Parents' names on UK child passport? Documents for a parent with different surname?

[ParentOfOne]

Our children have my surname; my wife has a different surname. Every single time my wife travels with our children without me, UK border guards give her grief about the different surname. Every. Single. Time.

So two questions:

1. Has anyone ever managed to add the parents' names in the 'notes' section of a British child passport, when applying for a new one? This is what some European countries do; it is so straightforward, inexpensive, and just makes everyone's life so much easier. We asked once, and they told us no.

2. How does a parent with a different surname travel with their children but without the other parent? We always bring the kids' UK birth certificates, which show both parents' names, but, even so, border guards give my wife grief, with silly comments on how easy it is to fake birth certificates. Then why do you not add the parents' names to the passports? It's not our fault if the only document the UK provides (birth certificate) is easy to fake!!

To be clear, I get it that it's important to ensure children are not abducted etc, I totally get it. What I don't get is giving grief because the only document that shows both parents' names is easy to fake.

Oh, and the fact that too many people in the UK still give weird looks to a married woman who has dared keep her surname (this has happened a lot in other circumstances, too). I should add we are all the same race and all UK citizens, so ours isn't one of those cases where the children look nothing like the mother (which I get would warrant higher scrutiny at the border).

bast*rd

I’m ok with my kids being asked who I am - it’s not nice, but in the grand scheme of things it’s important and unlike stupid things like the letter it can actually be effective - but giving you grief over not changing your name is ridiculous, irrelevant and unacceptable. You should definitely feel entitled to complain about that if you want to.

I've travelled all over with my daughter who has her dad's surname. (Australia, America, Spain, Greece and Ireland to England) I've only been asked once flying from Dublin to Philadelphia. They were really nice and I just showed them her birth certificate with both our names on and it was no problem.

I get more questions now travelling with my younger children, who have the same name as me, than I did before eith my older girls who don’t have the same name.

It’s just much, much more common to be asked questions now.

A few years ago we took DD friend on holiday with us. She was about 14. We took a copy of her mums passport and a letter from her mum, with contact details. It was given a cursory glance by border force officials. However, she was clearly old enough to be asked if they wished to and looked happy and relaxed.
However, DD was nearly 3 when Madeline McCann went missing and she did have a look of her (to the extent that when MM was on the TV in her Disney princess dress on the news she would say ‘mummy that’s me’. We went to Spain in the July after MM had gone missing from Portugal in the May. It was the first time my daughter had flown. Border force staff, while holding her passport, asked her for her name. I went to answer (thinking they were just being friendly and knowing she wouldn’t answer as she didn’t know them) and they said ‘no, she needs to answer’. Which she did, although then she cried because she was scared. They also looked closely at her eye (she did not have the distinctive pupil that MM had).
We didn’t kick off. They didn’t explicitly say why they had done it but we knew and we were happy they were trying to find MM.
My point is, you don’t know what they are looking for or why they are doing it, whether it’s just routine or something else, but we should all be glad that people are looking out for things like that because there will be times where it saves a life.

@JoB1977 "My point is, you don’t know what they are looking for or why they are doing it, whether it’s just routine or something else, but we should all be glad that people are looking out for things like that because there will be times where it saves a life."

For the last time, I do not object to checks, I get why they are doing it, I object to:

• the fact they give my wife grief but they always ignore me. We have travelled enough times that, if it's always just a coincidence, it's a very odd one
• the questioning on why she didn't change her surname
• the fact that the UK allows one parent only to apply for a passport and has no border checks on exit; the UK doesn't check much when UK minors are flown abroad but then gives grief when a UK parent brings their UK child back into the UK? Doesn't sound to me like the country which best protects minors, to be honest.
• the idiocy of saying that the only UK document proving parenthood is easy to fake, while at the same time refusing to provide a safer one, like printing the parents' names onto the passports

Maybe she should also carry the marriage licence to show the marriage... although they may think that's fake also...

PS The really tricky thing is when you have kids ages approximately 3-5, who can talk but remain very immature. Reminds me of when our child told the nursery that the lady who wanted to pick her up wasn't her grandma; in her mind she was just playing an innocent prank, but the nursery almost called the cops before they called us and we managed to clarify the whole thing!

I have a different surname to my children and I’ve never been given any sort of grief…

the fact they give my wife grief

i doubt they do

I just take my children's birth certificates incase but I've never even been asked for them or questioned about different surnames. We have been with my partner both times too (not their dad) so he also has a completely different surname & noones ever questioned us or given us grief

Your partner must be unlucky because I’ve not been stopped once with my children, they have their dads surname and I have my own

I didn’t take my husbands name after marriage. My children have his name. They have dual nationality and hold 2 passports. The European id card has a section with my name listed seeing as I’m their mother, the UK passport office refused to acknowledge this and actually accused me of changing my child’s name to a double barrelled name and refused to issue a new uk passport until I provided official documents about the name change which obviously I never had…….After lots of faffing about, strongly worded emails and even a complaint to the home office (I was really pissed off at this point) I ended up having to get my name removed from the European documents. They now have uk passports again. I usually travel by myself to the UK and have been questioned at the border so I always take my family book, birth certificates etc with me. It’s disgusting really but I guess there are people who try and slip through the system.

I have a different surname to my child. I take her birth certificate with me whenever we travel. No one has ever asked to see it.

Sorry about what happened with your wife.

I am not married, and often travel alone with my now 4yo child with a different surname. He only has a British passport and I only have an Italian one - even if I am a British citizen. I always include a copy of the birth certificate inside his passport, and - if I remember - I print some lines showing the consent of my partner, with dates, his contact number and passport details. No one ever asked for/checked this.

In my experience, Italian border forces have been much more strict, always checking the birth certificate and - once my child was a bit older - talking to him and asking some basic questions. UK border forces rarely even check the birth certificate when we are coming back. As you say, checks would be more useful when going out of the country, not when coming back, especially if the child has a UK passport!

I wonder if maybe what your wife has interpreted as ‘grief’ is actually her questioning the situation (understandably, as it has happened more than once) and the officials getting prickly because, as other posters who are in the know have mentioned, most people realise there is a sensible way around it (like you have suggested) but they aren’t the people who get to make those decisions, unfortunately.

Everyone’s emotions get heightened in a situation like that; how many of us have felt guilty going through security even though we 100% know we only have dirty clothes in our cases! I guess it could be easy to feel on edge especially about something as personal as being the parent of your child.

Just a different perspective maybe? Not trying to undermine your wife’s feelings at all.

My DD has an Italian passport. When she was under 14 both parents’ names were in the passport (also with the ID card), because Italian women keep their surnames upon marriage so most have a different surname to the child. As a result I’ve never needed to travel with a birth certificate, as a passport is issued by the police and both parents need to turn up in person and sign a consent form. Maybe get your child an Italian passport to simplify things?

i totally understand she wanted to keep her own surname

i’m curious though…. did she also not want her children to have her surname also or was she completely chilled about her children having the surname that she didn’t want to change to?

that isn’t a barbed question, i am genuinely curious how someone wants to keep their own surname but at the same time is absolutely fine with their children having a different surname?

Is she visiting family when she travels alone with them a couple of times a year?

No one has queried either of us, we have traveled solo with DS to Ireland and Norway. I have been prepared with a birth certificate and letter from DH and never been asked.

DH hasn't bothered with extra docs but thinking about it he's only taken DS alone to Ireland where they are both passport holders and there's no passport control coming into the UK from Ireland

@melassa does your daughter have dual British - Italian citizenship? Did the UK border force accept Italian documents as proof of parenthood?

@frenchanglaisbaby Was the other country Spain ('family book' makes me think of Spain, but maybe other countries have something similar, too).

What did you mean, exactly? Did the child's surname on the UK passport not match the surname on the European one? When you say you had to get your name removed from the European documents, did you mean the child's surname changed from FathersSurname MothersSurname to just FathersSurname ? I don't suppose a European country would just remove you from the section listing you as the parent?

I know a child with dual Spanish - UK citizenship; the parents made the mistake of registering him as Juan Smith in the UK and Juan Smith Lopez in Spain, and the difference in surname has caused lots of (understandable) grief. Was this your case?

@withthischoice The decision to keep her surname was mostly a combination of already being known in her professional environment with her maiden name (so changing it would have been a huge problem) and a strong feeling that her surname was her identity, that her identity doesn't change just because she married me, etc. My opinion as a man is irrelevant, because it's not my decision, but I strongly agree.

In quite a few non-English speaking countries women do not change their surname, and most people, men and women, find it very, very odd that English and American women do. I remember a couple of dinner parties where European women quizzed British ones extensively on this, as they found it completely bonkers.

We briefly considered double-barrelled surnames for the kids, but decided against it, as we felt it would have been more trouble than it would have been worth.

@job1977 I think I had already answered this. Of course I was not present, but being questioned on why she didn't change her surname is unacceptable. They inspected the birth certificates for prolonged periods of time, because they are easy to fake; OK, but then why refuse to provide a safer document? How bloody hard is it to print the parents' names on the passports?

My interpretation is that the UK refuses to do it because most married women still change their surname, and because British authorities are too arrogant and closed-minded to accept that they don't always know best, and that sometimes what other countries do is actually more sensible.

I used to always take a copy of my DDs birth certificate , put inside the passport. Once I remarried, I always took my marriage certificate and her birth cert together inside passport. I had a return to England journey and was so glad I had these as they literally asked me everything and I just had the docs to hand.

but that doesn’t answer my question

She wanted to keep her surname. Totally her prerogative. But she was completely fine with her children not having the surname that she wanted to keep for herself?

Was she born in another country? is she travelling regularly without you to visit family abroad?
It is interesting that your wife has got “grief” every time and yet everyone else on the thread in a similar situation…. doesn’t

Yes! I have a different surname to my children. My sister married someone (completely unrelated) with the same surname as them. She could walk through border control with my children no questions asked! I've often wondered why parents details are not on children's passports too

Women having different names to their children is not something that is unusual or surprising for border staff. It’s incredibly common in many cultures.

It’s never the sole reason for people being asked questions imo. They’d be stopping shit loads of families daily if that was the sole reason.

exactly

there will be more to this

either the Op’s wife is grossly exaggerate by this “giving her grief” every time

or

the border officials have reason to be concerned for a separate issue to the different surname (which they will see hundreds of time a day pass by)