To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

I don't think the op has actually said the problem is school, she has said that ds is struggling with school because of what has happened at home

Turquoise you seem to have been through a really tough time and I can understand you don't want to put your ds through anymore upset but it is worth really taking some time to think about this. Can you give him the time he would need during the day, do you have support around you?

OP, I haven't read your other threads, but another poster, I think Eve, made a point about this becoming a stick to beat someone with in a divorce.

If your ex is the malicious type, honestly, do give this some thought. You don't want him trying to get the dcs to live with him on the basis that you're not sending your ds to school.

May be totally irrelevant to your situation, just thought I'd throw it out there.

my thread from last year asking exactly the same thing OP, seems not much has changed

Who is being restrained daily and coming home with cuts and bruises all over his face and body, who ended his school career being held face down on a desk having his head banged off it by a head teacher then I think it can be agreed that the parent of that particular child is a better teacher

Cuts and bruises? This sounds absolutely awful and like something out of Nickolas Nickleby. Of course if something like that was going on with my kids, SN or not, I would consider not sending them, as well as probably involving child protection, complaining to authorities, whatever. Cuts and bruises?

I am not doubting your word that you have witnessed this- but yes, I find it hard to imagine something like this, where the child would be sent home with cuts and bruises and no parental outcry happening at our school. Our parents are fund-raising to buy stand-up desks for the kids who find it hard to sit down during class (I wonder how Jemima feels about that?).

eve there WAS parental outcry, from me and my child's father. It WAS reported to the LA and there WAS an investigation.

Do you really find it so hard to believe that something like this could happen? Are you really so insular and protected in your own little bubble?

This happened to MY child, when he was 7 years old and we are certainly not alone.

My own reaction to homeschooling parents is to hope they've looked properly at the bigger picture and thoroughly researched what it involves, rather than just hoping for a quick fix for a temporary issue; it's a heck of a big thing to take on and needs very careful thought and planning

OP this is obviously totally your decision to make, but I'm afraid I'm just not hearing those things - could it be the "horror with which the school have reacted" suggests they feel the same??

Hi OP.

I was on your other thread about this. What have the school said about his absence so far? Is it being recorded as sick, unauthorised or what?

Will you have to apply for a place at his new school to start in September, or has he already been offered a place?

nicki

That is awful, how is he doing now

The children would not be able to live with my husband.

Eve I certainly don't feel you are anything like jemima! You express your views politely for starters!

I have avoided, other than briefly mentioning it earlier in the thread, explaining I am a teacher, but I am indeed qualified and taught secondary English for seven years. I don't pretend to be an expert because of this and I certainly don't plan to teach DS in the same way I taught children at school.

However, because of this, I know many teachers and they are not automatically because of a qualification the expert on your child. I have known teachers who are talented, clever and kind. I have also known teachers who are lacking in a basic education themselves. I have heard teachers, many times, talk condescendingly about the "arrogance" of middle class children, about how they wish to work in deprived areas to "make a difference." Sometimes, this is sincere. Other times, it is to mask the fact that when a middle-class child reaches 18, he is cleverer than his teachers. I have heard teachers "afraid" to teach A level for this reason.

Schools are great. Trust me, I've no real issue with DS's school other than a slightly draconian view on attendance (which I understand) and I like his class teacher very much, but automatically going to school won't heal him any more than going to work would, were he an adult.

DS has had a strange old time with schools - he joined midway through reception and had problems in Year 1 as it was a mixed year 1/2 class and older, rougher boys were giving some of the younger children a hard time. I think that's when an aversion to school crept in. During year 2 but I was ill in pregnancy which upset him (he is a sensitive wee soul.) He had a very well-meaning but ultimately quite irritating (though I never said this!) to DS class teacher in that year who kept forcing DS to go to a nurture type group to talk about his feelings about his ill mother which just got DS upset and marked him as "different" (his perception, not mine.) He also thought as a result of this I had something wrong with me beyond pregnancy sickness. For the first part of year 3 he seemed all right until this term - he's been withdrawn and unsettled since after Christmas, culminating in last week's breakdown. To add another chop/change to him now wouldn't be kind.

I really feel the most sensible and productive way forward is time at home, and then review the future as and when.

Eve You'd probably be surprised by the kinds of things we SEN parents have to accept as the norm. Cuts and bruises? "Oh, he had a meltdown and we had to restrain him, but he wouldn't stay still". Or other similar excuses. My son was restrained daily in his last few weeks at school, despite my advice that to touch him when he was anxious would escalate his stress and he would lash out. So what did the numnuts do? They would grab him by the shoulders and tell him to calm down. Talk about sticking your hand into the lion's cage . BUT ds would always be the one who was blamed and punished, because he shouldn't have responded like that.

This is what it's like for a lot of children with SEN in mainstream schools. It's no wonder parents are opting to home educate in increasing numbers, when they can't guarantee their children's safety at school.

Cuts and bruises aren't that unusual eve. My DS sometimes had bruises - he didn't have cuts. But he did have his I-pod stolen, his uniform urinated upon while he was in PE, his arm twisted behind his back, was thrown around a cloakroom. School dealt with some of these sorts of things, but the bullies don't get permanently excluded and find new ways of tormenting. Far worse than the dramatic episodes is the widespread acceptance that he can be called 'weirdo' 'freak' 'retard' 'loser' by so many kids from the minute he gets there to the minute he comes home. It's no surprise really that he's flown academically in the last two months since we took him out. But it was never what I wanted to do. Since he left we've heard of more children who are leaving, thinking of going, who've been beaten up, who've had their I-phones smashed and thrown down the toilet etc etc

The first school I worked in was very volatile and violent.

Children would be physically and verbally slaughtered and we teachers were powerless to do anything about it. It was awful.

I have always been anti private education (I went to a private school!) but I said to DH (still DP in those days) that I would prostitute myself before I sent my child to that school.

turquoise

Yes it sounds as if he needs a chance to heal, no stress in his life and no worries

After a particularly difficult time in our lives we took ds, then 8 also, to see a play therapist and she worked wonders

Play therapy is something I am looking into, alongside music therapy.

I think as you say, he needs stress and worry removed completely for a period of time.

That isn't to say I won't be educating him, but it won't be (mostly) formal education.

I speak as one who has 200 school stories on my shelf, because I myself loved school so much. By and large I think most teachers are absolutely fantastic, and work in really challenging environments. DS's Head of Year is a shining example - 110% committed/ absolutely understanding/ one of the kindest people I know/ a brilliant English teacher, but the bullying just had too much of a hold. No - I'm not going to send him back, unless he wants to go. And those who bang on about not being able to function in 'society' if they don't go to school have no idea, no idea at all about what school is like for a child who is relentlessly bullied.

Yes it sounds as if he needs a chance to heal, no stress in his life and no worries

I agree with this. Taking the pressure off for a while can be very therapeutic and WHEN he's more able to cope, then you can think about returning him to school. If he's not ready, he's not ready, but I wouldn't risk your child's mental health by putting him into an environment that's hurting him, just because it's 'the norm'. Once you lose grip on your mental health, it's always there in the background and that can be a very fragile existence. And that goes for all of us, not just children.

Dowser, you say you're a trained teacher, then say: "My ten year old learnt himself to read..."

Wtf?

Christina thanks for asking .

He's doing brilliantly now. He does numerous activities now, I posted a rough time table earlier in the thread. They include judo, climbing, football, learning to play the guitar. He has friends now. I will tell you something HE kids are an awful lot better at accepting and dealing with "different" than the mainstream educated children I have come across. None of this was possible at school when he was so stressed out constantly that most days they called me to pick him up within an hour of being there and certainly no one wanted to be friends with the child that was running away and hiding himself in cupboards all the time.

In some ways, we are very lucky in that this area attracts a number of slightly "out there" characters - just a tiny bit bohemian and arty!

There's a few families round here who don't fit into the status quo, whether or not they home school.

I tend to think the child is isolated, (sorry, you did ask!) so it's better if you ensure there is plenty of interaction with other children not just in play but in the sense of learning to work in a team and produce work based on team effort. Some kids find that really hard and lots of adults do too!

I think it depends on your reasons, your set up and your ability to mix with other home ed parents and kids.

If done properly I think it could be bloody fantastic.

I never considered it for mine who are all teens and older now but after being a TA in reception class and year 1 and seeing the relentless pressure on the children I wish I
Had known what school was like earlier.

Yes lots of fun activities, help him relax and build confidence

My ds joined cubs, it is fab. The badges gave him something to work towards

Some of the online learning sites are good and are geared up to motivating kids to learn

Perhaps in a couple of weeks you could take him to see the new school. When he is feeling a bit better perhaps he could attend for short periods to help him with the transition in September

I don't know where you stay but I will pm you the organization that got us the play therapist , they didn't have one near us but where able to give us feta it's of someone that could help

Your son sounds great Nicki . How long have you been HEing?

Have a look at

That isn't to say I won't be educating him, but it won't be (mostly) formal education.

Have you looked into OFSTED requirements regarding this?