Baby & 10 year old sharing a room?

[1sttimeboveymum]

I’m pregnant with a daughter who is due in November and currently live in a 2 bed house with my partner.

He has a 10 year old son who stays with us over the holidays and every other weekend.

We aren’t in a position to move to a larger house and the baby will be sleeping in our room for atleast the first 6 months.

My question is do you think it’s okay for them to share further down the line/ for 3-5 more years as he isn’t living with us all the time? He doesn’t seem fussed about sharing a room and the room is very large so we could potentially put a false wall up or divider if necessary?

15 year old boy with a toddler? No, OP.

No you can't expect him to share with his baby/ toddler sibling.

Where did the 15 year old come from?

OP if it's only for 6 months I think it's fine. When dd1 was 3 I was pregnant with dd2 and dd1 had to move into DSD's (12 at the time) bedroom for a year until we were able to move to to a bigger house. It was fine.

Absolutely not no. Safety and privacy concerns if nothing else, a 15 year old boy and a 4 year old girl? Can you not think of something a 15 year old boy would be doing a lot of in his bedroom that you wouldn’t want a 4 year old present for? Even aside from the obvious, getting dressed in the morning, changing clothes, coming back after a shower…

A 6 month old baby can’t even really share a room with a 10/11 year old (or anyone) without potentially completely ruining the older childs sleep. At 6 months old you’ve still got easily 1/2 years of you being in and out the room a few times a night to soothe/settle, his son needs more privacy and peace to sleep than that

You need to re read the post. Son is 10 now and OP is talking about them sharing for the next 3-5 years, at which point son will be 14/15.

OP has never said it’s only for 6 months, she’s said the baby will be in with them (mum and dad) for the first 6 months, then she wants them to share a room for the next 3-5 years.

Absolutely not no. The 10yo deserves his own room. This should’ve been one of your first considerations to be honest.

No way.

I would divide the room before baby goes into their own room.

The potential for abuse is huge, whilst we'd all rather skirt around the issue and say it wouldn't happen in our family it happens in some and they didn't expect it either. I'd find another solution.

I think for the next year or two it would be ok - not ideal but could work. Beyond that, I think your DSS will need a space of his own and it’s not ideal to share with a young sibling who has completely different needs.

Strange. My brother managed to sleep, get washed and dressed in the bathroom and suchlike without ever feeling a need to expose himself or sexually abuse me. I don't think he was a particularly rare outlier in male behaviour.

Absolutely not. If the older child had been a girl yes, but not if it's a boy.

Don't anyone ask me why, because I'm not going to answer.

As someone who was abused in this EXACT situation, please don't.

I was 4 and she was 13 and a half sibling. We shared a room.

Please don't.

I was abused at 4yo by a female teenage half sibling.

It's not for 6 month, the baby will be in with op for 6 months, then in with the currently 10yo for 3-5 years (by the end of which, they will be a 15yo boy & 5yo girl)

It’s not just about sexual abuse, it’s about a teenage boy needing privacy for certain activities and also to be frank lots of boys (especially at that age) wake up with a rather obvious visual issue. Not only would it be uncomfortable and awkward for a young girl to see that but it would be extremely awkward and uncomfortable for a teenage boy to have to try and hide that in his own bedroom! You’re extremely naive or just ignorant to think there’s absolutely no risk involved or anything to worry about in this situation

I think I would make a room that’s suitable for 2 but would expect my youngest to come into my room until they were 5 on the weekends that the big bro was coming- unless you get one of the amazing toddlers/preschoolers that actually sleeps through the night.
id have a roll up bed type thing for those nights

I’d keep her in your room for as long as possible. I can imagine it would be really difficult for them to share, surely they’ll have different bed times, your DD may be up and down a lot in the night waking him up etc.

What if the boy asked to come less often rather than have to share?

There's a bathroom for that. I didn't see anything untoward from my brother from the age of 1 to 13 when he left home aged 23.

Completely unfair to the older child.

Either turn the room into two separate spaces, or give your daughter the bedroom for most of the time, and then she comes and sleeps in your room and her brother gets the room when he visits.

Absolutely not. First 6 months, no issue as she’s in your room. Then for the next 3 years ish you could decorate the room neutrally though with a cot + single bed and DD could use it on nights when he’s at his mum’s then go into the travel cot in your room when he’s with you. If you’re still in the house then I would look at splitting the room permanently.

I didn’t get beaten up or raped walking home alone from my last night out, that doesn’t mean nobody does or that there’s no risk of that ever happening to anybody else again does it?

Doesn't mean that all 10 year old boys are inherently latent paedophiles with a special interest in their kid sister either. Which is what these threads all end up saying within about 3 posts.

Not really fair to the older child. Maybe for a year while he’s still young but it’s not ideal. However you’ve got to do what you can do with the circumstances you’re in. Was this not thought about before baby was conceived?