Any help please, I’ve messed up so badly

[ZoeRose81]

We went to check in on line on Thursday (to depart Friday) and realised our kids passports have expired. It’s just unbelievable disorganisation and general uselessness on my part. My mum booked the holiday - it is her 75th birthday today. And me and the children are not there. My husband has gone, as the villa is remote and she can’t drive over there (Italy) so it was a choice between that or cancelling. Mums oldest friend (64 years long friendship) died unexpectedly two weeks ago and she desperately needs this, so cancelling was not an option. Since Thursday night I’ve been in rallying mode. The kids have been out having fun non-stop, brave face from me. Harry Potter sleepovers etc. then I’m awake at 2am desperately trying to stave off panic attacks. I feel so awful and so exhausted. Appointment is first thing tomorrow at the passport office for the one week emergency service. Does anyone have any clue about how I can secure these as soon as possible? I’ll then have to sort flights and stuff. I know in the grand scheme of things there are a million worse situations to be in but I’m devastated and exhausted and autistic and after 72 hours of wearing the fixed ‘mummy will sort it’ smile, I’ve run out of everything

This! I book holidays sometimes for my daughter and her children with me, and I always double check everyone’s passports before hand! It’s not just your job OP so do not be hard on yourself. Especially as your DH and mum must know you are autistic and find holidays hard!

Depends if GM booked it at the last minute or if it had been planned and booked for months. If last minute then yes you can’t assume everyone has valid passports.

Gosh. How incredibly helpful AFTER the fact.

How about realising that surely not everyone’s brain will work the same way? That if this is the FIRST time something like this has happened then the OP doesn’t know she needs to be on top of it because it’s not happened so hasn’t been a problem.

Good Lord

Between work and my personal life, I book a lot of flights and it’s very rare I get asked for passport numbers. For online check in yes of course but v rare for booking

It has been booked for 18 months. 100% not my mums fault, who nags me a lot about stuff because… she knows me well. Husband feels even worse about it than I do and is missing us all. Thank you all for dragging me through a pretty massive wobble this morning and making me feel more hopeful and confident about tomorrow morning x

Ah yes, that's a point ... it's not until the online check in stage that they're requested with some, and of course that can be very soon before a flight

In fact your mum is partly to blame too for booking a holiday without checking all passports are in date.

Why is it the grandmother's responsibility? The children have parents. Absurd.

There was someone a couple of weeks ago that had the same issue and they got the passports within a few days on the 1 week service, so fingers crossed it will be smooth.

It's been booked for 18 months? I thought it must've been a last minute thing.

The rules changed. The government information is now:

1 day premium
The earliest you can get an appointment is 2 days after you apply.
You will get your new passport at your appointment.
You can only use this service to renew an adult passport.
It costs £207.50 (or £219.50 for a 54 page frequent traveller passport).

These days you have to use 1 week fast track to renew a child's passport.

Fingers crossed you get them back quickly op. It's easily done when you are busy, people forget all sorts of things. I've driven around without an MOT before because I forgot and mindlessly dismissed the reminder on my phone. Your dh sounds like a keeper for making sure your dm got to her holiday. This will be a great story to laugh at one day!

You aren’t the only parent. It’s not all on you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. These things happen and you are doing everything you can to fix it.

We done a one week with my son recently and it was here within 2 or 3 days, so fingers crossed for you.

Thank you all so very much 😊

It sounds very hopeful that you'll get the passports quickly OP. Meanwhile, you seem to have done everything else you can to be ready to jump on a plane the minute they arrive.

In the meantime, continue making it an adventure. Do practice check ins. Guess the weight of the suitcase. Eat pizza/pasta for dinner. Learn to say hello and thank you in Italian. Have a red/white/green dressing up day. Make a scrapbook of the pre-holiday adventures, that the kids can finish when you get there. Send lots of funny pics to Dad and Gran.

@Gazelda - what lovely ideas! Starting the holiday before you actually get there. @ZoeRose81 - hope you can manage to fit in some of Gazelda’s suggestions!

Hi op I did the one week fast track last week and the passport arrived at my house within 2 days

OP, stop beating yourself up. You made a human oversight, we have all done that. What will be will be. Good if you can get there 4 a week, no biggie if you can't. Please take care

Do you need someone to sign your children's passport? If they are under the age of 11 then they need it signed.

As someone living with ADHD, I agree about the importance of systems and scaffolding. I actually have passport renewals in my Google calendar now - and yes, there was a story behind that...

As a counsellor I'm aware that there's a lot of self-criticism that comes with living with ASD, and neurodiversity in general. I'll generally assume that clients (or friends) are beating themselves up quite adequately without my assistance (clearly so in OPs case), and try to focus my energy on moral support and exploring constructive options and actions.

So, OP, just like all the other good people of Mumsnet are telling you, you're doing fine, and quite likely everybody else involved is feeling less pain than you right now. And maybe consider adding passport (and driving license, insurance etc) renewal dates to you family calendar, even if that does feel a little weird at first.

Next time don’t book somewhere remote if you can’t drive and struggle with travel; obviously you’ll never book without checking passports again.

OP didn't book the holiday. She probably would have had no influence on that, and her husband drives anyway.

I agree about systems. I’m diagnosed ADHD. But I’m super organised because I have to be. I have to be far more organised than your average person because I’m naturally scattered.

Ime ADHD types tend to form two camps: the ones who set up strategies to deal and the ones who say they can’t and don’t try.

It shouldn't take long. I paid for a standard passport child renewal it took me 3 months to find someone to sign it. I used a business owner and the passport office disapproved and asked for someone else and then a teacher I knew years ago. When my old teacher friend verified him they approved his passport 42 minutes later and I received his passport 2 days later.

I’m flit between the two. I’m middle management in a stressful job with many different components and I have everything in place to do this well. It’s unusual things (holidays are very unusual for us) where I would struggle more. I am at any given point either the most or least organised person you’ll ever meet. I don’t make excuses, because I know that I can do better even if it’s not my natural state - because I do it at work. I have been at the same job for 17 years though 🤦‍♀️