Villa split between childfree couples and families

[Adrianne1234]

Trying to organise a long weekend away (2 nights) with a group of friends for autumn and this is the group split:

Family 1: 2 adults & 2 kids
Family 2: 2 adults & 2 kids
Family 3: 2 adults & 1 kid
Family 4: 2 adults
Family 5: 2 adults

We don't seem to agree on how the total price would be split. The house has 6 bedrooms. 3 family rooms (king beds + single beds) with ensuite bathrooms, 2 standard double rooms and 1 room with 2 single beds for "extra space" (6th room is not claimed by anyone but deemed necessary by the parents to have additional space).

2/3 families seem to think the total bill should be split by couple, without considering the kids.
1/3 families and the 2 adults families think that the families should pay more because despite everyone technically occupying 1 room, some rooms are family rooms.

To state the significance of this, if we wanted to find accommodation for 10 adults, the price per couple would be around half the one we are paying to have a place that can accomodate all the kids/has the right sort of family rooms.

If it was to be split by couple, price would be £550 per couple, which seems pretty steep for families without kids (that also end up getting the crappier rooms).

Food bills will be split amongst adults so kids won't pay for that which has been agreed by everyone.

Thoughts?

Haha if only.
Thought it was a joke to start, the guy that proposed that said it'd be a contribution for the extra beds/space and eating expenses. Madness.

Sadly I agree.

It's a big shame as we don't see each other often and all come from different places so I was really looking forward to it.

The fact that it would set the bar for the future is also on the main reason for bringing this up. If I knew it was a one off never to be repeated again I'd probably just concede, but with the idea of being a repetitive event it just doesn't sit right with me.

Why are you happy to pay for the children's food and drink? That's the parents' responsibility and sets a bad precedent for future events. So, so tired of parents expecting that they'll be subsidized by the childfree.

They are massively taking the piss, to the point of completely disrespecting you. I'd let them find their own accommodation and stay in a nearby hotel.

Was the sixth room situation addressed, btw?

And who proposed a fiver per kid? Were they serious?!

Thanks for the update, btw.

£5 man hasn't set foot in a grocery store for a while 😂

I’d politely pull out if I were in your position. I think if you go ahead with the trip paying full whack then you will feel resentful and the trip will be soured. Or if the others back down then they will feel that way (unjustly in my opinion!)

I would just say - look unfortunately paying that amount of money for 2 people is just too much money for us to justify, or “not value for money” to use their own phrase! I’d say that I’d love to go away with you all as friends, but we’d need to find accommodation that everyone is happy with and that works out at a good price everyone is happy with. This proposed house just isn’t going to work.

Food and drinks I'd be happy with as I feel like that's a nice way to show my support towards them coming as a family and not just individuals in a weird way, if that makes sense. Can't put it to words but that's just never really been a problem in my mind and I am happy to do it.

The sixth room was questioned (by us) but the responses were still very vague with the main examples being using it as a nap room if your own room is occupied/ to put extra objects etc. Essentially a room for parents to use if one kid is awake in the night and the other one isn't. But they kept saying childfree couples are welcome to use it too and disregard the part where we said there's 0 occasions where we'd need an extra room.

Mind you, the house is massive as well so plenty of sofas where people could have naps if needed.

Completely agree with everything you said.

It's just bitter sweet to accept the impasse is not likely to be solvable but that's just life sometimes I guess

OP
The sixth room was questioned (by us) but the responses were still very vague with the main examples being using it as a nap room if your own room is occupied/ to put extra objects etc

That's so bare faced of them. They know what they are doing and are relying on you being too nice.

Are these friends or family?

Friends

Yeah that's what I felt like as well

Apparently I'm a curmudgeon because I still don't see the need to "support" peers by paying their personal family expenses.

It's generous minded of you, but it's that sort of deference that gives them the entitled notion they deserve to be subsidized merely by virtue of producing children. What do THEY ever do to "support" your lifestyle?

Have you looked into hotels in the area?

When we go away as a group, the cost is split by adult - we have some single people who take one room to themselves, some couples, and some families. This also means that single friends are not disadvantaged. We accept that everyone has the room that best suits their needs, and these may be different. Ie the biggest family get the biggest room - it just makes sense and isn't worth quibbling over.

If there's a family of 5 in the mix, where's their overflow child going? If it's max 4 per family room?

Personally I'd offer to take the family room for £660 and a family can take the 6th room and a small double for the same cost... See what that provokes.

Overall, it doesn't sound the right house for you all as a group unless the adults only couples are getting a dedicated kid free sitting room or similar.

So the people who get the smallest rooms, or who have to share as adults, pay the same as those who get larger rooms and privacy? That seems very unfair.

Who decides "need"?

Since you are establishing precedent, you really shouldn’t be covering the kids food. For starters, I think you are underestimating the cost even now. For the future, it is going to grow rapidly.

This has really got under my skin and I can’t help but keep checking back for an update.
I am utterly astonished that any family would expect you to pay towards the cost of their children’s accommodation.
I find it unbelievable.

Count each DC as .5 of an adult.

Add up everyone staying. (10 adults and 5 DCs equals 12.5 people equivalents).

Divide house cost by 12.5. (Let's call that number Y).
Each group pays that amount times the number of people
Couple is 2Y
2dc families are 3Y
1dc family is 2.5*Y

Food should also be split on that basis (although any very small babies should not be counted for that purpose as presumably parents will bring/make milk themselves).

I really would be quite disappointed in friends who try and claim that the sixth room is available to anyone and can also benefit the child free couples.

As you pointed out there is zero need for you to use that room and will remain untouched by the child free couples.

Frankly I would already be quite hurt at friends of mine trying to gain a financial advantage from me, then trying to also bullshit me with this sixth room rubbish, especially since I had generously volunteered to split the food and drink costs only amongst adults so already subsidising their children.

If you were say in a hotel, the larger family rooms would carry a higher rate than a standard double. It’s just a fact. Then to actually admit that they won’t get value for money if you book two separate properties. No they won’t because you wouldn’t be subsidising them.

Then offering £5 uplift per child. That won’t even cover said child’s food and drink costs. Wow. Just wow.

I completely agree.

It is shocking and weirdly amusing that there are people out there who feel their kids should be subbed by others.

Personally, I couldn't be friends with anyone like this. I would have no respect for them and would point blank refuse to pay a pound towards children they chose to have.

I am generous by nature and love treating my own dc friends, but I loathe piss takers and free-loaders.

OP, I wouldn't entertain another minute of discussing this. You have escaped what would be a terrible trip away IMO.

Frankly I wouldn't of entertained another call about it and just said okay its clearly not working out so we will do x and thats that. Your friends don't want to pay more and want u to subsidise them. I wouldn't want more of my.time wasted discussing it again

Well I suppose one option is to arrive and claim the 6th room for overnights because "dh snores so loudly" and as it's available for anyone to use, so you have as much rights as anyone else, and no one can object, surely?

Maybe: talk with the other child free couples and each of you come up with a reason why you will use the room overnight and become very enthusiastic about using, then see the other couples back off when they realise they won't get full use.

£5 per kid? Sorry, they are being arseholes!!

I would pull out now. Go and spend £550 on something lovely instead!

Simply, having children costs money. You need bigger accommodation. You need to buy more food. It isn’t unreasonable for the people with the children to carry the cost of this. At £550 for 2 nights they’re asking you to pay £275 per night for a double room with a shared bathroom. You could get a nice en suite room in a good spa hotel for that! They are massively cheeky to expect you to pay for their children. You’re obviously not comfortable with that but I note their only offer is stump up a fiver for each child! It’s laughable if it wasn’t so insulting! Your friends are really tight!

I’d have one last go in the next call and say you can’t afford to pay £275 per night but would be happy to look at cheaper accommodation. Maybe even bring some smaller cheaper properties to look at. They will say no, property isn’t big enough for their kids. (They could bring air beds. It’s what we’ve done when we’ve gone away with friends. Doesn’t cost anything extra!)

“Sorry but we can’t afford that. If you don’t want to use air mattresses for the kids and say you need a bigger house then the additional cost of that will need to be on you. Alternatively we can get two cottages close by and us childless people will take the smaller and cheaper of the two. Again if you’re not happy with that and you want a bigger property then that’s fine, but the additional expense is not something we can manage”.

They can’t dictate what you do though. What are the other childfree couple’s thoughts?

Are all of the families being tight fisted or just one and the others are staying silent?