To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

happybubblebrain what you said about them not mixing with different kinds of people. Honestly the thing my kids found difficult when they started school was the expectation that they played with and were friends with people of their own gender and age. They found it weird as when they were home schooled the mixed with children several years older and younger and they didn't experience the "boys are rough" "girls can't building things, climb or whatever is considered boys stuff" They were also with children who all lived in our naice middle class area. At home school groups they mixed with school refusers, children who had been expelled from main stream as well as people who just wanted to home school.

Tbh I get quite alarmed by the 'school is best' attitude I hear from some people, and the assumption that goes with it that HE parents can't possibly give the same level of academic input that a qualified teacher can.

I have lost count of the number of times I've been approached by friends with school educated children, asking me for advice on how to support their kids when their teachers are failing them. This even happens in crucial exam years. I've come across schools losing course work or teachers not knowing what the curriculum was for the subject they were teaching. Being a qualified and experienced teacher is not a guarantee that a good education is being delivered. There are poor teachers as well as good ones, same as any other profession.

I read this blog by Penelope Tree quite a lot, she's a high-profile advocate of HE. American, so parts are not relevant but most of her points transcend.

education.penelopetrunk.com/2012/04/27/top-universities-want-you-to-homeschool/

My grandchildren watch very little tv...they do other things instead.

Happy bubble brain...with respect you are comparing apples with pears.

I can well understand how your child misses her school friends with a week off school. Anyone would . But it's a totally different experience . A HE child has friends that they meet up in the week with at groups, events etc. they meet in smaller groups at mums houses, parks , soft play etc

My daughter was bullied terribly at comprehensive school. We took her out and sent her to private school. My younger son was terrified we would do the same with him. He thrived at the same school and hated school holidays when he didn't see his friends.

One size doesn't fit all. Same school, same family....totally different experiences.

I would hate to be pushed into anything I didn't want to do, especially if it made me distressed, Ill. Why should our children be any different

As another posted pointed out...schools aren't going anywhere.

Your child has been traumatised by your marriage break up and the things that lead to it.You,on your own admission find it difficult to make friends.Please send the child to school or you and he will just become more isolated and lonely.Use all of the services available for primary school children but don't isolate him from other kids.In answer to your OP about what do we think when hearing that a child is home educated; I think poor little sod,what on earth was his mum thinking?

I don't find it difficult to make friends.

It was difficult to make and keep them when living with my husband. I will spare you the details.

Sorryturquoise I know that you've been through the mill.I really should have thought before typing.Please forgive me.

Dowser, a month off would give the OP more time to explore what the best path to take would be - he may not ever go back to school, but it seems daft to cut off the option of school on whim.

Not everyone is going to be good at HE, or have children that respond well to HE either.

A month off would give the OP time to plan what she's actually going to do with him - be it at home or at school.

It just doesn't sound like she has thought it through properly at all, which cannot be in the best interests of her child.

Hi Turquoise,

I just had a peep at one of your threads, hopefully in a non-stalkery way, and think you have done a remarkable thing escaping your horrible sounding controlling husband. My DM did this recently but only after inflicting my stepfather on us for decades. You have been so brave to make the split now and everything must be raw for all of you.
Your plan sounds like it could work if it was a temporary one. You mention you have a 1 year old who cries all the time, so I wonder how things would go in Sept with 2 young children and trying to HE. I guess preparing your DS with the idea of a new school and fresh start could be a good one. But in the meantime try and be kind to yourself and get plenty of help. Now might be a good time to get in contact with all your old friends, I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.

So have you done anything about finding support to deal with the underlying issues?

This is not about school, this is about a child that is struggling with events that have happened in life. What if next week he decides not to eat?

By all means decide to homeschool but his frustrations and anxiety will just manifest in other ways. Deal with the actual problem

God you've had some judgemental and rude responses on this thread, OP! I'm home edding one child and hoping to keep the other in mainstream school. This is, I think, the best decision for both kids who have very different personality types. DS1 is dyspraxic and has been very badly bullied. We may see if we can find a smaller, more caring school for him, but it may just be that he is never going to manage environments of more than 1000 kids very well. The idea that school is a realistic microcosm of society is bloody ludicrous, and is just spouted out by people who don't actually think things through. Where else, in life, are you forced to spend most of your time with people exactly the same age in the same room? Which other public service, other than education, does not issue warnings that violence and abuse will not be tolerated? In which other workplace might you legitimately be afraid that if you say something someone else doesn't like you could be punched, headbutted or thrown around the cloakroom? And where else would people be given chance after chance after chance with their abysmal behaviour before being kicked out?

Thanks, Mari, that's a lovely reply :) honestly, I never used to struggle making friends - not quite the life and soul but friendly and nice enough I suppose!

I'm not sure it's comparable to not eating - if he decided he wasn't eating a certain type of food more of a comparison. I don't want to home ed indefinitely but it just seems the most sensible thing for now.

For those who repeatedly cite lack of socialisation as a problem. This is ds's week.
Monday - language lesson with a bunch of other kids of similar age.

Tuesday afternoon - an activity group with a whole load of other kids.

Wednesday same as Tuesday.

Thursday - judo with a whole load of other kids.

Friday - football coaching and match, again with loads of other kids.

Weekends he sees cousins and family members, sometimes a play date.

Now I am going to read the full thread and no doubt be as irritated as I always am but the limited thinking that decrees school is the only way and you're some kind of self indulgent weirdo is you choose to HE your child.

I'm a MH professional and also experienced problems at school due to anxiety regarding homelife. I honestly think that de-regging him is possibly going to be detrimental to his long-term MH. I get that he is overwhelmed at the moment, so being at home is best BUT as he feels better when he's at home, there is a high chance that he could start associating feeling "bad" with going to school. And then, as his comfort zone becomes smaller, feeling "bad" about mixing with others outside the home, and before too long, he's agrophobic.

Anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed get worse with avoidant behaviour. So whilst I understand that if he was off school sick, there'd be an expectation for him to go back, that's actually a GOOD thing in terms of his emotional resilience. He knows that it's a short term measure, being at home, for now. By taking away all the stressors, it teaches children that avoidance is betting than learning coping skills.

My opinion is keep him off now on the sick. If school don't like it, tough....your child's health comes first. If people in your locale comment, tough, suck it up, you know you're doing your best for your child.

But please don't de-reg him until he's been seen by CAMHS and they can advice further. Removing the expectation may well be the thing that generates long-term MH issues.

I like to and need to work so could not devote the whole of my time to a child.
I am not arrogant enough to think that I could provide all of my child's learning and socialisation needs.
Most of the HE kids I've met over the years have had nutters for parents and are VERY badly behaved.
I'd like to know what the employment outcomes for HE kids are in the UK.

*better

I'm not arrogant, and my children have always behaved beautifully.

not read thread but do what is right for child right now. his needs will change and if you can help him through this tough time, brilliant I just think its odd in that if problems at home its usually nice for child to get break at school, but if he doesnt enjoy it...

The not eating is just an example

Have you actually made an appointment with a therapist?

You have mentioned that this has been going on for a while. Have you met with school, do they have a counsellor, educational,psychologist etc?

It hasn't really been going on. While christina. Essentially he didn't like school but could cope with school when nothing else was going on. Recent events have meant that plus school is too much, if that makes sense.

No, school is a tiny rural school. No counsellors or educational psychologists.

Talkinpeace where on earth are you living to come across all these HE "nutters" and their horribly behaved children.

I meet HE parents nearly every day and can honestly say I have only met one that even remotely made me wonder about her motives for home educating conspiracy theorist

talkin what an odd post your normally so measured.

Wee soul, it's heartbreaking to see them hurt

Op isnt even doing this from some ideology but from immediate cirs

BTW op I also had trouble at home, at that age and was not happy at school, i was moved at 9 and found immediately it was wonderful. Good luck.