Villa split between childfree couples and families

[Adrianne1234]

Trying to organise a long weekend away (2 nights) with a group of friends for autumn and this is the group split:

Family 1: 2 adults & 2 kids
Family 2: 2 adults & 2 kids
Family 3: 2 adults & 1 kid
Family 4: 2 adults
Family 5: 2 adults

We don't seem to agree on how the total price would be split. The house has 6 bedrooms. 3 family rooms (king beds + single beds) with ensuite bathrooms, 2 standard double rooms and 1 room with 2 single beds for "extra space" (6th room is not claimed by anyone but deemed necessary by the parents to have additional space).

2/3 families seem to think the total bill should be split by couple, without considering the kids.
1/3 families and the 2 adults families think that the families should pay more because despite everyone technically occupying 1 room, some rooms are family rooms.

To state the significance of this, if we wanted to find accommodation for 10 adults, the price per couple would be around half the one we are paying to have a place that can accomodate all the kids/has the right sort of family rooms.

If it was to be split by couple, price would be £550 per couple, which seems pretty steep for families without kids (that also end up getting the crappier rooms).

Food bills will be split amongst adults so kids won't pay for that which has been agreed by everyone.

Thoughts?

It’s not petty expecting a couple to pay less than a family of 4 who have an ensuite!

Do you even like each other for God sake! We recently went away with friends 3 couples with 2 kids each. One single person with dog. We split it between all of us so couples paid for 4 (themselves and their kids) and single person paid for themself + dog and checked with the single person if ok with that and they were happy.

not all rooms were equal and when we got there (last) we had a room with sofa bed vs there’s with en-suite. Did I care? No! Did I feel resentful towards my friends? No! I was just so happy to see everyone and we had a great time.

over the years with friends there’s give and take - sometimes you get the better thing sometimes they do. I couldn’t stand being in a group where people picked on every detail like this. Sounds like some of your friends are very high maintenance

Funny how it's always the single and childfree on the "give" end of that equation, though, isn't it?

You made a friend pay for a spot for their dog??

One of the annoying things about being the only single person staying somewhere in a group is being bottom of the pile for room choices etc.

I am officially never again being the one who has to sleep on the sofa.

Have you had the conversation with the families involved here @Adrianne1234?

It is. I’ve been on countless holidays with other people where we’ve split equally and no one has given a monkeys about who has the biggest room.

I simply could not be friends with people who are concerned with the monetary value of everything to such an exacting degree. They sound like the sort of people who will for example, buy a round of drinks but then be tallying up the price in their head and calculating exactly how much more their round costs than the one you bought the other day because fewer people had alcohol when you bought the round, or someone had cream on their hot chocolate when it was their turn to buy…etc etc.

My friends and I are all generous people (and I reiterate, we are not well off) and are more concerned with enjoying each other and sharing what we have.

I agree with @Rosie1990

'Thoughts', run for the hills, months away and people are already complaining about who pays what.

By family sizes, so families in the family rooms with the ensuite and childfree only the double rooms

Call was very respectful and no major arguments but also no resolution. The two families who didn't agree with paying an extra still don't agree with it. They proposed to pay an extra £5 per kid to cover for all extra expenses which sounds like a bit of a joke to be honest. Decided to all reflect on each other's perspective and we have another call next weekend but it's getting fairly awkward

No real resolution. No arguments and we were all able to express our thoughts but still in a disagreement. Will have another call next week as we all took time to reflect on other couples' perspective

That's what we proposed also but the families said it wouldn't be good value for money due to the size of the house they'd need (they don't seem to understand the value for money would worsen because we wouldn't be paying for them anymore and think it's to do with home size)

No idea lol.

It's their choice as well, they are all very fortunate in terms of parents living nearby so could easily leave them home if that was their preference

Maybe say let’s not look at in terms of people somdiscount the children but in terms of rooms. Hotels have different room rates, standard single, double, triple and the superior ones.

the rooms they are getting are superior - bigger and have an en-suite those should be worth more than a standard double with shared bathroom.

same is true for a houseshare, the larger room with an en-suite costs more.

allocate a price per room and say you are happy to pay the top price for a bigger room but then they will potentially be paying for two

even if it were all couples the sane should be done. We went away with my parents and they paid equally with us but claimed the biggest room with the en-suite which was fair

Wow £5 per DC - they really don't get it do they.

I think your options at this point are either a) suck it up if it means enough to you to see these people b) can the whole idea.

They seem to have no self awareness so trying to get them to understand your point is pointless. I suppose the only thing you could do is find a couple of 5 bedroom places that are cheaper as a compromise to try and wriggle out of them the fact that the sixth bedroom is solely for their DCs use, and really they should pay for it.

I'd be a bit sour about the whole thing if I did go. I get these posters with their "Be Kind, I stay in the coal bunker, eat scraps and pay the same as my Dsis with 18 DCs, because who is so scummy as to think of money when you're with friends/family" but unfortunately I'm not so generous with my hard earned dosh.

Appreciate the different perspective on this and get people can feel differently.
For me personally, I know that if I had kids, I would 100% want to pay for them and wouldn't feel comfortable with other people contributing for me to go on holiday

We do like each other.

Based on what you said (unless I'm missing something) you split the bill per head which is really fair.
Would you have been comfortable with your single friend with a dog paying the same as your family of 4?
If we were paying per head, I wouldn't care about getting the worse room, that's not my problem. The issue is all couples pay the same amount (whether they have 0 or 3 kids) so of course it becomes very expensive for the childfree couples. The better room they get is just a consequence of needing the family rooms for themselves which wouldn't be an issue if they were contributing more towards their kids.

Hope that makes sense :)

OP
Appreciate the different perspective on this and get people can feel differently.
For me personally, I know that if I had kids, I would 100% want to pay for them and wouldn't feel comfortable with other people contributing for me to go on holiday

Exactly, that's the crux of it. If I was the one with the kids I wouldn't dream of asking other people to subsidise them. If I wanted the bigger en-suite room I'd want to pay extra for it.

Thanks for updating us! I'd say the whole idea is dead in the water unfortunately.

I have to agree. Think it’s time to bin this one now before any more awkwardness arises which will lead to lasting damage to your relationships with each other.

It’s rather ironic that they don’t want to do separate properties as they won’t get value for money, but want you to pick up the slack to provide that value for money at your own disadvantage.

No. I would say sorry, it's all getting too expensive, so can't go now.
Then see what suggestions are made.

I think it is time to just say we go to a hotel or not at all

£5 per child per hour, presumably??

Fair enough on your points and glad you feel happy with the way you split expenses with your friends.

I do disagree with your examples though. We are very happy to pay for the kids food/drink and definitely do not bother with small amounts when out.

I think there's a difference between being generous and being taken advantage of, and since this is an event likely to happen again the future, I feel we should all be comfortable and fair with how we are spending our money.

£550 in 2 people for a small room and shared toilet, which is the same price the family of 5 is paying for their all family, doesn't seem fair to me and I don't think it "not generous" to bring it up

Yes. No real solution so we all need to have a think and have another Zoom call next week. It was respectful and without major drama but I don't see anyone drastically changing their opinions which are very far from each other at the moment

The thing is OP, no it isn't fair.

It's now at an impasse. They don't want to pay proportionally for their children and rooms, and you (and others) don't think it's fair that you pay that share for them either.

It should not be this difficult before you've even gone away. Therefore, it's just not going to work out. You can't also go resenting all of this and picking up the financial difference for them and creating a platform for future expectations and they are unwilling to pay an uplift for their families.

It just doesn't work. So the only sensible solution is to bin this idea now.