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Original poster

DH insisting I take a car seat on holiday. AIBU?

106 replies

Sammy6388 · 20/08/2023 21:33

DH is going to Australia for 3 weeks to volunteer at a sporting event, so I have booked a holiday to lanzarote with my Mum and 2 children. DS will be 4 months and DD will be 3.5 (easier being on holiday with them than managing both on my own at home).
DH is insisting that I take a car seat for them both. It's a 15 minute transfer by jet2 coach from the airport, so I don't think it's necessary.
We are staying at an all inclusive hotel on the beach so it is unlikely we will get a taxi when we are there.
We will have 3 suitcases, 2 prams, a trunki, changing bags and hand bags so my point is adding 2 car seats is too much to carry.
I've said I will compromise and take a car seat for the baby, but am I being unreasonable to refuse to take one for our 3y old?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 20/08/2023 21:52

Car seats don't work properly on coaches, most of them only have retractable lap belts plus there is not enough space between the rows. Also, it's basically a bus. Bigger so would take less of the force in an accident. I wouldn't take one. I know some people do try and work out how to do it, and I've talked people through the options before but in all honesty the hassle probably isn't worth it, especially if you're travelling on your own. It's a tiny risk to begin with, and if the car seat can't be fitted correctly then you're probably not reducing it much further.

If you (general you not anyone specific) do go in a taxi as a PP says with child on knee btw, it's safer not to put belt around both of you. Just put the belt on the adult, and hold the child in your arms, unless they are over 2/3 then put them on their own seat with a seatbelt. This is better than nothing. Obviously a proper car seat is best if you have access to one. But don't put a child and adult in the same belt.

Thewizardbinbag · 20/08/2023 21:52

Why are you taking so much luggage? And changing bags and handbags? Hangdbags go in your case, you use your hand luggage as a “handbag”. Just a rucksack with everything you need, including changing stuff.

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 21:52

screentimehelpplease · 20/08/2023 21:50

Plus OP you won't need 3 suitcases plus a trunki. You should be able to fit yours and your DCs clothes into one case + Trunki. And why two prams? 1 pram plus a sling would work (I took a 14 week old plus 2yo to Lanzarote many years ago)

3 suitcases is one suitcase per adult.

pamplemoussemousse · 20/08/2023 21:53

@NannyR that's interesting, I've never been on a coach transfer abroad with seatbelts! I stand corrected.

I still wouldn't take car seats though.

Bruisername · 20/08/2023 21:53

There’s only 2 adults

i would definitely take less luggage and dump the trunki.

StressedToDeathhhh · 20/08/2023 21:54

Car seat won't work on a coach transfer for the reasons already given. I always get a private transfer and hire rear facing car seats for it, my ex thought that was insane but I'm happy to spend the money for them to be safer and me to feel less anxious.

In reality what you're suggesting is fine and probably what most people would do. I wouldnt judge at all - babies don't have car seats on buses do they and I've got buses before. I'm just extra anxious about car seats

pecanpie101 · 20/08/2023 21:55

I've never taken a car seat on holiday. Doubt you would get one on a coach. The baby will be on your lap and the older one on a seat with a belt on.
Like pp has said scrap the changing bag and handbag on the plane just take a back pack instead.

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 21:55

Ok I misread, I thought it was mum and dad and OP

Well 2 suitcases then yes and if people are saying trunkis are a bit of a waste of time then that could go as well

I personally always have a handbag and handluggage

2chocolateoranges · 20/08/2023 21:55

Forget the car seats but definitely take 2 buggies. We went on holiday with a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old and only took one buggy which we regretted. The heat wiped the eldest out who wanted to sleep during the day and we ended up having to carry one of the children..

pamplemoussemousse · 20/08/2023 21:56

StressedToDeathhhh · 20/08/2023 21:54

Car seat won't work on a coach transfer for the reasons already given. I always get a private transfer and hire rear facing car seats for it, my ex thought that was insane but I'm happy to spend the money for them to be safer and me to feel less anxious.

In reality what you're suggesting is fine and probably what most people would do. I wouldnt judge at all - babies don't have car seats on buses do they and I've got buses before. I'm just extra anxious about car seats

I've done private transfer before and they've provided car seats, this could be a compromise for the op if her DH continues to insist on them.

As I said in a previous post, would he take a car seat on a bus? Train? To me a coach is the same thing.

110APiccadilly · 20/08/2023 21:58

I'd take a buggy and a sling rather than 2 buggies I think (unless the baby's massive for his age).

And I wouldn't take car seats. I take my baby and toddler without them on buses, is there really any difference?

welshweasel · 20/08/2023 22:02

Yes I'd take car seats, and I wouldn't go on a coach transfer. I'd book a private transfer/taxi and use my own car seats. Your baby won't get a seat on the coach so you'll have to hold them. In a crash they would become a projectile. I have no idea why people risk it.

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 22:03

I would definitely take the 2 buggies

pamplemoussemousse · 20/08/2023 22:03

welshweasel · 20/08/2023 22:02

Yes I'd take car seats, and I wouldn't go on a coach transfer. I'd book a private transfer/taxi and use my own car seats. Your baby won't get a seat on the coach so you'll have to hold them. In a crash they would become a projectile. I have no idea why people risk it.

I assume you've never been on a bus or a train?

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 22:04

welshweasel · 20/08/2023 22:02

Yes I'd take car seats, and I wouldn't go on a coach transfer. I'd book a private transfer/taxi and use my own car seats. Your baby won't get a seat on the coach so you'll have to hold them. In a crash they would become a projectile. I have no idea why people risk it.

Do you never travel by bus?

Croissantsandpistachio · 20/08/2023 22:05

If the coach does have 3 point belts and your 3yo is big enough you would put them in a booster using the belt, we have one of these https://www.boots.com/mifold for similar scenarios. I think they also make a hi backed booster that folds very small. But personally I wouldn't bother for a coach, you wouldn't for a bus. If it's only a 15 minute transfer you're unlikely to be going very fast either.

But please don't put the belt around you and the baby!

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BakewellGin1 · 20/08/2023 22:05

The one single time we took one I wished I hadn't as it didn't sit right on coach or mini bus so ended up not being able to use it.

Also as an infant DS didn't have an allocated seat on plane or coach.

Personally I take one change bag/hand luggage case for both DC with a change of clothes each, baby wipes, snacks, change of underwear/nappies and nappy bags etc and a small backpack for toddler rather then a trunki which is a pain in the arse. For myself I have a cross body bag which holds passports, tickets, lip balm and wipes. I would only take two pushchairs if oldest uses regularly otherwise just one for baby as you may end up with a hand holding/walking toddler and a buggy to wrestle with.

I would probably try and condense to two cases as two adults for two children, two buggies, three suitcases a trunki and four carry on bags seems a lot to manage

Shoemadlady · 20/08/2023 22:08

Do you have a car seat that clicks onto a pushchair frame? Why not take one of those for little one as it kills two birds with one stone and then take a booster car seat for the older child?

StillWantingADog · 20/08/2023 22:08

There won’t necessarily be a seat free on the coach for a baby anyway. As is the case on the plane, you just hold them.

it will be possible to get a private transfer with car seats so I’d suggest your dh arranges and pays for that.

StampOnTheGround · 20/08/2023 22:08

We've got a much longer coach transfer with DS who will be 17 months. Hadn't considered taking the car seat as he'll just be sat on our laps like on the plane. I don't think they would even fit on the coach!

I've seen all age children on coach transfers and I have never once seen a car seat, this is over many years and many holidays!

Wenfy · 20/08/2023 22:08

Only car seat travel system for baby (no pushchair attachment). Light weight collapsible pushchair for the toddler. In Lanzarote taxis don’t always have isofix - so you will need a seat that straps into using a seatbelt. Best to hire one there

StillWantingADog · 20/08/2023 22:10

The one single time we took one I wished I hadn't as it didn't sit right on coach or mini bus so ended up not being able to use it.
👆

welshweasel · 20/08/2023 22:11

@pamplemoussemousse buses travel at slow speeds in built up areas, trains are far safer than road travel.

I've been on coaches in the UK and always used a car seat. Many transfers abroad are on fast roads, in countries with dubious road safety.

Croissantsandpistachio · 20/08/2023 22:11

I'd do- wheel suitcase each for you and your mum with kids clothes split between, baby in sling, pushchair and a backpack for the plane. Take a buggy you can push with one hand so you can pull case. Or the alternative (which I used to do on solo train journeys)- big backpack with clothes, toddler in buggy, baby in sling and daybag that fits under buggy or handles. Voila! Hands free. Take a tube of travel wash, you can rinse clothes through if needed.

rhino12345 · 20/08/2023 22:12

You can get a great car seat bag off Amazon that is a backpack. We use them and i can manage (just about!) two car seats, a pram, luggage and youngest in a baby carrier 😂