Should I contribute more towards an expensive holiday with DP?

[Trillybee]

For the last year I’ve eared a lot more than DP. Not double but easily 50%. We’ve been together a decade and live together but split everything 50:50, always have.

There’s a hotel I really want to go to but it’s £5,000 for a week half board with flights. DP takes home about £5k a month so he said £2,500 for a week is too much. I’m thinking of offering to pay £3,000 and he pays £2,000.

I earn way more than my husband does, the deal we have is i pay full for holiday and he brings spending money for us, thats what works for us. Its our money and it benefits the both of us
If i was you i would be paying in full- but thats just me

Personally I wouldn't be splitting my finances so rigidly with someone I'd lived with for 10 years. So if you want his company on holiday then pay whatever it takes to enable that. Provided he isn't drinking, gambling or generally taking the piss obviously. Otherwise take someone else that can pay exactly half if that's more important to you.

DP takes home about £5k a month so he said £2,500 for a week is too much

Does he mean it's too much so that he can't afford it or that he thinks it's too much for a week?

I'm forever baffled by 10-year relationships on MN that need to discuss the odd thousand here and there, when both are relatively higher earners

Agree you should be paying more anyway based on finances, but a key point here is that it sounds like you want this place OP and your partner isn't that bothered? 5000 is a hell of a lot for a week, I would absolutely say you should be covering extra - and more than you are suggesting - if it's your choice and you earn so much more - why should he subsidise this for you?

Yeah, pay the difference between what he wants to spend and what you do so he isn't penalised for your choices.

This. £5000 for a week's HB is a very expensive holiday. How much do you normally spend? The lower earner/person who wants to spend less sets the budget and if one of you wants to spend more, you have to pay the extra for both of you.

If it was him who wanted the spendy holiday, MN would say he should pay for it, whichever one of you earned more.

She's the one requesting the expensive hotel not him so yes she should offer to pay more not expect him to go into debt or use up his savings so she can go to the expensive hotel, or they go ons separate holidays which obviously doesn't make sense as a couple but neither does her question if they are a true couple that work together, grow together and spend together.

We're literally having a debate on mumsnet about her paying £500 more for an expensive hotel that she really wants when he earned 50% more than her DP.

All this after a 10 year relationship where they live together.

Yes you should. And then revisit the 50:50 situation because it's no longer fair.

Can’t help but think if this was a man posting this they’d be criticised! You have been together 10 years and should be sharing finances by now - sounds like you are getting a good deal!

I’ve never understood why long term couples don’t do this - the goal is to be making a life together, not getting one up on the other financially. There have been years for me and my husband where:

I’ve been a student on a £4K stipend, he’s been on £40k - we both had the same disposable income despite him earning 10 times more.

He’s been on long term sick and I out earned by a country mile - same disposable income.

I’ve been on mat leave x 2 - he obviously earned more - same disposable income.

I changed careers and gave up my higher earning status for a job that pays less but makes me happier and gives me more time and freedom - same disposable income.

And round and round it goes. All our money goes into one pot then gets divvied up to kids, mortgage, holidays, cars, joint household expenditure - literally doesn’t matter who is earning how much.

A win for him is a win for us and a win for me is a win for us.

It is, IMO, the fairest way to live and no resentment either way.

If it's you that wants the expensive holiday and only you can afford the extra cost you must pay that extra.

My wife, who earns 10x what I earn, wants to take 3 months off work for a massive trip. She will be funding it all (she gets paid while off work), whereas I may have to leave my job. If I can't find another job when we return I may have to become a kept man for a while.

I don’t get this - they ARE being criticised.

I know my husband cant afford the same as me. I am in a similar position. I earn around 75 and he earns around 45. My monthly outgoings are more as ai commute into London and he works for the family business and his transport is paid for. But I still out earn him. He wants to split bills etc 50/50 so we do that. He would hate me to pay more for a holiday, but I want to go to nice places. So I just tell him the cost is cheaper than it is, and charge him half that cheaper amount. Then I cover the rest. One day he is going to go away without me and will be shocked and the quality of hotel he actually gets for what he thinks we pay. But its worth it to get the holiday I want at a price he can afford. We have been married for 10 years and have a joint account that we pay into for bills etc but our spare money each month is ours. We dont pool all our money each month.

The holiday itself without all meals is more then the holiday length of your combined costs so I can see how he's concerned with affordability when regular expenses such as food, electric, fuel, etc are rising but that shouldn't stop you enjoying yourself if you feel it is affordable and have savings to use towards it

How long have you been with him for? I paid £3k for an all inclusive Caribbean holiday for me and my ex (Covid so good deals) and we broke up a few months later… I don’t really regret it as he was the person I wanted to be with at that time and he didn’t have a job so couldn’t have paid for it himself.

If you have been together 10 years, you earn more want fancier holidays then you should pay extra (unless he is wasteful in other ways with money)

You either need to pay more or stick to his budget. Either of those options is fine.

I don’t understand this kind of relationship, especially 10 years together. Of course you should pay more for an amazing holiday for you both, it sounds almost cruel not too.

Yes. Back in pur mid-20's, I earnt considerably more than my now husband. We combine finances now, but before we did, I always paid for our holidays and didn't begrudge doing so.

Do you want kids with this man?

Is this a reverse because it’s written very factually with a very obvious answer.

Is £5k for a week half board really that expensive? It's more than we would usually pay sure, but I've seen pretty run of the mill hotels on the costa del sol go for £3k in school hols

That's in the school holidays and presumably for a family.

We generally pay around £1500 for a week half board in a nice hotel in a nice area in June or September, with flights, and that's by no means the cheapest holiday available so for a couple, yes it is very expensive.

This

making the lower earning partner pay half is called abusive on here. When a man does it.

I make the same as your DP and I would never spend £2000 for a week of holiday. So maybe be prepared that even your offer to pay slightly more may not be enough.