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Home ed

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Original poster

To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

684 replies

turquoiseamethyst · 15/03/2015 23:19

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 16/03/2015 13:08

TalkinPeace, your post was really quite unnecessarily rude, and detracted form whatever point you might have wanted to make.

Charley50 · 16/03/2015 13:08

Hi Turquoise,
I was on your other thread a lot so I'm also responding to that situation. I definitely don't think you should 'deregister' your DS from school. It's 2 weeks until Easter so there is a natural break then, when he may feel like going back, or with some encouragement he might feel like going back before then. However, as far as I know there is a home-schooling movement which is very organized and arranges meet-ups for home-schooled children.

Personally I think you should work on reassuring your DS that school is fine and that everything will be fine, that he has nothing to be afraid of etc. I think you also need to speak to his teacher about what's going on at home and his reaction at school.

I work in a college with quite a few young people who were 'home-schooled.' It is usually because their parents were ill or the parent couldn't cope with school for some reason, although sometimes because of bullying. Invariably these young people arrive at college with no qualifications and are disadvantaged in so many ways due to their experience. They don't have any study skills or knowledge and find it hard to fit in with their peers. Of course others that are home-schooled 'properly' can do well but home-schooling has to be done in an organized way. It's not something to rush in to.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 16/03/2015 13:09

I'd like to know what the employment outcomes for HE kids are in the UK.

I can only speak for my DS, however, I suspect his outcomes are going to be a whole lot better having been HEed than they would have been if he'd remained being taught by disinterested TAs in a corridor, don't you?

Odd post from you Talking, I don't always agree with your views, but they're usually a lot more sane than this.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/03/2015 13:12

"Most of the HE kids I've met over the years have had nutters for parents and are VERY badly behaved."
bit harsh talkinpeace, a bit harsh.

CrystalCove · 16/03/2015 13:13

I agree with everything Dinosaur has said, rather than making a quick impulsive decision. As a matter of interest I dont think anyone has been rude to OP - Who asked what people thought when they heard a child was home educated and that's what people have gave.

JanineStHubbins · 16/03/2015 13:13

If school is usually fine for your DS, then it's even more odd that you are considering HE so precipitously, esp when the refusal has only dates for a couple of weeks. I can't understand why you wouldn't try and help him come to terms with changes in his home life through therapy, referrals etc, instead of jumping straight away for the most extreme step of de-regging him. I think you would be doing your DS a bit of a disservice to do that.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 13:13

I think that to insist DS goes back after Easter then move him again in September would be too much, I really do. Someone upthread asked 'how much disruption do you want him to have?' - obviously none.

DS is hardly going to leave school without any qualifications due to one terms absence/home schooling, even if we did NOTHING in that term!

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 16/03/2015 13:15

Depends on what else I know about the child and family. I expect either the child is one regular school serves poorly because they are beyond just bright, or SN, or both; OR the family is ultra-religious and cannot bear the teaching of non-biblical history and science. I am in full support of the first, but find the other to be the price we pay for the children in the first group to benefit the escape from what can be a toxic environment.

aquashiv · 16/03/2015 13:15

I used to think how on earth can they step into the shoes of a qualified teacher and keep up to speed with the curriculum. I used to think that the children missed out on playing with other children. I do not think that anymore. I now think good for you and the children I meet who are HE appear an awful lot calmer and less stressed.

Christinayang1 · 16/03/2015 13:16

How do you know that things will change and he will want to go in September?

What is it about school that is putting him off?

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 13:16

Calmer and less stressed is DEFINITELY what we are going for!

OP posts:
BirdInTheRoom · 16/03/2015 13:17

Who is saying you should insist he goes back??

People are saying to you to give it a bit more thought rather than rush into it. Why the hurry to de-reg him right now?

TalkinPeace · 16/03/2015 13:17

OP asked what people think.
I've never hidden the fact that I do not think Home Education is a good idea.

A very few kids with specific SEN will be supported by their LEA to be schooled at home

but the majority of the ones that DH and I encounter .....
are parents who had a bad time at school projecting their foibles and prejudices onto their children and impacting negatively on the lifelong outcomes of those children.

When kids are little it may seem fun to have them home all day - assuming you can afford it.
By the time they are looking at higher education and employment its a whole different ballgame.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 13:18

I don't know christina but will be crossing that bridge nearer the time. In September DS will have had months to relax, mentally prepare himself and process the various changes.

As for what's putting him off:

Noise
Bullies (not him but other children)
Lessons that don't engage him
Awkward questions
Homework
Lunch! (Sounds bizarre but he hates eating lunch there)

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 16/03/2015 13:19

School does not suit everyone. One of mine had had enough of school by the end of the Easter term in year 10 so took a term off and then spent the next year having weekly tutorials in subjects they were interested in before going and getting a job at 16. Would have had a meltdown had they remained at school but is now a happy, well adjusted 18yo and can pick up formal education later on.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 13:20

Bird I guess because I don't want to get into trouble myself for a long period of sickness. De regging puts the onus on me

OP posts:
Charley50 · 16/03/2015 13:20

Why? A month is a long time for a young child. If he is off until after Easter that's 5 weeks off. If he's off until September that's around 4 months off school. Of course he shouldn't be doing NOTHING for a third of a year. A PP made the point about getting school phobia, anxiety and agrophobia etc. What do you think about people's suggestions that you seek help, from school, CAMS etc with this? I haven't read the whole thread.

Christinayang1 · 16/03/2015 13:20

It must have been difficult for him,two new babies and the marriage split

His whole world has changed

DinosaurRaaaar · 16/03/2015 13:22

I think with your current situation - marriage breakdown and moving in the summer, de-regging him and removing that last constant (even if he is off sick so not actually there) is potentially very damaging. I also think you have made your mind up and only want to hear things which support your decision. I think in your bid to act in your child's best interest, there may be great harm caused to him, longer term.

Christinayang1 · 16/03/2015 13:23

Have you spoken to your gp?

BirdInTheRoom · 16/03/2015 13:23

But worrying about getting into trouble is in your interest, not your DS's. You're unlikely to get into trouble for a couple of weeks off.

What about bringing him home for lunch for a while, and asking teachers to let him off homework, and to lay off the 'awkward questions' See if that helps him feel better about going?

NickiFury · 16/03/2015 13:24

"A very few kids with specific SEN"

I am quite surprised by that because significant number of the ones I meet have SN/SEN and have been withdrawn because there was simply no where left to go and they were not functioning at all in a school environment. I live in London by the way and there's a huge HE community here so I have met quite a few. I also cannot think of one consistently badly behaved child that I know either. They all have their moments obviously though.

I agree that some HE kids are a lot more confident and perhaps if you think a certain kind of way you might think that means they don't show adults enough deference.

CautiousVisitor · 16/03/2015 13:25

Hmm. My DP was home-schooled for the entirety of his pre-university education. From a looking-back-on-it as an adult POV there are a lot of things going on. For one thing he lacks certain referents and experiences that the vast majority of people (who went to schools) share - silly things, like doing PE in all weathers, classroom dynamics, favourite teachers, that sort of thing. It's hard to explain because it isn't something you think about very consciously...

There are also a lot of mixed-up feelings now because we feel there's a certain amount of guilt-tripping going on from his parents which has this undertone of them having "given" him so much through home-schooling and him "owing" them things in return. It's never said in so many words but we feel the undercurrent is there. This is further complicated by the fact that whilst his parents can point to lots of good reasons for why they homeschooled him we also think a big factor was that they just wanted him home. Which is fair enough enough, but they are having trouble adjusting to him being an adult and not living at home, which I think would be less significant a problem if they hadn't been so used to always having him around, IYSWIM. In the long term I think it's worth thinking about how home-schooling might affect the adult child-parent dynamic.

All that said... my DP is an incredibly intelligent, knowledgeable, well-learned person. He had the kind of education that no school could give - he more or less followed his nose and his parents gave him the tools and support to do so. He did all the standard subjects but at the things he was good at and enjoyed he had the chance to pursue to a much higher level than most schoolchildren would.

I think home schooling is something that can be good and it can be bad, and is sometimes a mixture of the two - much like 'normal' schooling. I think homeschooling for a few years whilst they're young could be great if you have the resources and desire to do it. Due to my DPs experience I'd perhaps take pause at the thought of 'permanent' home schooling (but I get the impression you're thinking more along the lines of a year or so), but as I said above that had its advantages as well as its disadvantages.

LulaMayBrown · 16/03/2015 13:25

Could you work out a half-way solution? Say:

  • asking that he doesn't have to do homework (but in some ways, if he doesn't like homework how will home schooling go?)
  • Picking up before lunchtime and having afternoons off.
  • Seeing if there is a quiet place he can go when the noise is too much (say going to the secretary's office and reading.)

I would just worry, like the others, that if he associates the unhappiness that he is feeling about his home life with school, he will be too shaken up to want to go back in Sept.

Annahmolly · 16/03/2015 13:29

I used to think homeschooling was a bit weird until I had my DD. Now I think that if my DD was bullied or hated school, I would consider homeschooling her, simply because I never want to see her go through that. It would mean sacrificing my own career, however. I think it's a pretty radical and brave thing to do.

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