Would my children miss out later if they do not learn skiing?

[Pip290]

I don’t particularly like skiing. I have an old back injury and even innocent falls can trigger significant pain. I don’t like the cold, either. Skiing is very expensive, and we could go to a tropical beach, which I love, or explore somewhere adventurous and new instead.
DH loves skiing and snowboarding and feels it’s really important that our DC learn. I imagine DC would enjoy it as they are little sporting adrenaline junkies. However, they also like water sports, which we do on hot holidays.

DH feels it’s important for them to learn because it will be socially important later on. Will it really? He had a very privileged upbringing. However, DC are now also asking why we don’t go skiing as their prep friends do.

I really worry about serious injuries. We know two people who have had skiing injuries that were life-altering, and I know of too many broken collarbones and legs to count. I can’t think of any other activity where this has been the case.

DH feels it’s important they learn young (and friends at a recent weekend away backed him up) as otherwise they will inevitably jet off at uni and do serious damage trying to keep up with friends.

Is skiing important to learn? I don’t want DC to be left out or at higher risk later on. I’ll admit to being somewhat risk-averse. I don’t like adrenaline at all!

Are my concerns about injury overblown? Would DC genuinely be missing out if they didn’t learn? Those of you who didn’t ski growing up, did you feel left out later on?

My DH skis to a good level. Goes every year. He's only ever injured himself playing hockey...
DS loves skiing. He and DH go without me. Could yours manage both your DC alone?

@Havanananana Yes, you are right: it's mainly a fear-driven post. Others have suggested other potentially dangerous activities, such as horse riding and scuba diving, which we could afford and which the DCs would enjoy, but we avoid those too. Although I'm still trying to work out how scuba diving is a life skill, as one poster suggested!
I did not have DH's more privileged childhood and am a lot more fearful. Was this nature, or is it because I never did anything like this? My parents sacrificed a lot to pay for music lessons, but all my other activities were low-cost and low-risk.

The social comment isn't about being looked down on (all of DH's friends and the other families who ski are lovely and understand why I don't), or about trying to keep up with the Joneses; it's about missing out on shared experiences and happy memories for the DCs, both with friends (family holidays, school trips, later university, and perhaps work) and with DH. It's something they would likely bond over. They are all very similar and enjoy an adrenaline rush; I never have.

I don't want to be the boring mum, but I do want my children to be safe, and I get very anxious. It's not entirely unfounded, as I've mentioned that we have friends who have suffered serious (in one case life threatening) injuries. To be fair, I also want my husband to be safe, and the comments about children racing off and older parents trying to keep up add a whole new dimension to my worries that I hadn't previously considered, as he would definitely want to keep up!

Perhaps that's part of what I'm trying to work out: how much of my fear is based on the actual risks, and how much stems from my own upbringing and lack of exposure to these sorts of activities. DH grew up seeing things like skiing as completely normal, whereas to me they still feel quite extreme. I'm genuinely not sure whether I would feel differently if I'd learned as a child myself.

skiing is not a daily or even yearly concern for the majority, I learned to ski (badly) simply because there was a dry ski slope near where I grew up.

it has had zero impact on my adult life. This is a decision that you will have to make

Not in my circle.
Let dh just take them with his friends for a week a year if money isn't an issue.

@Pip290 This does sound all about you! There will come a time when they might buy a motorbike! Skiing will seem like a walk in the park then! Why can you not let them do a controlled activity?scuba diving requires following instructions - of course it’s a skill.

I can ski, but I’m in a non-skiing family. We all dive and surf. And in fact, we’ve spent time having lovely tropical holidays where we do all sorts of watersports. The kids are now saying it would’ve been nice to have skied more but when we ask them if they regret having been to some wonderful places for these other things, they don’t wish they had been skiing instead.

bottom line, it’s a bit of a first world problem. And if we’re talking about where the flex lies, I reckon saying you’re an advanced PADI diver who has seen wrecks at 70 m in the Pacific has greater bragging rights than being able to navigate La Face at Val D’Isere ;)

I don't think I missed out not learning to ski (have never been). However, if your children are likely to be in social groups (and already are, it seems!!) where skiing is a big thing, if it were me I'd probably try and facilitate them learning the basics as children. IMO they're less likely to be injured in this scenario than learning on, say, a uni ski trip where they'll be trying to keep up with others.

It’s true. Think about the children’s frame. Bendy, low to the ground, bandy flexible legs. It’s just ideal for learning to ski.

As you get older you lose that and that’s why we have parallel skiing and carving and other techniques to actually allow an adult frame to ski successfully. But as you know you can’t just get there without learning basic skiing (snowplough) which the adult body is really not built to do.

You also need to really relaxed. Know the centre balance instinctively, relax your body into it. Have an instinct for how to ride out something crazy happening.

To put it into perspective I skied from 4 until 15. I then never picked up a pair of skis again until last year mid 30s. I did one 2 hour practice snow dome session and then went skiing. I fell over once. I got back 90% of my ski ability within a day.

DP has taken half day lessons every week for months! And he’s not got parallel comfortably secured. I really don’t want to add up how much that has cost but it’s probably around 6k if I factor in his lost earnings from missing work. He was wiping out hard on several occasions. I don’t think he will ever be able to ski like someone who learnt as a child. And he wants to!

He doesn’t resent his parents. I don’t resent them either. That’s just ridiculous. But it is a shame. That’s the only way to describe it. Skiing really is one of life’s pure joys. But I don’t think you can ever fully access that if you haven’t learnt as a child. And I am hoping I am wrong! 😅

I just saw one of your posts above where you say it’s about being fearful. The younger they are the better for learning. Plus, they’re all wearing helmets now. It is humiliating as an adult on the French slopes where you literally have 3 year-old French kids skiing without poles, zooming past you without a care in the world. I wouldn’t ski now like I skied then. Too worried about falling! They’ll love it

why not let your DH take the kids skiing and see how it goes?

for some people, it actually is an important part of social and family life.

Life skill! Scuba diving is not a life skill.

And to your fear…

Accidents happen. Skiing is dangerous. But every ski accident I have seen or know of has been caused by either recklessness or being hit by someone who can’t ski.

My sister lost half her front tooth as a child. From an adult skier out of control.

My friend broke ribs going off a cliff. That was recklessness.

A person died on the resort we went to last year the week before we arrived. That was because someone took a 16 year old who didn’t know how to ski and out of control flew into an 85yo local.

You could die crossing the road. Because the person cannot drive. You can crash your car, because you cannot drive. It’s the same thing. The safest solution is that every knows how to drive! And for skiing the safest way to learn that is as a child.

Same here. I have skied every year for most of my life with no real issue.

i had double knee surgery a couple of years ago after slipping on a tennis court. 🙄 Still play tennis though and still ski.

Millions of people ski every year. Yes there are some risks but the vast majority come home completely uninjured.

If there's the opportunity to go a few times a year, do it. If it's going to be a once every 5 years thing, if not less then I'd struggle to see the point to be honest.

I started scuba diving lessons but once I realised I'd be unlikely to even go annually (im a warm water diver) i stopped. I snorkel and have even had divers say that I'll see loads that way and not to bother scuba unless I'm at it frequently

I disagree about tennis - I had years of lessons as a child and I’m terrible at tennis, I just don’t have the hand eye coordination to make up a four and give a decent game! I can ski though 😂
doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give your kid tennis lessons but tennis is much more accessible and can easily be learnt as an adult in a way that skiing can’t.

DH feels it’s important they learn young (and friends at a recent weekend away backed him up) as otherwise they will inevitably jet off at uni and do serious damage trying to keep up with friends

I absolutely agree that this is a risk. I was a ski rep and there were often injuries in groups of 20 somethings as the less experienced ones didn’t want to have lessons and just tried to keep up with the experienced skiers.

I also agree that it is much, much harder to learn as an adult. You need the confidence of youth!

Basically, if you think your kids are likely to want to ski as an adult, you are doing them a massive favour if you teach them as kids. Of course they can learn later but it’s harder and you’re relying on them being sensible and getting lessons (expensive) rather than the “keep up” approach. If you think it’s less likely they will ever want to ski, then it’s less important they learn now.

Since you are in a fairly well off social group I suspect it is very likely your kids will want to ski at some point.

I know quite a few families where the mum doesn’t ski. Either dad takes the kids alone - sometimes with friends in the same position- or the mum comes along and enjoys a week of snowy walks and spa visits. (Or even working remotely in some cases). Would either work for you?

@Pip290 to your earlier question- yes, perhaps a week of ski school is a good introduction that allays your fears whilst still giving your DC a chance to learn. The ski school will take both safety and correct technique very seriously. Maybe head for Austria, where piste etiquette is taken seriously so behaviours are more rigorously policed. Or try Scandinavia- the mountains are less high and steep than the Alps so it's less exciting, but the snow will be perfect and there won't be crowds adding to your anxiety.

Yes, it is important socially. I can't afford taking my DC to learn and although it's not the end of the world, lots of their friends do and I wish I could help with that.

DD went on ski trips with her school (which wasn’t particularly posh). If you are worried about them learning “from scratch”, book them in for some ski lessons/holiday club at one of the indoor skizones (be it with fake snow or the astro stuff). There are also a few places that have “rolling slopes” where the instructor can stand beside you to guide you.

Can’t stand skiing, myself, and I have plenty of friends who send their (older) kids off with DH for a weekend/short break.

I would go on the holiday. If I'm trading two weeks together (and memories) of a family holiday in Thailand for one week skiing, I'm going. Even if I just read my book in the spa and join the others for meals in a catered chalet with friends, I'd still enjoy those elements of it . I could also try ski lessons, even if they were 1:1, so I don't irritate others with my slowness and anxiety and can do the ski equivalent of pottering with an instructor.

My worry is for the DCs. I would be less worried if I could see them and knew where they were. Even if I couldn't create the shared memories on the slopes (DH could do that), I wouldn't miss out on the other shared opportunities, such as swimming, hot chocolates, and spending time together playing games in the evenings.

However, having seen the fallout from some horrific ski accidents (one experienced, one new to it), I do have to wonder whether sacrificing two weeks at a relatively safe beach destination makes sense. Will they really feel significantly left out compared with their friends? Is me saying no to school ski trips really that upsetting? Will they really be in more danger later on if they don't learn as children?

@MeetMeOnTheCorner Obviously, scuba diving is a very significant skill! It’s perhaps the only high risk activity that has ever tempted me as there is so much to see. I'm sorry if I was unclear or caused offence. What I meant was that I view "life skills" as more essential things that everyone needs to be able to do. Listening to and following instructions are life skills, but those can also be learned through tennis, ballet, swimming, music lessons, classrooms, chores, and countless other activities.

The motor bike comment always gets thrown in, but I don’t actually know anyone who has ever done this, so hoping the DCs won’t! However, agree once adults they can do their own thing (which is DHs point on skiing etc they will do it anyway just minus skills)

This isn't about skiing this is about your anxiety.

I can't ski and didn't have a particularly privilege upbringing (state school). I've raced downhill mountain bikes, rock climbed, ice, climbed, alpine climbed, windsurfed (including the big stuff in Cape town). It had nothing to do with private school or social circles.

If you're kids are wired like their dad they will do something dangerous at some point whether you are anxious or not.

Let their dad take them and let them have some fun, you can take your anxieties elsewhere. Just make sure they normalise wearing a helmet (my understanding is this is totally standard now anyway in skiing).

They may well break bones at some point, but generally bones heal quickly and well at a young age, and most people grow up and develop self preservation later in life and calm things down. But if they don't, then nothing you do now or later is going to change that.

@Pip290 "... I view "life skills" as more essential things that everyone needs to be able to do. Listening to and following instructions are life skills, but those can also be learned through tennis, ballet, swimming, music lessons, classrooms, chores, and countless other activities."

Other important life skills iinclude learning to cope with the unexpected or unfamiliar and learning to face up to fears. Skiing is a good activity for learning these skills - weather can change from sunshine to snowstorm in minutes, mountains and snow are unfamiliar territory and occasionally skiers, particularly those learning, will have to confront and overcome their fears in order to get down the next piste. I don't know any skier who has not at some point looked at a difficult run and realised that there is no way back and they have to trust their skills - just as a rugby player has to tackle the big player running straight at them, or the horse rider has to jump an imposing obstacle. The same person will be much more confident when they are the new travel rep who has to deal with a dozen angry and drunk guests, or the junior staff member who has to deliver a presentation to the management team.

"The motor bike comment always gets thrown in, but I don’t actually know anyone who has ever done this, so hoping the DCs won’t! However, agree once adults they can do their own thing (which is DHs point on skiing etc they will do it anyway just minus skills)"

Once they are adults! You might have a shock coming if or when you discover that your 14 year old already rides a moped or motorbike on his friend's dad's farm, or that they're already familiar with the effects of a can of 99p cider.

Knowledge of a mountain environment is a life skill to me. Regardless of it being winter or summer. And it teaches risk assessment skills which will serve them well (apart from the teenage years anyway!).
You got me thinking and all the kids i know who had an accident on skiing holiday were not skiing at the time. Broken collar bones and arms were all from sledging and wrists from ice skating. I knew one 13 yo who broke a leg, but that was from walking on an icy patch. It the adults which tend to have skiing injuries.
You aren't hiding your fear from you DC btw, they will have picked up on it even if noone said anything. So work on your anxiety and learn about the value of outdoors activities for kids. It could be the start of a life long hobby, my DF still skis every year age 75!

If you want to minimise the risk of injury OP then here’s my advice.

1. Avoid off piste - unlikely to be doing this anyway
2. Lessons, lessons, lessons. Not just to “red run level” but until they are really good. Private lessons ideally or look for small group max of 6.
3. Stop skiing as soon as they start to look tired. This is for your DH to judge if he’s the one skiing with them. Ours do morning lessons, ski with us in the pm and usually were done by 3pm maximum when they were new to it. Younger one often didn’t ski at all after lunch.
4. Avoid busy resorts and times to reduce the risk of a crash. So don’t go to Val dIsere in half term for example. Easter is much less busy and when they are beginners you can go to smaller, quieter resorts without the black runs that attract speed demons. Also this is a lot cheaper.
5. Know their weight. That way the skis can be properly adjusted - I’ve seen quite a few kids with skis that either come off too readily or not readily enough which is an injury risk. I’ve been known to weigh my kids on the airport baggage belt (not recommended as you get told off!)