Would my children miss out later if they do not learn skiing?

[Pip290]

I don’t particularly like skiing. I have an old back injury and even innocent falls can trigger significant pain. I don’t like the cold, either. Skiing is very expensive, and we could go to a tropical beach, which I love, or explore somewhere adventurous and new instead.
DH loves skiing and snowboarding and feels it’s really important that our DC learn. I imagine DC would enjoy it as they are little sporting adrenaline junkies. However, they also like water sports, which we do on hot holidays.

DH feels it’s important for them to learn because it will be socially important later on. Will it really? He had a very privileged upbringing. However, DC are now also asking why we don’t go skiing as their prep friends do.

I really worry about serious injuries. We know two people who have had skiing injuries that were life-altering, and I know of too many broken collarbones and legs to count. I can’t think of any other activity where this has been the case.

DH feels it’s important they learn young (and friends at a recent weekend away backed him up) as otherwise they will inevitably jet off at uni and do serious damage trying to keep up with friends.

Is skiing important to learn? I don’t want DC to be left out or at higher risk later on. I’ll admit to being somewhat risk-averse. I don’t like adrenaline at all!

Are my concerns about injury overblown? Would DC genuinely be missing out if they didn’t learn? Those of you who didn’t ski growing up, did you feel left out later on?

Of course it isnt necessary. They can learn as adults.

However, as the non skiing member of the family, i love Ski holidays. DH is reponsible for the children all day, i get to rrst, read,go on walks etc and actually end up refreshed.

Of course not! Your DH has been reading the Chalet School too much. Skiing is high risk for injuries. Would you think the same if he said motorcycling (admittedly probably more dangerous)?

And in any case, according to the MN holier than thou brigade, we’re supposed to be staying home and never flying again, otherwise there won’t be any snow to ski on, ‘cos climate change, innit.

My dd is 23 and has got through life - and university- without ever being on any sort of skiing holiday. Out of all her friends from university (Nottingham) only one went skiing. It really isn’t compulsory!

we happen to live in a country where skiing (winter sport in general) is extremely common and various parts of the country actually happen to be popular winter sport destinations. children go to ski camp in middle school etc…

So I would absolutely want them to learn how to ski (and / or snowboard)! But that is specific to our community / where we live.

I don’t believe that learning to ski is a global education requirement!

(learning young is however considerably easier. I used to snowboard so now I have to re-learn how to ski in my 30ies! Which isn’t particularly fabulous…)

This jumped out at me

DH feels it’s important for them to learn because it will be socially important later on. Will it really? He had a very privileged upbringing. However, DC are now also asking why we don’t go skiing as their prep friends do.

you obviously move in very different circles. We are high earners yet send our kids to state school and I literally know one family who regularly goes skiing. It’s absolutely definitely not “socially important” to the vast majority of people who grow up in the Uk.

I would like my children to learn to ski but it’s prohibitively expensive in school hols so it’s unlikely they will learn as children. No school trip either!

That all said I love skiing and if I could afford to take them in school hols (if a prep school imagine you have more flexibility) then i absolutely would.
to me its more about appreciating stunning Mountain Views than the extreme sports angle though kids may well think differently

If you/ they/ their children want to ski then yes it is.

I invested a serious amount of time and money last year in trying to get DP up to standard. He works for himself so was able to do it. He’s a natural at it and whilst he wants to love it. Learning as an adult is just not the same. You do think of your back, and that makes it difficult to ski safely. It’s hard for him to have enjoyment when stressed.

So it’s a bit of a dilemma. I want my kids to ski so we will be going. DP will continue to learn or give up at some point. But it is a shame for him. His parents 100% could have afforded it and also would have loved it!

It completely defends who your friends are. Our dc had friends who skied at school and they went on the school ski trips plus we always went at half term. As adults their partners don’t ski and they haven’t been for a few years now. DH loved it and I was a non skier. They definitely enjoyed the ski holidays and I found other things to do.

However, we could afford fantastic other holidays too. We did adventure and beach type holidays (although never a beach for 2 weeks) so they saw the world and skied.

I do see the issue your DH has though. He skies and likes it. Same here so dc learnt. Whether they miss out in the future depends on how much they love it and see it as a vital part of their lives.

Why don’t you let your DH take the kids skiing ?

Howling at it being “socially important”. I actually really like skiing - I never went as a kid but started learning in my 30s. I’m not very good but I find it fun. However I am the only person in my friendship circle who skis. Assuming you’re in the UK and not Switzerland, the idea that not skiing will hold them back and leave them out is laughable.

Socially important? Only if you’re moving in those kind of circles. I can only think of two people I know who do skiing and snowboarding holidays.

If he wants to and you think they'll enjoy it, let them, you can enjoy the other facilities on offer you don't have to ski

I didn’t go skiing until I was 40, and can’t say I ever became confident*. So I’m very glad that my dd has taken the 3 Gdcs 3 times now - she always finds a relatively cheap resort and borrows much of the gear - so it’s lovely to see little videos of even the 6 year old whizzing along confidently.

*but then I was never a sporty type anyway. A nephew who certainly was/is, was on to black runs during his very first skiing holiday as a mid teen!

I don’t think it’s socially important.

But I do thinks a fun active family holiday!

And yes learning as an adult is much harder.

Another way to think about it: do you want to stop your children from learning to do something your husband is passionate about / something which is great fun - because you personally would prefer to be doing something else?

I loved learning to ski as a kid and I’m so happy I did. I’ve not had chance to go as an adult (financial reasons) but I feel like if I hadn’t learned to ski I never would as an adult, if that makes sense. I love that it’s an option

I have never skied but can totally understand why people love it. Wouldn’t want to learn now as an adult.
DH loved it and went with his parents when he was younger and with school. If he wants to take the kids and get them learning he is welcome to do so no problem at all but I wouldn’t go.

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It's not necessary for every child to learn to ski. But as they're at prep school, and your husband was 'privileged' (which presumably means they are too), and you expect them to go to uni, then technically he's right. It's cheaper and easier and safer for them to learn now. You don't have to go. He can have a nice week looking after them on his own.

(said as someone who has never skiied)

I think there is a reasonable safety argument for introducing kids to extreme sports when younger when you have influence and control and can instill good safety habits before they hit the dodgy window of time when they are independent but without a fully developed prefrontal cortex.
I started climbing in my late 20s, i think if I'd started 10 years earlier I'm not sure i would have survived. I have been talking my DD climbing since she was 2, and I'm drilling it in to her that she must double check all knots so that this becomes instinct, and never completely trust anyone else with her own safety, also mountain biking - she has never ridden without helmet, gloves and leg pads, so feels strange doing it any other way.

But from a social point of view, they will cope just fine in society and life without being proficient skiers.

You could suggest that your DH takes the kids on an annual ski week as a Dad thing, and you have a child free week (winter sun perhaps).

It's not necessary in my circle, but I'm not from a wealthy background and my DC go to state school.
It sounds like your DC are moving in circles where it is common. Your DH does have a point in that learning it young is the safest option if they're going to end up skiing when they're young adults.
It's not the only risky sport. My DS played rugby and broke his collar bone, a few of his team mates ended up with injuries, one damaged his knee badly and wasn't able to play again.
Teenagers like engaging in risky activities, there will be no stopping them doing risky things. Managed sport activities are one of the safest ways to take risks.
In your situation, I'd let DH take the DC on ski trips and book myself into a spa.

Talking solely about skiing itself and ignoring the social and networking aspect, my siblings and I started to ski before we were five. Three of us took to it like ducks to water and decades later still ski every year because we enjoy it, while our sibling gave it up aged 12 never to put on skis again.

It's harder to learn when you're older and have responsibilities; worrying about paying the bills if you break a leg tends to be inhibiting.

Give your adrenaline junkies the opportunity to ski as you would any other sport - no pressure, they'll either like it or they won't (and your DH will just have to accept it if they don't).

I think that a certain kind of insecure social climber worries about this sort of thing

It was important to me that my kids learnt to ski young. Learning as an adult is much harder.

You could approach it like this. Let DH take charge and you have nothing to do with it. Let him take DC skiing, provided they want to of course. He arranges all the lessons, deals with all the kit, plans and books holidays, deals with all the hospital trips and appointments associated with the inevitable injuries. It can be his thing that he does with them and you can take the time to do something for you. Of course, you can go with them on skiing holidays and just enjoy non ski activities while they ski.

Skiing is a weird one. I know someone who injured herself skiing as a teenager. She’s nearly 60 and recently had yet another surgery on this bloody injury. Nobody needs to ski. My adult dc
have never done it, neither has my DH. I went once on a school trip. There’s no harm
in your small dc doing a few ski lessons on a holiday now and then. But it’s not necessary like your DH seems to think.

Neither DH nor I skied as children (and he had a very privileged education!) I learnt in my early 20s and enjoyed it but didn’t love it so never prioritised it as a holiday. I have however been asked, entirely seriously, by former colleagues about my favourite ski resorts etc and they were flummoxed that I didn’t have one!
A family member had a serious skiing accident a few years ago and ended up in a wheelchair so skiing is off the table for me and DC while my DM is alive - the anxiety would send her over the edge.