Husband and Bloody Holidays!

[PotatoPudding]

DH hates spending money on holidays because, unless it’s food, he thinks it’s a waste to spend money on things you can’t keep. He’s also a massive snob. He was fine to go on holidays when I was able to pay for them, though.

His dad lives in Florida (not a cool part) and his sister lives in Spain (a really boring, small town) where there’s nothing for me
or DS 5 to do. DH just spends time catching up with his family while we are stuck indoors (in Florida) with nowhere to go (there are no paths and it’s miles to anywhere).

He refuses to go to a resort because he thinks only poor people go to resorts. I found a lovely week-long Norwegian cruise for £700pp but he doesn’t see the point without the extra package for more restaurants we won’t eat in, which is another £300 per person. He’s therefore saying £3000 for one week is too expensive.

I don’t want to go self-catering because I want a bloody holiday with coffee being poured for me and no dishes to clear up.

I am open to all suggestions home
and away.

However, please don’t bother commenting if it’s just to criticise my husband or my marriage; I know he’s an arse. I want good holiday suggestions.

You could go on a holiday by yourself though, even a few days in the sun

@HummingbirdChandelier
I would love to but there’s no chance. We get one week off a year together because we don’t have any childcare options. I can’t use any annual leave for myself.

I think you’ve decided there’s no solution. I am sure you could make a week away work.

or take your child with you

You're working part-time and studying; he is presumably a high earner? How are the finances managed exactly; do the two of you have a joint account or individual accounts? Presumably his income pays the mortgage and bills? What does your income pay for? Who pays for food, childcare, clothes and other things that your child needs?

How much longer until you complete your studies and have your qualification?

Oh and I think the answer to the holiday problem is quite simple. He goes by himself to visit his dad and sister. The money that you save on flights for yourself and your son becomes your budget for holidays for the two of you. I'm sure flights to Florida and Spain for 1 adult and 1 child would be enough for a week or two for the two of you.

And if you don't have access to money to make that happen without your husband's permission, you have a much bigger problem and you need to contact Women's Aid.

Do you just go for one week to Florida? Or Spain?

I am not really sure what the definition of high earner is to be honest. He is in the 40% tax bracket but I wouldn’t say he’s a high earner. No joint account, which is my choice due to being burned in a previous relationship. He pays mortgage, cars, utilities, house insurance & life insurance. I pay CT, broadband, my phone, all food, mine and DS’s clothes.

i will be qualified in around 16 months.

Have you worked out how much income you each have, how much the outgoings are that each of you covers, and how much is left over for each of you? Council Tax and all the food is a significant amount and that might be reasonable for you pay but not if he is earning a huge amount more than you? (And yes 40% tax payer is a high earner! Mumsnet might be different but in the real world the average man aged 30-49 earns less than £39k/year.)

This means the budget depends on if HE wants to go there. He's using money to control the choices for your family, and ignoring your wants. That's a much bigger problem.

Tell him to take DS on his own next time. Start putting a little aside from your own pay to go somewhere alone. If you can't, just enjoy doing a few cheap things like days, coffee & meals out alone & relaxing at home eating simple meals.

After having to be the 24/7 parent and entertaining DS on his family visits to boring, isolated places, he might change his mind. Or not, but you'll get a break either way!

@PotatoPudding I still think you compromising on self catering may be the key here. It can save you a fortune and could be the wise choice when the alternative seems to be to not go at all. What is it that you want from this holiday? Is it a break? or is it to build memories with your child?

@PollyPut
Self catering is fine as long there are on-site restaurants for breakfast. Hotel breakfast is one of my favourite things. I find it so relaxing and it sets me up for the day. I just lovely freshly brewed (by someone else) coffee.

I want to relax. I get very little downtime and don’t do anything socially. I don’t want to have to go to supermarkets and to make sure I have food in for everyone’s breakfast preference. I want amenities on my doorstep, as DH gets up about 3 hours after us, so we don’t want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting around for him, which is what usually happens.

Hotel breakfast is one of my favourite things. I find it so relaxing and it sets me up for the day. I just lovely freshly brewed (by someone else) coffee.

Me too @PotatoPudding. I feel really strongly about it!

Let's ignore the elephant in the room...

Tbh, I'd rather not go and spend my free time bored senseless with in-laws and a selfish arse of a DH. Is he like this all the time?

Anyway, you won't be studying forever. Once you're back on full-time money, it sounds like you feel you will hsvr more of a say in your holidays.

We love it here https://www.kielderwaterside.com/book/ if you can’t get abroad. There’s a breakfast place and restaurant on site, and lots of stuff for a 5 year old. If you look at the Easter 2025 dates it seems they might not have realised when the bank holidays are so you can show DH the bargain (compare to the week before). The Birch and Beech lodges upwards are the most luxurious ones.

Could you miss some of the Florida trips and chill at home, he can’t make you go?

Bloody hell, he really is a peach isn't he

We do self catering and still have a good time; we rent nice, decent apartments with dishwasher; do outings daily and a mix between eating out, cooking at home, carrying pinic, coffee out. We like our own space and not be sourrounded by hundred of people in a hotel.

We have seen beautiful places. Can he compromise on saving money each month for holidays.

Dont want to criticise your husband but if he doesn’t want to go on holiday maybe you can go alone? With friends? Other groups?

You can have everything; may have to compromise somewhere

I was going to make some suggestions but honestly I don't think holidays are the crux of the problem here, it's a DH who is financially abusive, and you finding yourself in a position of having no financial autonomy at all. Solve that and you'll solve the holiday issue.

Yeah, this.

All these suggestions are just fiddling while Rome burns. He sounds like a nasty abusive man. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Btw it doesn't sound like your bills are a fair split unless the mortgage is very expensive and you don't spend much on food.

Thank you for your comment. I am not able to do anything about my situation at the moment, but I am working towards a better life. I will be fine in a couple of years.

He does want to go on holiday but I have always paid in the past. As someone said, he has champaign tastes on a beer budget.

Staying SC doesn't mean that you actually self-cater. We tend to book homes away to give us more room to relax (lounge, garden etc) when not out and about, rather than being stuck in a hotel room. All of our meals are 'out'. So you still get the coffee poured and no dishes.

It's been many years since we've stayed in hotels, we much prefer Airbnb now but I do remember enjoying these two hotels, one in Menton on the Cote d'zur and one in Calpe in Spain. Small, quiet, boutique-style hotels that both had amazing breakfasts and we just ate out the rest of the time. Like you I have a tight partner who refuses to spend too much on holidays so hopefully these will come in on budget aswell and there are plenty of cheap flights to Nice and Alicante. We had hire cars but both places easily accessible by public transport if he doesn't want to splash out on a car!

https://www.rivahotel.com/en/

https://portocalpe.com/en/

Leave DH at home or he can go to Spain to his boring family. You and son go to a decent 4* hotel in Turkey by the sea. Cheap, luxurious, and you’ll have your coffee poured for you. You need a break!