Husband and Bloody Holidays!

[PotatoPudding]

DH hates spending money on holidays because, unless it’s food, he thinks it’s a waste to spend money on things you can’t keep. He’s also a massive snob. He was fine to go on holidays when I was able to pay for them, though.

His dad lives in Florida (not a cool part) and his sister lives in Spain (a really boring, small town) where there’s nothing for me
or DS 5 to do. DH just spends time catching up with his family while we are stuck indoors (in Florida) with nowhere to go (there are no paths and it’s miles to anywhere).

He refuses to go to a resort because he thinks only poor people go to resorts. I found a lovely week-long Norwegian cruise for £700pp but he doesn’t see the point without the extra package for more restaurants we won’t eat in, which is another £300 per person. He’s therefore saying £3000 for one week is too expensive.

I don’t want to go self-catering because I want a bloody holiday with coffee being poured for me and no dishes to clear up.

I am open to all suggestions home
and away.

However, please don’t bother commenting if it’s just to criticise my husband or my marriage; I know he’s an arse. I want good holiday suggestions.

@PotatoPudding So you have no money of your own. Thats a shame.

What sort of resort are you proposing? We tended to do self catering when dc were that age. Eat out quite a lot! I’d never go AI and maybe this is what DH doesn’t want.

When dc were a bit older we did Families Worldwide holidays. Far from resort holidays! DCs loved them. I would try and find something a bit more original than a resort. We also tried Mark Warner - once. That was ???? But DC liked it. DH and me said never again.

We also did a couple of cruises and dc liked the clubs and activities. DH and me decided it wasn’t what we wanted but Alaska was a good trip! We also did fairly cheap holidays to Brittany and stayed in a caravan. Always went to a couple of Michelin starred restaurants though and got babysitters. Maybe a compromise could be found?

What about Sani or Ikos hotels in Europe. They are very expensive and posh people go there so that should suit little lord Fauntleroy to a tee

I've never been to a resort holiday either. We did go self catering when I was little but my DM declared it 'not a holiday' so we just ate out.

Places like Spain, Italy, Greece are very foodie but also very tolerant of 5 year old kids running about and making friends.

Cos he won’t pay the money. He’s used to business class flights and expensive hotels with work but obviously not used to paying for them.

@AnnaMagnani

I love the sound of Italy.

He sounds like a financially abusive twat and a holiday is the least of your worries

I have done lots of resort holidays but not AI. I think I am just yearning for my younger days of a continental breakfast that lasts two hours.

@PotatoPudding Cos he won’t pay the money. He’s used to business class flights and expensive hotels with work but obviously not used to paying for them.

Is it that he can afford to pay, but won't?

A bit of both. He can afford £3000 but would never spend that on a holiday unless it’s flights to see his dad.

Just like to add that his dad is loaded but never comes to the UK.

To be fair my husband is similar. Likes 5 star but doesn’t like paying for it. Luckily he also likes off the beaten track characterful places. What helped was when I went back to work and could pay for some with my earned money. Also we went on some amazing trips (Villa Pia was out of school holidays as it’s very pricey) and stayed in some really nice little places. Italy, Portugal , Croatia, Greece - all family run guesthouses. Also bigger trips to Sri Lanka. All on a budget but we had amazing times.

I would need marriage counselling over this or I’d leave him! Couldn’t bear somebody who didn’t see the value in family holidays and time spent away from usual routines. I work FT and have equal say in holidays. Tell him he can take DC to his family as an extra, but that’s not instead of a family holiday for all of you! You need a break, AI would give you the break you need

Are you paying £3k just for flights to Florida for 3 of you?

There are ways to fly more cheaply (I'd even go so far as suggesting if he insists on business, you and DS go economy), by booking as soon as flights released and looking at different airports. Then perhaps you can use the difference in cost to tag on something to the holiday?

Also Europe is a fabulous option, and even if SC, you can still eat out!

@DGPP thank you. I have said he can take DS on his own next time.

You know, I don’t mind not being AI as long as I can have a lovely breakfast and go out for the rest of the meals. Oh, and NO laundry!

@redfacebigdisgrace I am going to look for a selection of family friendly places in Italy (love the one linked earlier) as I think that’s the sort of thing he’d actually enjoy. He loves Italy but I was silly to think it wouldn’t be family friendly.

I put my foot down after a disastrous "holiday" to see his family many years ago.
Some years DH takes the kids on his own. Some years we do a 2 centre holiday - half with his family, and half our own thing. I've refused point blank to spend another 2 weeks of my leave at his grandmother's house, where I freeze (no heating, and apparently we have to go in winter) and starve (I lost weight whilst pregnant for 2 weeks there).

I'd have thought there were loads of decent places either a short flight or drive away from both his father and his sister? So, where is easily accessible from either the airport used, or their towns?

All of you go to Florida and leave him there with family and you go on a cruise from Florida for a week.

@anonononon that sounds awful. FIL and his wife only eat once a day at 4.30pm and they didn’t cater to DS at all. They also complained he didn’t like the same food as them. They live around two hours from anything but the car hire is really expensive. DS just won’t fork out for all the extras that could make it enjoyable for the rest of us.

His sister lives quite far inland, so a couple of hours to get anywhere decent.

Italy will be heavenly. They love love love children. The food is so good for kids too.Not been here but it looks gorgeous https://www.i-escape.com/borgo-castello-panicaglia

@redfacebigdisgrace
I am so glad you saw my post and took the time to share links. These places all look amazing and like they would suit all of us.

Personally I'd go without him. Or you travel together, he can stay with his parents whilst you take yourself and dc off to Disney for two weeks. Lots of lovely resorts to pick from and the dc will enjoy the parks

We can’t afford to do this unfortunately.

It shouldn't be "his" money...
But leaving that aside...simple say you cannot go to see his family...and suggest he takes ds...
A few weeks on your own at home might be a nice holiday!!!!
If you can be "sweetly sympathetic" to him...I'd be trying to explore what he means by "resort" holidays?
Does he mean big hotel, huge pool , full of kids screaming...
Is he thinking AI will be all drunk by 10am Brits.
Or does he mean he doesn't want a resort...so not a town as such.
A cruise would never hell for me for above reasons
I'm with him on all of above but with you on ...I want someone else to pour the coffee ( excellent phrase btw...one I intend to deploy)

Do you both like beaches or pottering about finding interesting little villages or historical sites ??? There must be something other than just sitting at his dad's house he'd like...
The i- escape places looked fantastic...but maybe work on what you'd both like...

Good luck , I feel you may have your work cut out

Well, if I liked cruises given your original suggestion I would look at cheaper cruises (many include the food so your extras for food confuses me, and many are probably cheaper than Norway).

Also I do think self catering is an easy compromise - or at least self catering breakfast and lunch. It's actually really hard to make many 5 year olds eat out - especially for a week, and if they have quite a routine about their food. Self catering where you have access to a fridge can easily given them breakfast and lunch that they like is much easier. It's so very much cheaper

@Theredjellybean

Thanks for the reply. He means anything that’s not a villa really, although he’d shit his pants if he knew how much a villa cost. But, yes, he thinks AI (or any resort really) will be full of drunk, sunburnt Brits who let their kids run riot.

We all love pottering around little towns and having a splash in the sea. We also all love any kind of natural history museum and any kind of nature.

Oh, to have someone ask if my coffee cup needs a refill.

No suggestions, but I feel your pain. DH wants 5 * luxury on a Haven holiday budget, so he just keeps saying No to everything I find. And given he earns 4 x times what I do, I ain't bloody paying. I was the one who sacrificed their career to raise our kids.