Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

"omg I've got half way through this thread and can't believe how people's attitudes to home education are. Do they net realise that children are sponges and learn from everything"

Which includes incorrect grammar. "Could of" etc is not a typo you'd usually correct before sending if needed (which I agree is not necessarily the case on mn) but indicates a basic lack of understanding of something fairly basic.

No because if she got organised and supported the children at school everyone would have more time and be happier.
5 children, close in age is hard physical work- in her isolated situation with no support network it is even harder.

I think it would work if there was a big HE community to provide the support network but there isn't and the school seems to be the only avenue for a support network. Anyone with children, living in a rural location, relying on public transport, a husband who works away and no family nearby needs a support network.

It works well on a good day but I don't know how you cope on a bad day, if you have to take a child to A&E or you are sick yourself etc

Kepek so maybe her school wasn't brilliant. Presumably this was a good 20 years ago. But should she perpetuate this knowing her grammar isn't great? Yes teachers make howlers too but then they should be picked up on by other teachers or by the parents. Out ofschool and fairly isolated these cchildren's only exposure will be could of should of would of. And they are not going to walk into a library and have a lightbulb moment.

Ok have you thought about flexible schooling - with checking the new guidelines some great groups on Facebook . It really can (handled well) give you the best of both worlds especially with 5 kids - would add some structure for you week and give you more space and time for each child

"the difference between home ed and school is they get a more personalised education what would be a hour session to teach 30 children can take 20 mins with just one, so that's why home ed children who have some sort of lessons only study for 2 hrs a day and they have more fun doing so. they grow into teenagers who want to learn and know how to teach themselves as opposed to teenagers who are stitched off and couldn't careless."

The thing is that I get the impression that these children aren't being educated at all at home.

I agree that the OP needs a better support network. I remember when DD was 10 weeks old. I was in no position to be able to educate a child. Home educating successfully is IMO a much harder option than sending your children to school.

My friend who took her child out of school could drive and had access to all the HE networks around. Without a car her child's life would have been very dull (we live in a rural area).

Like many posters, I think that HE can be great for some families. But the OP has just thrown her hands up and taken her kids from school because it seems to suit her.

She is not describing a good environment for her DC's learning, but that does not mean I think all HE is bad. Please, can we not tie this into an perceived anti-HE debate?

I have nothing against the HE- it is the HE in that situation. OP was written on a bad day, and now bitterly regretted as she doesn't like the responses.
There will be other bad days and they are the ones that you need a support network of at least one other person.
When do any of the children ever get a one to one moment? You could do with one child being able to go to a friends, being taken out by granny etc.
By HEing they are always 'the gang'. I have 2 close in age and it was tempting,while little,to go for ease and give them the same bath time, bedtime, story etc. Life improved when the younger one went first with his own time and then the older one. It must be impossible for one person to give the individual time- especially to the children in the middle. Does OP even get enough sleep?
I get the impression she went with the flow, started school because it was easier, took them out because it was easier and has never sat down and planned where she wants to go and how she manages the needs and interests of 5 children- especially if they turn out to be conflicting. My children are as different as chalk from cheese, they may be very close in age but once they got to about 6 yrs it was very difficult to suit them both. Luckily it didn't all hinge on me. When the older one had football training in the evening I could be at home with the youngest while his father met him and we took part in lift shares etc.
Life isn't going to stay the same with 5 youngish children happy to mill around at home doing nothing much.

You're not educating them, you are letting them do whatever they want. You are not providing them with what they need which is education. You are failing them. You should be shamed - we have one of the best education systems in the world, and it's free, and you don't want your children to benefit from it? Awful.

That's a bit harsh Eirik. The OP needs support not a blasting.

I would suggest also that just because one child doesn't fit in school there is no reason the others can't go if it works for them. It isn't all or nothing.

Does she? I'd say support is the last thing because it will validate her choice to 'unschool' her children. They need education, I make no apologies for stating that in bald terms.

I don't want it to get into an HE v school debate. This is not what it is about. HE can work brilliantly,( and does) but you need transport, you need groups, you need energy, you need individual time with a child ( or the child does) and above all you need a support network. If one child wants to join a drama group you need to lift share and not drag another 3 + a baby in the car and then have to hang around 2 hours because it isn't worth going home. The practicalities are very difficult unless you are happy to stay in isolation at home. It gets more difficult as they get older and interests diversify.

If she is set on HE, having read the theory, Eirik then at least a support network would allow her to attempt an education rather than the present 'crowd control',where the needs of the most insistent come first- in her case it has to be the baby.

The problems with DS2 at school seem to me to be the fact that he hasn't got the position of eldest and he wasn't the baby of the family for long. I am not blaming OP because she obviously hasn't the time, but has he ever been out with her or her DH completely on his own. Has he ever had her undivided attention for some of the day? I doubt it- you would have to be Mary Poppins to do it!

"This is 5 children with different needs"

And teachers have to deal with classes of 30+ children. Possibly includes 5 or more with different needs.

TamerB
"I fail to see how you can 'unschool' someone who has never been.
Home Education makes sense as a term, 'unschooled' does not."

I don't think you understand what unschooling is.

Oh dear apocketfulofposy that was a baptism of fire.
Glad you've got the thread to the HE board now. I guess you understand why most of us stick to this board now.

It does sound like you have it tough. Any mother with five such small children in difficult circumstances would find things overwhelming at times.
Though I found personally trying to manage the school run in such a rush with three small ones a nightmare-the relief I felt for us still to be in PJs and snuggled up reading when everyone else was doing that mad dash was immense! I hate to even think of it with 5!

I'd give yourself a bit of a break right now, and remember in many societies the children wouldn't have started formal education anyway.
Relax and enjoy as much as possible, and treat life as though it were one long summer holiday.
And of course autonomous HE is so damned efficient, that the children will come along in leaps and bounds when they are following their interests with enthusiasm.
I'm glad you got together with another home educator and got some real life support, because it does sound as though that is the key to what you need right now.
And a long wet winter is tough on anyone who has small children-whether they are in school all day, or at home, they are all champing the bit to use up excess energy.
Autonomous HE thrives best when you can all be out and about in the fresh air, living and learning.

I wonder if it would be more useful for you to come on over to the 'Mumsnet Home Education FB Group so that your voice looking for ideas on managing. won't be drown out by those who know nothing about HE, and even less about Autonomous HE/Unschooling?

Or even better come over to the UK Unschooling Network FB group where you will find others who are managing to autonomously HE large numbers of HE children, and can find people to support you and to help you look for solutions to the issues, without getting the "send 'em back!" answers you clearly don't want.

"When do any of the children ever get a one to one moment?"

How would going to school change that?
And it isn't impossible to give the children one to one.

I understand it- it is the term that I don't like , in common with many other misleading modern labels.
If you had a situation like julienoshoes in Worcestershire it would be a different matter- you haven't!
You will be happy on HE board and you will be pleased that I will stay away! They will never ever admit that there are good HEers and poor ones.
It isn't that you are a poor one, it is your situation that is poorly placed to start- or to be more precise - to continue after the early years without the support network. An online one is not the same.

So her real fault in your eyes is that she has 'too many' children?

And for anyone actually interested in finding out more- 'Unschooling' is an American term for a style of education more often called 'Autonomous Education' in the UK. It's called 'Unschooling' to define it as opposite as anything you might find in school. You don't ever have to have been in school, to be 'unschooled'.
There is no adult imposed structure to the education. The adults instead facilitate whatever the children are interested in.
Dr Alan Thomas has done a fair bit of research into this style of 'Informal Learning' and did a a few years back for us

He's written several books based on his research, but he also has this article available on line about autonomous HE too, that may help with understanding

Other authors of note to read, from a UK perspective would be Jan Fortune-Wood.

There is much online from Sandra Dodd who takes it a step further-as many of us do, and applies this to all aspects of life, and finds it so very successful.
Pam Larrichia would be another online source and my personal favourite Joyfully Rejoycing