Should I contribute more towards an expensive holiday with DP?

[Trillybee]

For the last year I’ve eared a lot more than DP. Not double but easily 50%. We’ve been together a decade and live together but split everything 50:50, always have.

There’s a hotel I really want to go to but it’s £5,000 for a week half board with flights. DP takes home about £5k a month so he said £2,500 for a week is too much. I’m thinking of offering to pay £3,000 and he pays £2,000.

Yes of course you should! My husband earns over 50% more than I do, we pay everything 50/50 other than our holiday fund which he pays 50% more than I do. If it was a holiday I particularly wanted to go on and hubby wasn't too fussed then Id expect to pay more but hubby would probably not let me.

Yes definitely worth it as it will give you the holiday you want. It’s not that he’s being stingy, he genuinely can’t afford it.

I have been with people for a year or two who earned significantly less than me. I paid for our holidays if I wanted something expensive.

Now I earn significantly less than my partner so technically she pays for our holidays although since we bought a house together in reality all of our money just goes into one pot. We have been together for 11 years next month.

Yes. You should.

Absolutely. Depending on what hours I work I can often earn 50-100% more a month than my husband. I also work considerably more hours which predominantly funds the holidays/experiences I want for us and our children (including my step son). I often pay for the entire holiday and we split the day to day expenditure. We wouldn't be able to do it without the extra income and I wouldn't be able to work the hours I do without the support from him. If the roles were reversed, there would be a lot to being said about him not financially supporting his wife

I don’t understand the split by earnings. Why should the person who has worked hard to earn more, pay more, if the other person can afford their half? It’s different if there are children or the higher earner wants to live somewhere the lower earner can’t afford but otherwise how is it taking the piss if it’s split 50/50. It’s actually taking the piss if the split isn’t 50/50.

Now if you want something over the other persons budget but you still want it then pay the extra. 5k a month is more than enough to pay 2.5k for a holiday though unless you live somewhere really expensive

I think you should ask what his budget is and then you either go somewhere to match that, or you pay whatever the difference is if you want to upgrade. If he takes home 5k, even 2k for a weeks hotel when there's flights, food and activities on top would be a no from me.

If you want to live a lifestyle that matches your income and have him with you for your adventures, then you're going to need to either combine finances and do a "for richer for poorer" agreement that you just share whatever you both earn and enjoy life together OR get used to treating him. Otherwise he will end up like a friend I know who was 13k in debt on fancy holidays herpartner wanted to take. It was really stressful as he pushed her to join the holiday but she simply couldn't afford it and the debt came home to roost. Don't do that to him!

That is rather stingy of you. In your position I'd be paying all of his share as a one off treat.

OP did mention that she had out earned him this year, so maybe this is the first year she has earned more.

After 10 years together on those earnings surely you should be doing all household expenses and holiday on a 3:2 ratio. I don’t get why not.

Poor bloke on £90k a year....

People who earn more haven't necessarily 'worked harder' to get to a higher salary, as some jobs just happen to pay more and hard work doesn't always net big financial rewards.

Plus who's to say that someone who earns £5k should be spending £2.5k on a holiday. They could earn 10 x that amount and they could still reasonably consider that the holiday in question isn't worth that amount of money to them.

It's not 150% more

So half a months of his wages are the cost of a holiday

seems a bargain to me

but yes if you earn more be nice if you paid a little more

and same with household bills

I earn more than my partner and would pay for the whole difference if not foot the whole bill if it was a hotel I really wanted to stay at

If you enjoy his company and want a holiday with him then you pay for the holiday you want and can afford for both of you.

He can then choose and pay for a week he can afford for both of you.

My husband has a variable income, so we split things 50/50 but sometimes he gets a lump of cash. He just bungs it in the joint holiday fund or we use it for another big purchase. He doesn't ask me to match it. Your financial relationship sounds oddly unfair and tightfisted.

I think I am being a bit old fashioned here, but once we married, we just went "all in" and shared our incomes and our expenditure. In the early days, he earned more, by the later days, I was on double his salary. Nobody was a spendthrift (expensive hobbies etc.) and we have 5 kids. Inheritances, pensions and windfalls have just hit the family pot. This is all a bit irrelevant as OP and OH don't work like that, but yeah, I think OP has to pay more proportionately if they are splitting things according to income. I was surprised to find recently that while some / most of my friends went "all in" but some didn't and they have found a happy way forward, but yeah, never occurred to me that there would be another way really. Defo pay more if it is "your thing" and he would have gone cheaper. Surely that is fair? x

If this was the other way round people would be saying financial abuse. Yes you should be paying more , you earn more .

Absolutely you should pay more. I would say you set up a joint account to fund the ‘extra’ things like holidays or nice meals out and you keep putting in extra as you can afford it and then use it for stuff like this. Even if it just accumulates at least it will help for something big like a boiler blowing up and you don’t have to have the same discussion each time.

5k for a week for 2 ? Its costing just over a 1k more for 6 of us to go to egypt for a week staying in a 4* plus resort with swim up rooms .
If you want the extravagant holiday and earn more you should be definitely paying more .

What a strange relationship dynamic

I don't understand why u don't pay proportionally according to ur income? 5k a month and you nearly 10k- wow!

Also there should not be any comments re who pays more. Unless ur partner is choosing to work part time and spend extra 2 days playing golf etc, then the proportional contributions is fair.

Dd1 and her family were going on holiday with her pil. Her pil chose a very expensive resort which cost more than the £x they had budgeted for that holiday. It was agreed as pil really wanted to go there that the pil would pay the excess.