Baby & 10 year old sharing a room?

[1sttimeboveymum]

I’m pregnant with a daughter who is due in November and currently live in a 2 bed house with my partner.

He has a 10 year old son who stays with us over the holidays and every other weekend.

We aren’t in a position to move to a larger house and the baby will be sleeping in our room for atleast the first 6 months.

My question is do you think it’s okay for them to share further down the line/ for 3-5 more years as he isn’t living with us all the time? He doesn’t seem fussed about sharing a room and the room is very large so we could potentially put a false wall up or divider if necessary?

A false wall won't cut it. It's not sound proof and your DSS will feel like he's sharing a bedroom with a toddler. He deserves his own room at that age (or at least, sharing with similar aged siblings). I think the baby should share your bedroom until you move house.

We’d be looking at fully dividing the room with a false wall.

Most likely he won’t be having friends round as he lives 3hrs from us and doesn’t have friends where we live due to not having him very often. He can play games downstairs in the lounge as we don’t have screens upstairs, obviously bed time will be different so that’s why we were thinking of putting the wall up

Of course not. Why are the step children always cast aside for the new baby. Not fair for either of them.

Not casting him aside at all. Just trying to come up with a solution now that our financial circumstances have changed. We thought a false wall would work

Can you convert the loft into a third bedroom?

I don't think he will see it that way. My suggestion is the baby sleeps in your room for the first year and then you move or else you sleep out in the living room when he is there. Perhaps think about how you'd feel in that situation if it were you or your child and that should give you the answer you're looking for

You need to divide the room.

They weren't raised together, so it amounts to the same thing in terms of additional danger of abuse happening. But not just abuse, do you want a tween boy in charge of conversation/ what gets seen on devices etc whilst you are in the other room at night?

The way it works is divide the room into two like you suggest, with separate doors. Or as others have said, your daughter sleeps with you when your stepson is staying.

I meant he might want to come less. But if the poor kid already has to share at his mum’s, the false wall should at least be an improvement on that.

I think the false wall would be a good idea to put you on until you’re in a position to get a house with an extra bedroom. Families and siblings share, yeh it’s not ideal as everyone needs their own space but sometimes it just can’t happen.

Okay great we’ll look into both options.

We don’t allow screens upstairs so the 2nd point is irrelevant for us

Hardly a poor kid, thousands of siblings share, I did when I was young and nothing bad happened to me as did most of my friends. No one’s fault mortgage rates have skyrocketed.

he loves staying with us at weekends and I think that’s largely because he is only ever in his room to sleep, the rest of the time he’s out with us or in the lounge with us playing games or watching films

Absolutely not

thousands of siblings share. I did when I was young and nothing bad happened

Full siblings of the same sex who grew up with each other, not the occasional opposite sex guest with a 10 year age difference. I imagine an 11 year old in a room with a baby that wakes him up through the night is not going to be overjoyed at sharing a room with a baby.

Could baby stay with you for the 2 years until you've saved to move?

We did this, we lived with my mum so only had 1 room when she was born, then could only afford a studio flat. So for the first 2.5years she was with us. You could look to partially partitioning your room with a screen to give some privacy.

She settled very well into her own room once we moved to a 2 bed as she was old enough to choose her bedding/curtains etc.

We also partitioned dds bedroom with an ikea kallax unit. It worked in giving their own space but wasn't perfect. Dd2 would pull out the cubes and wind up dd1....

thousands of siblings share. I did when I was young and nothing bad happened
Do you know any siblings comparable to your situation though: Opposite sex, 10+ year age gap, half siblings with the eldest only there EOW? You really can’t compare to the typical bedroom arrangements for same sex full siblings with your typical 2-3 years age difference. I hadn’t even considered any potential for abuse but was thinking more that it’s going to disrupt sleep for both as they’ll be on totally different sleep schedules and a preteen eventually teenage boy needs privacy for any ahem morning situations that may arise.

If we swapped our room with the other larger room I reckon we could split it with a more casual divider for us and the baby and then move my partner’s office to my stepson’s room.

That sounds like a really good idea, then he’ll have his own space and we won’t be crammed into our room with a baby as that room is huge so big enough to have a divider between us and baby if necessary but us sharing with a baby isn’t really an issue as we’ll be waking up with her anyway.

Thanks for your input!

If he lives 3hrs away, he's much less likely to be coming as often in a few years' time? Kids I know who split their time between parents have tended to start to default more to the parent who most easily facilities weekend activities (sport, drama etc) and friendships once they are old enough to have a say.
I can't see a 14yo wanting to spend EOW travelling 3hrs to be away from friends and missing out.

So life might actually look quite different before this is a room.sharing problem (baby can come into your room when the other child is there until age 3/4, easily).

I'm glad to have helped! Good luck 😊

We just want him to always feel welcome at ours as his mum lives in a remote part of cornwall so transport connections to meet friends and that are tough and then we live in Devon but obviously quite a distance from his friends.

that’s why we didn’t originally think it would be much of an issue as realistically he may not visit us over the holidays in a couple of years and then him sleeping on the sofa bed would work if we were in the same position. I think for now we’ll look at putting the office and him in 1 room and us and baby in the larger room with the intention to add a soft division once she’s a bit older and then hopefully move by the time she starts school to somewhere where they both get their own space

That sounds like a good solution op

That sounds like a really good way to do it.

I would if the older child was a girl, I have 2 girls one who is 9 one who is 15 months and she wants to share with her baby sister, but not for a boy, no.

sorry to bring this up but as other people say it’s a huge risk for abuse, I’m not saying at all that’s what’s going to happen but it’s not right for them to be sharing a room and you just never know so why risk it.

my older 2 are 9 and 7, 7 year old is a boy and they are still sharing but we are now giving them their own rooms And they are full siblings.

You have a separate home office to play with here?

In that case, surely the better solution is that the big room becomes home office + stepson's room and current home office becomes your baby's room?

Or if that is unsuitable the other way round?

Or you put a desk into your bedroom?

No we only have a 2 bedroom house. We have now made one room into my partner’s home office and stepson’s room, and the other room is ours and the baby’s.

looking at selling our house this year and moving to a cheaper area so we can buy a 3 bed