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Original poster

AIBU to not want to go away with extended family

50 replies

Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 13:53

We want to go on a first holiday with our baby and want a room with direct pool access. You can get these rooms more commonly in one destination and some of extended family wants to go to another. Noone is budging.

AIBU not to want to go with them so we get the convenience of a room with direct pool access as we have the baby?

Also, is it worth the sacrifice of not having anyone to help us with LO when we're away?

We'll be staying in the hotel mostly.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/04/2024 13:55

If you’re wanting help then you need to be flexible!

how old is the baby? Not mobile I assume?

Icanseethebeach · 19/04/2024 13:57

Sirzy · 19/04/2024 13:55

If you’re wanting help then you need to be flexible!

how old is the baby? Not mobile I assume?

I agree. If you’re expecting someone to give some of their holiday to help you parent then you can’t expect to dictate anything.

Wolfiefan · 19/04/2024 13:57

Not sure why you need direct pool access as you have a baby.
And I wouldn’t pay a fortune to go on holiday with extended family and then have to help mind someone else’s baby.
Just book what you want.

Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 13:58

8 months when we go away! Will we need the help? I've never been away with LO before.

I suppose I want some opinions on what's going to be more helpful or better to have. People with us or a room with direct pool access!

OP posts:
UndecidedAboutEverything · 19/04/2024 13:58

Of course you should choose the holiday you and your dp prefer. I can’t blame the extended family for not wanting to budge on destination and more than I blame you for wanting a swim-up room!

Holidays are expensive and if this is your only get-away this year then choose what you and do would enjoy most.

PS I have never found extended family very useful on holiday. It’s more for their added fun at occasionally bouncing a baby on their knee or, you might even get to go for an evening stroll or drink without the baby. But the family is on holiday and often they don’t expect to be your unpaid childcare- not unreasonably!

Cbljgdpk · 19/04/2024 14:00

I’d go with whatever option means someone with you; it will be a much more enjoyable holiday if you can have a bit of help and the odd hour to yourself. I don’t think direct pool access is important and more likely to mean more noise surely?

Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 14:01

That's useful to know undecided.

We did say we'd go with them when LO is older instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 14:02

Cbljgdpk · 19/04/2024 14:00

I’d go with whatever option means someone with you; it will be a much more enjoyable holiday if you can have a bit of help and the odd hour to yourself. I don’t think direct pool access is important and more likely to mean more noise surely?

Thanks. Direct pool access would be for a few rooms so wouldn't be very noisy at all.

OP posts:
SweetLittlePixie · 19/04/2024 14:02

It really depends whether you like your extended family and how helpful they are. I would definitely pick my family to go away with. They are all very eager to babysit and help out also for longer periods of time, so DH and i get a lot of quality time together.
Direct access to the pool isnt very high on my priority list, but its all personal preference really.
If your family isnt excited to help out, then you might as well book what you want.

Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 14:06

LO doesn't see them very often so not sure would stay settled with anyone. I wish they visited more as most are local. Everyone is eager to spend some quality time on holiday with baby.

OP posts:
oneplustwoplustwoplusone · 19/04/2024 14:12

Direct pool access and a potentially crawling baby sounds a bit stressful to me tbh.

Also two parents and one baby who will still be napping twice a day probably how much help do you need?

I'd go where you want to as the three of you and holiday together in the toddler years when there will be lots of running round to do!1

AverageJoan · 19/04/2024 14:12

Our first holiday with LO was when she was 9 months old.. we went for an Airbnb which had a shared pool and it was fine, she napped in the stroller at the poolside or we all went back to the villa. In general it was hard though, we didn't get any downtime and we said we'd bring grandparents the next time (and are doing this summer).

When she was 13 months we went on holiday again and had a villa with a pool and took the baby monitor so she could nap inside and that was a lot better for us

Marblessolveeverything · 19/04/2024 14:16

I would advise there may be a lot of noise as typically my experience is families with children book them. And children on holiday enjoy themselves loudly!

At 8 months you may be glad of someone to take them as their sleep may deteriorate and you may not want to be restricted to the air con room all day.

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 19/04/2024 14:18

IMHO does anyone want to holiday with someone else's baby???
Direct access =noise
And if your dc is mobile isn't a great decision anyway...

Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 14:36

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 19/04/2024 14:18

IMHO does anyone want to holiday with someone else's baby???
Direct access =noise
And if your dc is mobile isn't a great decision anyway...

Haha. This made me chuckle. I see this sentiment alot online it does make me wonder. It wouldn't just be anyone else's baby. It's a baby that they love!

Also direct pool access is only for a few rooms. There's also a main pool.

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 19/04/2024 14:57

We never took family on holidays with us and coped fine with a baby. It all depends what you want from a holiday. At 8-9 months DD still had two really long naps each days so we always had plenty of downtime for us.

I must say I think a swim-up room can be nice, your baby can sleep in the air conditioned room and you can be outside instead of trying to settle a baby at the main pool. But we had these recently in Rhodes and a) some of the decks had no shade at all and b) there were lots of families with teens playing ball, it was a longer pool, not a small single one per room though.

Gymmum82 · 19/04/2024 15:01

Never been on holiday with extended family and never had an issue looking after my children while away.
I wouldn’t want direct pool access with a mobile young baby though. Way too stressful

SeaToSki · 19/04/2024 15:04

Imho the most important thing to have when on holiday with a baby is somewhere nice you can sit and relax while the baby is asleep/napping as otherwise you end up trapped in a bedroom with them trying to be quiet and with the curtains closed .

if a pool access room means that you will be able to sit outside some patio doors with your feet in a pool watching a sunset with a cocktail chatting to your other half while the baby goes to sleep..rather than being in any old hotel room on a long hallway miles from the restaurants and pools..I would take the pool access room anytime. No amount of help is going to balance that out as any relative on holiday with you will likely only want the cute moments playing with a happy baby in the pool rather than missing drinks to sit with a sleeping baby in a dark hotel room so you can have a drink with the group

Original poster
Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 15:14

So helpful everyone. Thank you!

OP posts:
RomeoRivers · 23/04/2024 21:08

Definitely go for the swim up room!

Having holidayed with extended family without one- never again!

Swim up rooms with little ones are an absolute game changer- baby can nap inside and you can have some adult time in the pool/ sunbathe/ read.

Also LO will need nappy changes, snacks, toys etc all of this is so much more convenient if everything is on hand in your room.

The evenings are also much better in a swim up because baby can go to bed while you sit by the pool, take it in turns to go to the bar without disturbing LO and you can usually hear the entertainment.

Emmz1510 · 23/04/2024 21:09

I can see why you would want direct pool access. No need for sun lounger drama, can go to and from pool as you please, potentially can still sunbathe by the pool as baby naps if it’s close and/or you have a baby monitor you can take.
Would you definitely get a room like that though? Or is it just that the hotel has them?
Ultimately it depends on factors such as how close you are to family members and how much you want to holiday with them and what your priorities are for a holiday.
I wouldnt bank too much on childcare from family though! When we went on holiday with my sister and nephew and parents my mum isn’t much of a sunbather for long periods and she also isn’t a night owl, so she was happy to take my baby nephew of an evening to let his parents go out or take him back to the room for an hour in the day for naps. But not everyone is up for that and that’s fair enough

Jessforless · 23/04/2024 21:11

Where is it you’re planning to go?

Melbee5467 · 23/04/2024 21:19

Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 13:58

8 months when we go away! Will we need the help? I've never been away with LO before.

I suppose I want some opinions on what's going to be more helpful or better to have. People with us or a room with direct pool access!

I’m not really sure either are necessary and worth dictating your holiday by. We took 8month old away for 3 weeks to a multi destination jungle/beach. We didn’t need any help, so it’s only if you are planning a night out alone perhaps. As for direct access pool, I can see why you think it’s helpful we did hire a cabana a few days with a private pool and shade but again not important overall.

hot2trotter · 23/04/2024 21:38

Why do people need others to join them on holiday to 'help' with their child ?! I have taken my children - all 4 of them - on holiday every year since my eldest was born. Sometimes on my own with them, sometimes with their dad. Never needed anyone to come with us! Must be a MN thing as I don't know anyone in real life that has had to do that.

coupebaby · 24/04/2024 07:57

Hyperquiet · 19/04/2024 14:36

Haha. This made me chuckle. I see this sentiment alot online it does make me wonder. It wouldn't just be anyone else's baby. It's a baby that they love!

Also direct pool access is only for a few rooms. There's also a main pool.

Show quote history

It doesn’t matter how much family love a baby, it’s still going away with someone else’s baby, and trust me, no matter how much family love the baby, that doesn’t mean they want to sacrifice enjoying their holiday saddled with the baby!! When you say help do you mean look after the baby so you can go out some nights alone as you stated you’re unsure if she’ll settle with any of them anyway? Or did you just mean playing with her in the pool or taking her for a walk while you both relax sunbathing for an hour during the day? What help exactly do you mean? I take all mine away by myself, youngest was a baby a few years ago, I don’t drink really and been in my own I wouldn’t be going out anyway so was just myself and the kids out for dinner, walk about shops etc then back to apartment. With 2 of you and 1 child the direct pool access isn’t needed but you can book a room in other place on ground floor close to pool as you can maybe? Take a smaller stroller not a bulky pram too, one that lays back for sleeping and easier to bring to the pool and easier to put in taxis etc if needed, regardless of which holiday you go on.