Any help please, I’ve messed up so badly

[ZoeRose81]

We went to check in on line on Thursday (to depart Friday) and realised our kids passports have expired. It’s just unbelievable disorganisation and general uselessness on my part. My mum booked the holiday - it is her 75th birthday today. And me and the children are not there. My husband has gone, as the villa is remote and she can’t drive over there (Italy) so it was a choice between that or cancelling. Mums oldest friend (64 years long friendship) died unexpectedly two weeks ago and she desperately needs this, so cancelling was not an option. Since Thursday night I’ve been in rallying mode. The kids have been out having fun non-stop, brave face from me. Harry Potter sleepovers etc. then I’m awake at 2am desperately trying to stave off panic attacks. I feel so awful and so exhausted. Appointment is first thing tomorrow at the passport office for the one week emergency service. Does anyone have any clue about how I can secure these as soon as possible? I’ll then have to sort flights and stuff. I know in the grand scheme of things there are a million worse situations to be in but I’m devastated and exhausted and autistic and after 72 hours of wearing the fixed ‘mummy will sort it’ smile, I’ve run out of everything

Why are you taking 100% of the blame when they have 2 parents? Surely you both fucked up? I mean you did, but it was a joint responsibility!

He's not good enough to check the passports for his children are in date though. This is not totally on you, he holds responsibility also.

Thank you all so much, this is such a special community with so much kindness. My husband is also completely blaming himself, so it’s not one sided. I’m tremendously disorganised - super creative - but barely functioning as a useful human when it comes to stuff like this, so I deserve to feel bad about it.

How on earth is it Grans responsibility to check passport dates? I book holidays for Groups of friends - am I meant to check that they all have in date passports?

Ok so you've got two weeks there and worst case you'll get passports in a week. Plan for a one week holiday and if you get them sooner that will be a bonus.

Well it is a pretty big fuck up as fuck ups go (by both you and your husband!) but it's not dire and it IS salvageable, you should have the kids passports on time to spend a week out there. Just make sure everyone makes a bloody big fuss of your mum when you get there! Hopefully she'll have a nice relaxing week and then be recharged ready to have fun with the kiddos.

Make a list of what you need to get done to get your butts out there and focus on that, to try and temper the anxiety around it because it will be a bit hectic trying to organise all this at the last minute. Enlist as much help from your husband as you can. Keep it up with the kids. You're doing fine, this happens so often (got a pal who works at an airport says it's a daily occurrence in the summer!), the passport office are equipped to sort it. You'll be alright and enjoying some Italian sunshine before you know it!

get off mumsnet

start researching flight options so you can immediately progress once passports in hand

Feeling bad won’t help anyone OP. You both made a mistake but these things happen and although really sad now, it hasn’t had lasting consequences. Focus on the solution, you are very likely to get some of the holiday and your mum is relaxing in Italy awaiting some more busy times with the kids.

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/healthcare-abroad/apply-for-a-free-uk-global-health-insurance-card-ghic/

Apply for a free NHS health insurance card while you're waiting for your passports to arrive. You might not get the ghic cards before you fly out but they're valid for 5 yrs. So you'll have it ready for your next trip although mine came in 3 days.

Apply for this today if you don't have one already, it won't take long.

presumably (hopefully!) the op has comprehensive travel insurance

Yeah, I actually thought I was doing well as had sorted the insurance and the health cards! Lots of flights still available everyday next week and trunkis are packed by the door. Pile of documents ready to take tomorrow. I think I’m struggling today because I’ve hit the point where there is now nothing else I can do but wait… 😬 thanks everyone so much for the kindness AND the practical advice, it’s invaluable

Remember to take the old passports. Has the countersignatory done their bit too?

Yes, countersigning is done 👍🏻 I never took my husbands name officially - it doesn’t say to, but should I take my marriage certificate if my name is different from the children? It’s a renewal not first time, but I just don’t want anything to go wrong

It’s a disappointment but not a disaster- your family are all ok. Your husband is supporting you and your mother. You are rallying brilliantly. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. It will be ok .

In my experience using the emergency service, although it says one week they generally come quicker. I did it for my son (2 years ago) and it arrived 2 days after the day of the appointment. Keep an eye on the progress of your application and you can see when it has been printed ect and you will have an idea of when it is on its way and can look at flights

@ZoeRose81 you're doing a great job, I can relate to the feeling of overwhelm with holidays but you know how important they are to your kids, so you still do them.

The overthinking and rumination after making a mistake is really painful but unproductive, but you know this.

Like other have said, you're part of a great team with your DH, your mum will be having a good rest now before you and the kids arrive for the rest of the holiday and it will all work out.

The fact that you have also put on your game face and provided lots of special things in the interim is incredible, very very well done.

If you need a breather today to gather yourself, have you got a friend who could have the kids for a few hours? Will make a big difference before you deal with the passport office (who deal with this all the time and sound helpful) and journey?

You have made the best of a bad situation and well done to DP for going with your mum; I’m sure if you could drive he would have stayed home and done all this and it sounds as if the only person blaming all of this on you, is you.
Shit happens and your DC will see that when it does, it’s not the end of the world and their parents stick together to sort things out.
It’ll be a great ‘what did you do in the holidays’ story for them on the first day back in September!

Yes, take the marriage cert

I'd leave nothing to chance and take everything OP just in case. You'd be so annoyed if you'd left something behind. Good luck and enjoy what time you get with your family and mum x

Take the kitchen sink if you think it will help! Always better to have paperwork you don’t need than not have paperwork you do!

You likely don't need the marriage certificate but better to have it and not need it rather than need it and not have it. A normal renewal only needs the old passport to be returned.

Because of my mum's mental health issues we had a few family holidays cancelled or cut short when I was a kid.

But now when I think of childhood holidays all that comes to mind are the ones that did happen and the fun times. It will be the same for your kids

I was once half way to a ferry port for going to Ireland when I realised I'd forgotten ID for my daughter which they'd said we should bring. These things are easily done! In the end they never checked.

How lovely of your husband to go spend the week with his MIL. My exH would have rather his plane went down

Hope you get it sorted quickly OP. I wouldn't worry about your mum, she's 75 and grieving, she'll know not to swear the small stuff. She can enjoy bonding with your H and you'll all be reunited soon enough

You don't deserve to feel bad. You made a mistake, yes, but as others have said you are not solely responsible and so why should it come on your shoulders?

You have a choice: do you waste energy beating yourself up or do you do something productive? You've already done the corrective action (emergency passport appointment) but what about the preventative action so you can prevent this from happening again? A reminder on your fridge maybe? A reminder on your phone or physical calendar is not a good option as it's 5 years in the future but a note on the fridge may be a good idea.

Once you've covered the corrective and preventative action I think you really should try to get a bit of perspective. Everyone is still alive, everyone still has all limbs attached, all will be well in time. Yes it's a mistake but as mistakes go there are many worse ones to make.

They should still have EHIC/GHIC cards though.

Good luck OP, if it makes you feel any better, I once booked one DC on a flight on a different day to the rest of us.