Baby & 10 year old sharing a room?

[1sttimeboveymum]

I’m pregnant with a daughter who is due in November and currently live in a 2 bed house with my partner.

He has a 10 year old son who stays with us over the holidays and every other weekend.

We aren’t in a position to move to a larger house and the baby will be sleeping in our room for atleast the first 6 months.

My question is do you think it’s okay for them to share further down the line/ for 3-5 more years as he isn’t living with us all the time? He doesn’t seem fussed about sharing a room and the room is very large so we could potentially put a false wall up or divider if necessary?

The issue isn't just about the risk of abuse. It's just not fair on either sibling is it? Both have different needs, different bedtimes and different needs for privacy.

Is it worth the risk?

My big sister doted on me and my parents didn't suspect a thing. They still don't know what happened and I'm the bad guy for cutting off my sister 'for no reason'

My best friend was also a victim of sibling abuse.

She spoke up about it when she was 16 and was told by the police it's way more common that you would imagine.

I think you should make a false wall before baby has to go in the room. Not fair on either to share.

Also her abuse was with a sibling only 2 years older than her. He wasn't a paedophile, he was a child himself. It's curiosity and hormones alot of the time. Plus opportunities.

It isn’t fair on the boy he has no idea of what it will involve. He is just in the cusp of puberty, how is he going to do homework watch tv or play a game if there is a baby in his room. As they get older there is just an increase of issues.

what is his father’s plan having a second child without the means to accomplish them?

Gosh no, this is completely unworkable as pp have said. You maybe have a year tops, but need another plan.

Kids around puberty need privacy, and small kids won't sleep though the night, toilet training, all that stuff. It seems a bit incompatible. But if you've no space, I guess you could ask the lad if he'd be more comfortable sleeping on the couch, but that would mean that room would be out of bounds when he wants sleep/privacy.
You can get privacy screens to split the room in two which might help a bit.
I'd say it's not ideal, but it's not your fault if your house isn't big enough and you can't afford to move.

No.
Divide the larger bedroom for the kids, or if that's not possible then you share with your daughter and your OH shares with his son.

Is the room over 4 metres wide? A room of 3.5m by 4.5m (approx) could be divided into two minimum sized single rooms making sure both children have their own space. Alternatively if your bedroom is the bigger one then it would better to split it for the children.

Sharing with a baby/toddler isn't fair on the older child and he still needs to have his own space at his dad's, especially with a new baby. Letting him get involved with the new room and inventive storage for small spaces will help him feel more included rather than excluded.

Old child no longer has a room in Dad's house because Dad has a new child, but they can sleep on the sofa.

No one's fault the house isn't big enough for two children so only the new child can have the very large room.

SMH

Did you not think through the practicalities before getting pregnant, or did the desire for a brand new baby over rule common sense? I feel very sorry for your DSS.

All that would do is send the message “we have a new baby now so we don’t have a place for you”

the 10 year old son needs his own space.

People are saying there IS A RISK and there’s also a privacy issue. That’s a fact. There IS a risk. You can even see another brave poster has said they were abused in this situation. You are extremely ignorant to think just because it didn’t happen to you that it hasn’t happened to anyone.

@Sirzy yeah, it's difficult. They both need it really don't they.

I would put in room-divider bunk beds like this in by the time the little one is four or so.
Until then I would just bring the little one into your bedroom on a mini camp bed whenever the older one is staying

No, it's not fair on either child.

I would recommend you and your daughter share a room and your partner and their son share a room when he is over.

I have a 17yo and 13yo(male) both sharing a room. They use a bathroom for anything privacy related. Just like anyone else. Not rocket science. I agree @NeverDropYoyrMooncup

An unrelated older male child sharing a room with a female infant? I don't mean this horribly OP but use your head. How do you think all the child on child abuse cases happen? I've seen that situation quite a lot as a teacher. Don't do it.

Have you actually read the op? It’s not just for 6 months, it’s to be for 3-5 years, so in 5 years time the now 10 year old will be 15.

And no it’s not going to be fair on either child. Why do people have children they can’t house appropriately🤦🏼‍♀️

Depends how well the baby sleeps, if it was my youngest it would have been really unfair to make a 10 year old share a room with her! Then the older one needs privacy- you should at least have some sort of room divider.

If the baby/toddler came in with you when half brother is there, it could work.

Exactly this. No WAY would I allow an unrelated older boy to be sharing a bedroom with a little girl. Terrible idea.

Are brothers not considered relatives in your family?

This seems to be the only sensible solution TBH.

We’re thinking of getting a false wall put up later down the line, and eventually moving to a larger house but that will all take time so I was just wondering how best to deal with it in the short term