Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

Hi posy

You have a lot on your plate, that's for sure, and I take my hat off to you. I'm just about managing with 2 doc and very little support.

However, regardless of what people think, putting your children back into school isn't the only option here, as you and I both know.

Have you thought about switching your style up a bit?

When we first embarked on the HE journey, I was adamant that I wanted to do the Autonomous education approach. However, as much as I wanted it, it just didn't suit my ds1. He needs more direction, more input and more structure. Unfortunately I then went the complete opposite way and structured our days right down to the last minute. This also backfired spectacularly.

Over the last couple of weeks we have finally settled into a more semi-structured approach and although I'm a bit sad that a fully autonomous approach didn't work for us, we are all now very relaxed and happy.

We do formal lessons in the morning 9-11.30am. We cover maths and phonics each morning and I require a minimum of 20mins on both subjects. If they want to do more, great, if not then we'll add in another subject for the morning. Science/Social studies etc.

Our afternoons are more free flow. We do swimming lessons, HE groups, trips to the park or Beach, play dates, sometimes the zoo or museum or aquarium.

What I'm trying to say dips that YOU may want to follow a completely autonomous education for your children but it might not suit THEM. Switch things up a bit, find out what works and throw out what doesn't. Settle slowly into a routine that you're ALL happy with, and if all else fails then maybe you can start thinking of a return to school.

You will need a good support network though. Is there any chance of you driving? If not, it's not the end of the world but it would be really helpful to connect to others in the area who are also HE'ing. Accept help from those who offer it and don't be shy of asking for help when you need it.

And don't worry about the odd day where nothing gets done. Today for example, I'm full of a cold and not feeling all that great so all we've done this morning is watch youtube. Phonics songs, penguins and volcanoes. We'll go swimming in half a hour (not in uk) and I'll probably get the art stuff out and let them at it.

Seems from your last post that you're feeling a bit better which is great.

Good luck.

my op was a bit of a rant really,its not the whole story of the reasons why i took them out,just the ones that applied directly to me,there were other reasons for the kids,if the kids were happy i wouldnt of minded all the school crap,i could of got over that,but they were not,they were uninspired,tired and stroppy.

That's 2 dc not doc's. They're not that good yet.

I couldn't even begin to think about home schooling. It would be far too much stress and hard work. Just put them back into school as it's just not working out. You gave it a go so good for you. I wouldn't have had the courage or energy.

You don't actually mention any 'education' in with the being at home bit. Yes, you don't have to rush in the morning, you can avoid the fallout of DS 2's behaviour issues by avoiding him being around any other children except siblings, the children 'play all day' but when and how on earth can you educate them while dealing with a 10 week old and presumably a toddler or two? I don't think you are being fair to your children. They need to learn to be around other children (particularly if they are struggling to do this without hitting them), and they need and have a right to an education. I'm not anti home education per se, but your version seems like a slightly cowardly retreat from the big bad world rather than a positive choice. Who cares what people think? If your DD can start in September, put the older kids back on the waiting list now. You'll all be grateful once you've found your feet again.

I am not going to fall any side of any fence here but I would like to make a few points:

1. the concept of public compulsory education is a relatively modern concept
2. not all home educators are bonkers/some even do a VERY good job at educating their children for a variety of excellent motives
3. yes, the OP has poor grammar (inappropriate use of "of")), but so do many, many public school teachers - the OP may have other relevant skills
4. compared with other countries, the UK starts education very young - perhaps deferral is an option here?
5. OP - please don't let embarrassment should deter you from re-integrating your older children back into school. You made your original decision in their best interests and that is reason enough. There may come a time when they are ready. Starting a conversation with local H/Ts now will help pave the way.

I am not against Home Education but I do think that the law needs to be tightened up with regular checks to see that they are getting an education. It really doesn't matter how they are educated - autonomous is fine but that is harder work for the adult than traditional teaching- but an education. OP has removed them and that is it. The baby's needs come first, followed by the younger ones- it leaves no time for the older ones by the time you have factored in the shopping, washing, cooking etc.
Lots of people might like to HE but they are not all suited.
This is 5 children with different needs, including a very young baby.
A mother who has difficulty with organisation and structure.
No family around to help.
A husband who works away.
Reliant, at the moment, on public transport.
No local HE groups.
Common sense ought to kick in.

A sensible post LowClouds- especially point 5.

TamerB - I'm all for integration rather than alienation…

The thing OP desperately needs is a support network. Even if she gets the driving sorted she is going to need to share lifts by the time the older ones want to go to activities like cubs, dancing classes etc and the younger ones are in bed. She surely doesn't want to take 5 children with her to the dentist? If there was a huge, or moderately large, HE community locally it would be different. She is going to be pulled 5 different ways, some help is needed!

In fact if there were groups that she could get to easily and often it would be different- she could cater for the differing needs. I don't see how one person can do it without being permanently exhausted.

i wouldnt of minded all the school crap, i could of got over that

I should never of started this thread

No child should be taught English by someone who could allow themselves to say this, whatever the circumstances.

She has no intention of teaching English! They will pick it up themselves, later, if they feel the need for an exam. ( stated early on)

omg I've got half way through this thread and can't believe how people's attitudes to home education are. Do they net realise that children are sponges and learn from everything. the difference between home ed and school is they get a more personalised education what would be a hour session to teach 30 children can take 20 mins with just one, so that's why home ed children who have some sort of lessons only study for 2 hrs a day and they have more fun doing so. they grow into teenagers who want to learn and know how to teach themselves as opposed to teenagers who are stitched off and couldn't careless.

Cerisier I thought the very same thing right from the second post.

And as someone else said, yes children are like sponges. Which is why you'd better hope home Edders are not teaching them all the wrong things.

This thread has been a real eye opener for me.

I've never really met anyone in real life who has been so bloody rude about HE.

I get all the comments about "you only teach them for 2 1/2hrs. Shouldn't you teach them 9am-3pm like in schools?" "Is that legal" "What about socialisation" etc etc but mostly these come from people who have no idea about HE and are genuinely interested.

No-one has been as rude to me in real life as people have been to the op on this thread.

Anyway posy hope my first post helped a little. I hope you have a better day today.

Do any of you HE 5 children?

I had three very close together are I know there is no way on earth I could have provided a reasonable education fir the eldest while looking after the other two.

Yes children learn through play and by testing hypotheses - but they also need to be guided towards the correct answer by a teacher. They need to do the hard work of learning tables etc

I've friends who HE very successfully but this situation seems to fly in the face of common sense.

yes-i-can-write.blogspot.ca

Some of you lot would benefit from reading this...

Have fun op, and best wishes on your unschooling journey.

I completely agree with everything TamerB said.

Apart from this bit:
*
She has no intention of teaching English! They will pick it up themselves, later, if they feel the need for an exam.*

I disagree that they will 'pick up' literacy to a sufficient level without some form of formal teaching.

I have nothing whatever against HE, if that is what they are getting. It has been an eye opener to me that you can remove your children from school and are allowed to do nothing with them, call it 'autonomous learning/education' what you will, and the LEA can't even check on it.

I find the blog very difficult to read, it needs a lot of editing.
I fail to see how you can 'unschool' someone who has never been.
Home Education makes sense as a term, 'unschooled' does not.

I agree that while the children are so young it isn't doing much damage, there is a lot to be said for starting school a bit later.