Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

No, I've remembered wrong. Simon Webb was the one who was total bessies with Graham Badman, and Badman got the impression from Simon that his ideas were going to go down a storm with the HE community. And a storm indeed ensued, heh.

It was really interesting, though - I think Simon was trying to reconcile and navigate between the two points of view during that period. Someone will correct me if I've still remembered wrong. 5 years is a long time ago!

Interesting, ommmm. I'm always fascinated that people swallow these statistics without wondering what the LA constituted as 'an education', and exactly what the kids in the quoted percentages were doing, what was their view on where they had been placed. I'm glad Tania drove a campaign to look at that in more depth and question the findings. Not to disagree, but to give appropriate context.

And wondering whether 92% of state educated children were receiving an appropriate education... (In the views of their parents, as well as the LA....)

In controversial subjects, especially when I don't know that much about them, I like to read both sides. That doesn't mean I need to agree with everything said on that blog, but I think it is useful to read "the other side".

He quotes some mumsnet threads about HE and getting into university, and says that the impression being given by some on threads, are factually wrong.

The problem is that the odd ones does spectacularly well and it gives the impression that all can. I know one who did nothing much and then activated himself and got into Cambridge. He was exceptional and most children are average, it doesn't matter how hard they work-Cambridge is not for the average. He had 2 sisters and they did nothing, and never activated themselves.
I am awaiting with interest another 17yr old HEed girl whose mother thinks she can walk into university on the strength of a portfolio.

I had completely forgotten about Simon Webb. I just remember him making lots of people really angry (and I don't really remember why! - I wasn't really engaged with it apart from eye rolling a bit when the spats started up on here and elsewhere)

Tamer

Have you hung around much in any HE circles? I ask because the whole defend the adults at all costs stick to a code is really not my experience, I personally find a lot of bickering and petty nastiness and god help you if your fairly high profile because the rest of the high profile ones waste no time at all in piling on you if you plug a different way to their own way.

There are of course a huge amount of supportive groups and people but scratch beneath the surface and you find a hardcore few full of unpleasantness and what some people would describe as bullying,exactly the same as you get in every other comunity.

Most HE do so because they feel they can provide a better education than the school system for what ever reason.

Some because they disapprove of formal schooling

Many because of their child struggling or being bullied.

But yes you do get a few who fall out with every school teacher they come into contact with (and normally every other person they meet) because they are not very nice people.

Of course some people who HE are shit at it and you get some who dress up a CME as HE but IME those get dropped in it by way of anon referral to the LA and SS(cs) quite often,I have personally found the HE comunity as a general rule to be very concerned about CME being passed off as HE.

And just the same as schools you get great good ok and fucking dreadful

I don't think anyone thinks they can get into university without qualifications, do they?

But it's perfectly possible for autonomously HEed people to decide at 14 or 16 or so that they'd like to go to university, yomp their way through the necessary qualifications (at home, in school, in college, through OU, whatever) and get themselves into university. I think THAT is what people like julienoshoes were talking about, and Simon Webb then got into a huge fizz thinking she'd said that teenagers can get into university without any qualifications at all, and how that was a really dangerous thing to have said. Which it would have been, had she said it...

yada yada I'm even boring myself!

On this thread it was said you can get into University without formal qualifications if you are HE.

HE threads always make out they can do absolutely nothing, play computer games all day and then when they feel like it apply themselves and the world is their oyster! They don't have to go down the same boring lines as anyone one else, they just wow people with their personality and portfolio! It is dangerous because people believe it -OP clearly does-and it won't work like that for the majority.
I know one HEed girl who has decided it won't work and gone to school to take A'levels and the normal route. She found it too important to leave to chance that it might work the alternative way.

You are not going to be able to study medicine on a portfolio.

I don't think anyone thinks they can get into university without qualifications, do they

I did, granted it was quite a few years ago and I had several conditions placed on my place on the course being kept available to me (those being attendance levels and not being allowed to receive marks below a high level as well as compulsory student support due to a disability and a few others) but I was accepted onto a postgraduate course at a respected uni and completed it then did the next qualification and the next.

My son got in with exam results and a portfolio. We wouldn't have had a clue what to put in on our own. The school lent him the portfolio and gave advice on what to include and how to present it. I don't have any artistic talent and neither does my husband-it was school who spotted it and nurtured it (I wouldn't have had a clue how to) . He now has a career using it-he would never done it through HE.

My SN DC not only got the specialist help at school he got extra time for exams. This was all for free, I would imagine that if you wanted to do that alone you would have to pay for private assessments.

I also personally know young teenagers (a 14yo and a nearly 14 yo) who are currently taking OU courses not quite sure how it works but its a degree level course that on completion of a few transfers into a degree,or something like that.

Tamer. I'd tend to agree with you that it's extrapolating from a few and worryingly saying u can suddenly pick it up. Can I ask how u are in contact with so many home ed students - are u a teacher too?

I think what is possible gor a home ed child from from a well resourced, well educated family who have had lots of travel and experiences and music lessons and sport and theatre and work experience to pick up when they decide to at 14 is very different from many families.

I'm currently teaching adult Ed (not to home edders but to those with low qualifications) and they are desperate for gcses so they can get on. They've realised in their position they need them. And it's hard. Very hard for them. I wouldn't want my children to fall through the gaps - be that schooling or home ed.

There's a mumsnetter on here who was home educated and doesnt recommend it isnt there? I remember reading jet comments when i was weighing it up.

Well, he might, tamer. You don't know. Most parents who are HE support their children in following opportunities and subjects that they are not themselves keen on/ expert at, by facilitating through exterior sources/ friends, community etc.

My kids are all turning out to be alarmingly sciencey. I could facilitate that without being a science geek. And would.

For every child with sn that is well supported in school, there is )at least one) that isn't. If a child is receiving good support, that is worth it's weight in gold, whether it occurs in or out of school.

Sometimes we have to count our blessings whilst appreciating that life isn't like that for other people.

Ive taken ou courses and they're fab. I really recommend them to people not going onto uni and intend to teach on an intro course myself.

I can't see why it would be preferable for a 14 year old than learning alongside others in a class situation. I think I'd want to leave ou until 18.

Really pleased about your son, btw. Glad he has found a niche that suits.

We are having a mixed bag with dd2. Yr R was fantastic - fully statemented and received top notch support.

These days, not so much.

I have to say I've found this thread really interesting, and very informative. I can certainly see the benefits of HE (and I'm an ex teacher) think it would have suited my dd, she's an adult now, not sure at the moment if it would be best for DS (5) but thought provoking all the same.

Fwiw.

I'm an adult,I'm also a mumsnetter I was HE as a child and whilst I will shout from the roof tops about how it can be brilliant for some children and will attempt to challenge some of the misconceptions about it,I personally do not like it and rarely recommend it.

Needs - why, in summary, is that? If you don't mind saying. I'm always curious to hear from those who were he as a child (or from large families or any "different" experiwnce in fact. People are fascinating.)

I'd love to know more about what the experience was like for you.

No-not a teacher but I work with children on a volunteer basis.I am retired and so discounted, very rudely,by OP as 'pearl clutching'! I was out most of today, in the middle of nowhere doing practical things in wellies with a coach load of 10/11 yr olds. Not the sort of thing HEers like to think goes on in state education! We did it at their level, there were no babies to be fed, no toddlers getting bored and cold. We all had a great time. I did similar last week with 6/7 yr olds and it was pitched at their level-we were not having to cater for them together.

I have a extended family member who HEed and through her know of a lot of families. Her DCs went into the 6th form and on to university, but they got the qualifications first. They didn't risk thinking they were not necessary. She certainly has some very odd parents in groups that she joined!

There was a MNetter who was HEed but she was never listened to-her message was not liked! Her children went to school.

Sounds like you do a fab job! I've often floated on the edge of HE circles and yes there's some interesting types!

I think once home edders have made their choice is tempting to fall into a confirmation bias cycle and see school as all bad and not see the positives. I've been blown away at what my , fairly ordinary, infant school has done for my daughter and I wasnt 100% sure about sending to school at the time!

(And apologies for typos and "u" instead of you. Can't get used to way this phone works.!)

My kids are all turning out to be alarmingly sciencey. I could facilitate that without being a science geek. And would.

I couldn't possibly. One of my DCs did chemistry-I don't even have it at O'level. I wouldn't have a clue, don't even want to have a clue -which is why I dropped it before exams. Luckily he had a teacher who was passionate about it -not to mention the labs and equipment.
The mind boggles at how I could HE over a larger than normal age range, one artist, one scientist and a SNs child and do it better than trained teachers with degrees in the subjects! Even simple things become difficult-do I drag the artistic one to science fairs etc where he is bored stiff, make the scientist visit art galleries?

Different adults get different things out of children. One of my DCs had wonderful, imaginative stories-he wouldn't have written them for me-he wouldn't have written at all!