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Original poster

On cruise and kids so ungrateful and bored

334 replies

Fishnchips22 · 31/10/2024 12:02

On our first ever week long cruise, ship is amazing, loads to do. Family of four, kids are 19 and 12. They’ve enjoyed some
of it but now can’t be bothered to get up in the morning, spend loads of time on phones, haven’t done the pool/slides etc. DH pretty lazy too, so unless I organise stuff we don’t do anything. I’m so frustrated, last day today and I’m off doing my own thing cos they can’t be bothered. I’m just so fed up, it was a very expensive holiday and I’ve had a crap year with losing a parent and just wanted some lovely family time. My 12 year old DD just can’t be bothered, despite being blown away by the ship when we first boarded. I went to a show last night on my own as none of them fancied it. And just had lunch on my own as they were still in bFeel like holidaying on my own in future and saving my money! I just feel they’re so ungrateful. Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
Beetlejoos · 31/10/2024 15:31

I’m with you, OP!

We are currently on holiday. It was just as you described until we removed the phones. (Oldest is 17yo so maybe a bit easier to demand compliance!). This caused great unhappiness at first and then they got on with it and we’ve had a lovely time as a family. Even played cards after breakfast! That said, they have their phones now, after a great morning and lunchtime out. After all, it’s their holiday too and there would be a rebellion if they didn’t get their phone time!

I’m a bit surprised by some of the PP who think everyone should be able to do whatever they like on a family holiday since it’s their holiday too without making any effort to promote family cohesion. We had a bit of discussion around how the kids can do what they like when they’re older, but for now we wanted them to make an effort to make the most of our time together and all take responsibility for making it fun for the other members or the family since we’ve all had a bit of a crap time over the past 6 months one way or another.

What made it possible in the face of three surly teenagers was me and DP being on the same page. It would be impossible without this as the temptation to give in would be too strong. We are tag teaming so at those moments when I’ve forgotten to check and they’re sneaking their phones, DH remembers and vice versa.

It has been a delight and surprise to see how they turned from miserable, grunting beasts on phones into adorable human beings. I honestly think the phones are addictive and make them irritable. I don’t like pulling out the ‘please can you make an effort for me’ card, but I’m glad I did.

Good luck with the rest of your hols. Maybe request company from 1 person for each thing you want to do? Then they can lounge around doing what they want for the rest of their time.

MillyVannily · 31/10/2024 15:32

I mean ... why are they ungrateful? Just because they don't eat lunch with you and don't go on the slide? You cant force a person to do stuff on a holiday if they dont enjoy them. Just do your own thing. Enjoy yourself and let them do the same. You apparently have different ideas of fun sooo do stuff separately.

Superhansrantowindsor · 31/10/2024 15:32

There is a balance to be had. They are old enough to do their own thing but equally should be polite and kind enough to do at least one thing with mum.
I would leave them to it in the day but insist on a family meal together in the evening. It’s a compromise. Holidays do change a lot when kids get older - you have to alter your mindset a bit.

Rocknrollstar · 31/10/2024 15:37

The answer is to stop going away with your DC. We stopped taking ours away not because they were unpleasant - far from it - but because we all thought it was time for more freedom. DS didn’t go away with us after the age of 16.

Pippatpip · 31/10/2024 15:38

I get you and think it bloody annoying. By 19 the eldest should have a bit of vavavoom to appreciate things laid on such as shows, etc and give things a go. The 12 year old would likely be just as happy hanging out with other 12 year olds. Sometimes you have to be a bit draconian and force them to do stuff which, in the first ten mins, they realise they love (St Bernard dog centre in Switzerland was such a case). Still bloody annoying for you especially as your husband seems to have abandoned you as well.

Pixie2015 · 31/10/2024 15:41

Sounds like they are doing what they want and enjoy on holiday - teen DS likes lie ins, phone to xs and just joining rest of us for food when it’s available - if he’s happy we happy

Pixie2015 · 31/10/2024 15:42

AnonymousBleep · 31/10/2024 14:52

I've got a rule on holiday - largely made for the purpose of me not getting irritated with my beloved relatives - that everyone on holiday can do whatever the fuck they want (so long as it's legal/doesn't hurt anyone else obvs). So if someone wants to spend the week in a darkened room on their phone, they can, and that's fine. I think this rule is actually essential for any family with teens tbh!

This made me LOL - love the wording x

Diaryfear · 31/10/2024 15:44

My mum was like this on holiday, not a minute could be wasted. It took me until well into adulthood to realise relaxing is a legitimate use of holiday time.

Yes, go on holiday alone if you all want very different things, but how is that different to letting them do their thing and you doing yours on the ship?

RedToothBrush · 31/10/2024 15:46

They are loafing about bored cos they are 19 and 12.

Cos its a cruise and they want to loaf about bored.

The idea of waterslides and 19 year olds is amusing...

The idea of shows and 12 year olds is amusing...

Brycare · 31/10/2024 15:48

Timeforabiscuit · 31/10/2024 12:07

How crap for you! Glad to hear you went off to to a show and lunch, and yes completely understand your feelings of wanting to holiday alone in future!

Could it be everyone is a bit tired and overwhelmed by the new environment? I'd save reading the riot act for your DH though, as kids get older it's natural for them to distance a bit but don't understand your DH excuse unless he's completely shattered or utterly disengaged.

Or maybe the husband wants to just relax on the cruise and enjoy his holiday that way?
Different strokes for different folks. Some people want to be doing things all the time when on holidays - other people want to just relax. Each to their own.
Sometimes myself I go on holiday to mainly chill out - other times I go to a city where it will be all go. Nothing wrong with either approach.

TorroFerney · 31/10/2024 15:58

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/10/2024 12:21

@TorroFerney

surely kids should be grateful for holidays though? Plenty of kids don’t get them at all or have to go to Skegness in a caravan every year like I did! It’s good for kids to know that these things take hard work and lots of money and to be grateful rather than expectant- they won’t have much of a work ethic if they don’t!

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No. It’s not my childs fault or doing that I take her on a business class flight, it’s my choice. Likewise a posh hotel. She’s not asked for it . I also don’t expect her to be grateful for me not repeating the shittiness of my childhood. Now I don’t expect her to be a little ratbag but I also don’t act amazed when she acts like a teenager. I think there’s a subtle difference. Perhaps it’s triggered me that word as I sat crying eating liver as my mother told me I should be grateful as kids were starving!

EntropyCentral · 31/10/2024 15:59

Surely the whole point and appeal of a cruise is that you don't have to plan anything, and people can do whatever they want?

Strongly agree. We generally book a cruise with friends so that if dh fancies something I don't he might have someone else to go with, likewise me.

Sometimes all 4 of us go to an event/shore trip together - sometimes it's 3/1, 2/2 or anyone can stay behind and mooch. At will. Without anyone minding a tiny bit.
That's the beauty of it.

PollyPut · 31/10/2024 16:07

@Fishnchips22 what does the 19 year old do at home? Clearly not at uni so are they earning a living normally? or rent free at home in which case a rent free holiday may not be so special for them?

Lemonadeand · 31/10/2024 16:07

I’m sorry you’ve lost a parent, but I’m guessing they have lost a grandparent, too? Maybe everyone is just enjoying the trip in their own way and getting out of it what they want/need from it.

ChampaignSupernova · 31/10/2024 16:08

I get wanting to be active and enjoy everything the cruise has on offer because that's how I approach any holiday but people enjoy different thing and have different expectations.

Does dh usually take a more laid back approach to holidays? Your 19 year old is an adult. Let them do their own thing. Your 12 year old can either be active with you or stay with dh. Next time maybe agree you can do different things but you come together as a family for dinner and evening entertainment or for specific trips etc. Maybe the cruise wasn't what your family expected

QueenBitch666 · 31/10/2024 16:16

63 here. You couldn't pay this ' oldie ' to go on a cruise. Did they actually want to go?

TheDogsPaws · 31/10/2024 16:19

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/10/2024 12:21

@TorroFerney

surely kids should be grateful for holidays though? Plenty of kids don’t get them at all or have to go to Skegness in a caravan every year like I did! It’s good for kids to know that these things take hard work and lots of money and to be grateful rather than expectant- they won’t have much of a work ethic if they don’t!

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They don’t sound ungrateful though, that’s just OPs interpretation because they aren’t doing the holiday in the way that she thinks they should. Why is OPs way right?

But no, kids don’t have to be ‘grateful‘ for everything when that seems to mean do stuff they don’t want to all the time to please someone else and their rigid thinking. Sometimes they just don’t like stuff or don’t want to do stuff and that’s fine in circumstances like this.

Such an old fashioned and clueless view of kids.Do you have kids @LuckySantangelo35

Poffy · 31/10/2024 16:21

My DC loved a cruise when they were 17 and 19.
However it's not necessarily a relaxing holiday. Up early every day to get off the ship and visit whatever port you are in, long day round a city then wall to wall activities while on board. It can be tiring and full on. If I ever do another I will be spending more time relaxing on board than dashing about.

Iwantabrightsunnyday · 31/10/2024 16:24

well, sorry for you and all that money
see, money is not buying anyone anything of value

CAJIE · 31/10/2024 16:29

well as the world is not yet segregated totally though getting there perhaps they need to spend more time with older people and 'oldies' an othering word.They can do something else next time, is it only about them? what about the poster? does she have no needs?

BunnyLake · 31/10/2024 16:44

The same for me OP. A few year’s back now but I scrimped and saved to take my then 12 and 14 yr old on a cruise (as I thought it would be less stressful as a single mum) and I ended up on my own a lot of the time. 14yr old went on one excursion then declined all the rest that I’d booked. Apart from the first couple of days I had breakfast on my own every day and sometimes even dinner. 😢 It wasn’t all bad and we didn’t row or anything but it certainly wasn’t the holiday I was hoping for. I couldn’t afford anymore family holidays after that.

AndThereSheGoes · 31/10/2024 16:52

Snoken · 31/10/2024 13:40

I do realise that but you are then on a timetable and you get off the ship together with hundreds if not thousands of other people to invade some town for a few hours before you have to get back on to the ship. To me that sounds even worse than staying on the ship the whole time.

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Except you don't. You can off and on the ship whenever you like. European cruises tend to go to places where you can go to the nearest town or get a train/taxi to where ever else you fancy.
no different to starting off in a hotel except it's somewhere new everyday.

yukikata · 31/10/2024 16:55

Maybe they're enjoying the holiday in their own way, which happens to be a bit different to yours.

Supermand · 31/10/2024 16:57

Superhansrantowindsor · 31/10/2024 15:32

There is a balance to be had. They are old enough to do their own thing but equally should be polite and kind enough to do at least one thing with mum.
I would leave them to it in the day but insist on a family meal together in the evening. It’s a compromise. Holidays do change a lot when kids get older - you have to alter your mindset a bit.

Quite. I’d agree a plan together that allows them a bit of time to lounge around but also involves time as a family.

I find all the posts about holidays where everyone is just in their own little world without any thought for others really depressing. That doesn’t reflect my experience of family holidays at all (of my own or of people I know). Sounds like the sooner some of you can upload yourselves to the metaverse and give up human interaction completely the better 😂

Marblesbackagain · 31/10/2024 17:00

yeaitsmeagain · 31/10/2024 13:35

The attraction of cruises:

that you get beautiful views that other people don't see, both at sea and entering different countries with an "above" view.

that the travel becomes part of the holiday rather than clock watching at airports and sighing about cancelled flights and being knackered.

being able to see a lot of different places in a short amount of time.

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Sorry but that's a huge nope for me. It's really a niche option and in recent years has become attractive to those I may prefer to not share my holiday with. It's the fake joy of the staff knowing full well most are paid pittance and treated crap.

I worked for years in a 'luxury' ferry firm/cruise liner, it will always be my idea of hell