Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

My children have learnt to read with no formal teaching. The same with. Maths. Children are generally quite sponge like- there are other options than sitting down and spoon feeding them information!
HE is not a soft option, no. It simply requires one to engage with our children and enjoy learning with them.

Sorry, but with 5DCs, you are going to have to have some sort of timetable, becuase otherwise, the higher needs, younger DCs will take all your time and energy. Sadly, your older DCs will not just teach themselves, they will need some guidance from you (even if it isn't formal class style teaching) you need to plan and do stuff with them, have a timetable for when you will do it when they can get your full attention when they younger ones won't - do your younger DCs have long nap times you can give your older ones full attention? Can you plan and prep each evening for your following day's activities?

I'm impressed you are trying it, but you can't just leave your older DCs to fend for themselves, as others have said, school isn't just about the stuff they learn, but the social side, they will need to get that from other HE children.

If you were thinking of returning to the school system, start with calling the school and seeing if they have places available, then the council. If you don't think that school was suiting your DCs, have you looked at other options in your area? Is private education an option?

antiabz. Unfortunately, that is indeed what passes for Home Ed in this country. No lesson planning or lessons necessary.

And if I read the Home Ed board correctly. There is hardly anyone on there that does "education" for more than 2 hours per day.

I too would ask for this to be moved to home ed. Lots of unschoolers and autonomous home educators over there who will be able to advise.

I understand it can work in some cases...but seriously not even a vague idea of what their peers are doing/ should know by what stage?

Where do these kids get jobs? the last time I looked the job market is very competitive and every application I've ever filled out asked for exam results... can't imagine landing a top (or any) job with no qualifications at all?

I think you would be better off in the HE section if you want people to tell you that your plan is perfectly reasonable -you can have outings and fun and when (or if) they feel ready they can get it all together and all doors will open to them for further education.
However while you don't need formal lesson plans you do need a plan- you are supposed to be providing an education and not just keeping them off school. Autonomous education is actually much harder on the parent than a curriculum. You can educate at home, you can't 'unschool'-they have barely been!
One person can't keep all the plates in the air that you want to keep up there! Your older children have different needs to a small baby and at the same time normal life has to go on.
I can see that you have read the books and love the theory, but to be fair to your children, they need more than that.

It is the very reason why it should be regulated and the LEA should do checks IMO.
By law they have to have an education, this does not have to be at school, BUT autonomous does not mean they do as they like.

Perhaps it would be advisable to educate yourself about the various, successful forms of HE, before judging without knowledge
HE kids do take exams. Others don't and succeed in self employment, etc.
It doesn't have a bad reputation. It just has a lot of ignorance surrounding it, misconceptions and assumptions.
OP- please do post this thread in the HE board.

"You can educate at home, you can't 'unschool'-they have barely been!"

I think you mean 'deschooling' there, Tamer.

Unschooling is a term often used to mean autonomous style education, or radical unschoolers.

I wasnt (sic) ever planning on doing lessons or anything really,unless they want to or they need to when they are older if they decide to take exams

So, they get a bit older and suddenly say "Hey mum, I think I'd like to learn to read and write now"?

I wonder whether OP is teasing?

how do i ask tog et this moved?

Yourlittlesecret: snap!!

Perhaps just start a new thread in there, OP.

Sorry i just assumed there would be a mix of people on here who know what im on about but most dont seem to have a clue!

It is hard to work out what you want, though, apocketfulofposy. What you describe sounds like chaos or the totally disorganised kind. Even 500 years ago, I don't think children would have been left to disorganised play all the way through to adulthood, so you must have some kind of plan, surely?

You can ask for a thread to be moved by reporting your opening post to HQ (there's a report link to the RHS of every post).

You can start a new thread in the HE section here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/home_ed

I admire many of the HE'ers enormously (my friend included). I do get the impression from this thread that you are not sufficiently interested in your DCs' learning for this to necessarily be the right answer for you.

Some children quickly learn to read I agree. Others don't. I think some children learn stuff no matter really what you do and what kind of education they have. Others need much more support to learn even the basics.

Never mind op, I thought you were asking for opinions on whether or not you should be sending your kids back to school or not, based on your unique situation.

Good luck to them though.

It's a bit sad if it is true that more than a few parents are not actually keeping their children at least on par with those in school. But I suppose you could put a positive slant on it. Less competition for everyone else in the job market

Some children quickly learn to read I agree. Others don't. I think some children learn stuff no matter really what you do and what kind of education they have. Others need much more support to learn even the basics.

We have this with DS1 and DS2. DS1 really struggled with reading and has only just 'clicked' at 6.2 years. DS2 is not yet 4, but has to be gently distracted when DS1 is doing his homework, or else DS2 tells him the answers. DS2 just seems to absorb learning like a sponge, whereas DS1 seems to repel it like water off a duck!

OP - there's nothing wrong with wanting to HE, but you need to be 100% certain you can do it, if you have the family set up, the time (esp given you have a 10 week old!) and the sort of DCs who'll thrive in a HE setting.

It does seem your complaints with your DCs school education seemed like problems with that school and your DCs behaviour in it, both of which can be changed if you want to do that, it's not a choice between home ed and that particular school, if it's not working for all of your DCs then theres' nothing wrong with looking at other schools for your oldest DCs, or to look at HEing again in another year or two's time when they move out of key stage 1 and more importantly, you don't have a new baby taking your time and energy!

There is nothing wrong with admitting you find it easier to "just" deal with the mess and activities for the 3 preschoolers with the two oldest elsewhere 5 days a week. There's nothing wrong with admitting to you are the sort of person who works best if there's a forced structure to the day - I know when DC2 was only 10weeks, on the days DC1 was at pre-school, we could all be fed, dressed and out the house by 8:05am, on the days DC1 didn't have to be out for a set time, we struggled to be all dressed and ready to go anywhere before 10am. I thrive on routine and structure, with 5DCs, I am very impressed if you can arrange your life in a non-regimented way! (breakfast alone must be like a military operation!)

Be kind to yourself, if you don't think it's working for all your family to HE the eldest, then look at other options. If you want to keep at it, try to plan a structure, even if not 'lessons' - a structure and a rough plan might help you feel a little more in control.

DS1 is much more emotionally intelligent that DS2, though, and better at drawing and singing.

I am shocked at this thread. I don't see how this can be a good start in life for the 5 children and am amazed a parent can be allowed to do this.