I didn't grieve because no one let me. It was years later all my hurt and sadness came tumbling out - and made me a perfect, perfect target for a damaged man.

I'm letting DS grieve; I'm letting him recover.

I have said previously but - "allowing him not to attend school sounds like a big mistake" - so how would you get him into school?

Streaky since the beginning of year 3. He would be in Year 7 now. How about you?

I am quite glad I am on this thread because it's reminding just how friffing awful everything was for him and what a different child he was back then. It's good to remember that when I am experiencing my inevitable moments of self doubt.

there is a checklist the GP will have for CAMHS referral but anxiety; poor behavior (out of character behavior indicating emotional issues); refusing to go to school when he previously did go to school; evidence provided by the op of the nature of the separation and any domestic abuse etc - all would I suspect meet criteria for accessing some kind of family-based (which does not mean the whole family needs to attend, could be child centred) intervention/therapy via local CAMHS .

but op could also access child centred play/art/music therapy type intervention privately.

I have done HE in the past, and we're looking at doing it again. My reason is that basically my eldest want to, and my youngest has then decided to join him!
They are both lovely and very sociable (more so away from school), but it dawned on me the main reason I was sending them to school was to give them experience of dealing with people they doesn't particularly like. I don't know about you but "Here son, you have to go learn to deal with ars#-h*les, that as an adult you'd probably just avoid like the plague" seems like a weak reason to force them to go to school.
Don't panic too much about following the curriculum exactly, we're planning to use online learning sites to keep them heading in the right direction in Maths, English and Science, so they can do iGCSE exams when they are older.
Check out the Education Otherwise website, loads of good links and resources.

I homeschooled our 2 as we lived abroad in a remote location. They loved it and did well. In fact, though they returned to school when we got back to the uk, they say that the honeschooling time was their best educational experience. Hasn't harmed them intellectually -son is at uni studying engineering, daughter planning to do languages. They are both very sociable.

I don't think I would have homeschooled unless it had to but it seems to have been a very positive experience for them.

I don't understand this idea that HE children won't be able to function in MS society with people who did go to school. You do realise in many cases that we co-opt lessons don't you? Where our dc are expected to sit and attend to the tutor. We also do actually have friends who have children who attend mainstream school. My son does martial arts, which is highly disciplined and taught by the most no nonsense sensei you can imagine. We are not living on compounds with our children running wild and having no contact with main stream society.