Any help please, I’ve messed up so badly

[ZoeRose81]

We went to check in on line on Thursday (to depart Friday) and realised our kids passports have expired. It’s just unbelievable disorganisation and general uselessness on my part. My mum booked the holiday - it is her 75th birthday today. And me and the children are not there. My husband has gone, as the villa is remote and she can’t drive over there (Italy) so it was a choice between that or cancelling. Mums oldest friend (64 years long friendship) died unexpectedly two weeks ago and she desperately needs this, so cancelling was not an option. Since Thursday night I’ve been in rallying mode. The kids have been out having fun non-stop, brave face from me. Harry Potter sleepovers etc. then I’m awake at 2am desperately trying to stave off panic attacks. I feel so awful and so exhausted. Appointment is first thing tomorrow at the passport office for the one week emergency service. Does anyone have any clue about how I can secure these as soon as possible? I’ll then have to sort flights and stuff. I know in the grand scheme of things there are a million worse situations to be in but I’m devastated and exhausted and autistic and after 72 hours of wearing the fixed ‘mummy will sort it’ smile, I’ve run out of everything

Stop beating yourself up OP. Mistakes happen so draw a line under the self criticism now as it isn’t helping anything.
Concentrate on getting the passports sorted and looking forward to the week you will still have on your holiday. Hope you have a great time xx

Im thinking the same, if you try a search @ZoeRose81 you'll find lots of stories from others who've done the same but the problem will be that its not possible to assume your experience will be the same as anyone else's as its not a rigid predictable process although my personal experience is that the passport service is the most efficient of all the government departments

Good luck

I thought your husband should have offer more support if you have tendency to have a mind all over the place....so he is fixing the result of it but not taking care of the reasons for it.

Hope you get it sorted in time to go, OP, but this always confuses me ... I thought most holidays required you to give "Advanced Passenger Information" which would have included the passport numbers and expiry dates?

I've never tried to do it with an out-of-date passport (which is a wonder ) but wouldn't there be some sort of algorithm which would refuse the booking if the passport wasn't any good?

I feel so bad for you OP. We all make mistakes like this, don't be so hard on yourself! Besides it's your husband's mistake not just yours.hooe you get it sorted soon x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s clear you’ve been carrying a lot on your shoulders, and I want you to know that you’re doing an incredible job, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

First, please be kind to yourself. This situation is challenging, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. You’re only human, and dealing with something like this, especially with everything else going on, would be difficult for anyone.

Here are a few practical steps you can take:

1. Bring All Relevant Documents: You’ve done a fantastic job getting everything ready for the passport appointment. Bringing your marriage certificate is a smart move, just in case. It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
2. Early Arrival: Arriving early at the passport office can sometimes help speed things along. Even if it doesn’t, it might give you a little peace of mind knowing you’re ready and waiting.
3. Backup Plans: While you’re waiting for the passports, maybe look into flights with flexible options, so you can book something as soon as you have the documents in hand. Knowing you have a plan can help ease some of the anxiety.
4. Lean on Your Support System: It sounds like your husband is supportive, and it’s okay to let him know how you’re feeling. You’ve been so strong, but you don’t have to carry this all on your own.
5. The Kids Will Be Fine: You’ve done an amazing job keeping things normal and fun for them. They’re resilient, and they’re going to be okay. What matters most is that they have you, loving and supporting them.
6. Forgive Yourself: This situation doesn’t define you as a person or a parent. Mistakes happen, and you’re handling it with grace and determination. You’ve done everything you can, and that’s more than enough.

You’re stronger than you know, and you’ll get through this. Please take a moment to breathe and acknowledge how much you’ve already accomplished. Things will work out, and your kids are lucky to have such a caring and resourceful mum. If you need to, take a few minutes for yourself tonight to unwind. You deserve it.

It’s not either of our strong suits - we try to do everything like this together like booking the flights etc. I would never blame him and although my autism makes me anxious about all this stuff, it 100% isn’t an excuse to opt out of adulting 🤦‍♀️ I think any other year one of us would have caught it, but we both work at the same place and it has been a TOUGH stressful year, particularly the last six weeks. My mum isn’t the easiest and the fact my DH is right now chauffeuring her around random Italian villages tells you all you need to know about what a gem he is. We’re lucky to have him

Sorry, that was a reply to an earlier post - not usually a poster 😊

Yes, he’s lovely. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s a mistake and you’re not the only person this happens to. He could have checked the passports too, you know. I hope you manage to get there.

Could you not put this down to an epic fail that you will one day laugh about (and will go down in family history as something to laugh about).

From now on, get a wall chart and make lists of all the things that you must do and when. Insurances, health check ups, vaccinations, appointments, car MOTs etc. That is the only way we can function here.

Use this as a catalyst for change.

I don't really understand all the harry potter fun etc .Mistakes and disappointments are part of life ( big and small) it's ok to mess up and grow and learn from it. Children need to see this, you can't gloss over it with manufactured 'fun' , it's fine for them to see you're tired and made a mistake and that there are steps in your control you can take to improve the situation. Don't be so hard on yourself & fine for children to experience disappointment sometimes, in the grand scheme of things it will all be ok. 💐

@ZoeRose81 someone else on here had the same issue and I'm pretty sure it arrived on day 5. Fingers crossed

Oh god this happened to me a few years ago, went to check in and realised sons passport had expired, luckily it was about 4 days before we flew. Mad dash to the passport office, lots of crying and begging and it was ready to pick up 2 days later and we made the flight. Will never make that mistake again! Don't worry op you're only human and you will still get to enjoy some part of the holiday. I think you've been amazing and at least your mum is out there getting the break she deserves thanks to your lovely hubby

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last to make a cock up.

Oh OP, these things happen occasionally.

Double check you have everything the passport office needs and hopefully they will issue quickly. Maybe look at last minute flight options to keep yourself occupied. Do you know the order of airport preference you want to get to.

You and your husband sound like a good team, so just try and work on your system (shared calendars and lists) to minimise the chances in future, people who are neurodiverse need extra simple systems.

It could be worse, it’s a long holiday so rou will be able to join later, and your husband was able to go separately to get your mum there on time.

I don’t understand how this happens. I’m autistic with ADHD. Which means I have to work incredibly hard to keep things together… but I’m 35 now so I know about it, I know what happens and I know I have to be on top of it. When I book a holiday, or my kid’s dad books a holiday for them (we are split and passports are kept at mine), I will go and look at the passports at the same time. Because I know what I’m like so it’s like in a column together in my head “book holiday and look at passports” like it’s one task.

When you’re ND, you need to have coping mechanism. How do you not look at the passports?

OP
Firstly stop being so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. At this stage you are doing all you can to make the situation as positive as it can be.
I know it’s easier said than done but there is no point in worrying over things you cannot control.
You have your appointment at the Passport Office, just ensure you have everything they need so your application goes through as smoothly as possible, and you will have the passports soon.
It’s impossible to know how soon but that’s not within your control.
Fingers crossed they come soon and you are then able to get flights/ transport to the airport, etc.
Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic time when you get there.

I had this. I’d lost mine. Missed the holiday.
if it’s a renewal it’s faster

this is a lie. This won’t work

That’s helpful.

Try not to beat yourself up, OP - I know you must be disappointed, but it isn’t the end of the world and at least your mum hasn’t missed out.
Your DH was also perfectly capable of checking passports, etc - I bet he’s not feeling guilty and giving himself a hard time 🤷🏼‍♀️

No. Do not. MPs actually have a job to do, and it’s important. And people contact their MP when they need actual help due to a serious situation like, as you say, needing to attend a funeral. Not for screwing up with their own kids passports. Don’t waste MP time for this. Take responsibility yourself.

Be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes.

I had an appointment at the passport office in London 2 weeks ago to renew my DD’s passport on the one week fast track service. I went on Thursday and I received it earlier than expected on the Tuesday, I was actually very impressed with the whole process.

Contact your MP? Dont be ridiculous! Do you actually have an appointment at a passport office for tomorrow or are you just going to turn up and hope for the best?