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Original poster

Mozhe IS NOT going back to work next week after all......

818 replies

mozhe · 16/07/2007 13:36

.....no, have decided to delay it by a week or so......Mr Mozhe is on 'incubator watching' duties....P-in-L's are manning the home front,( and DSsX3...), with nice new aupair....and Mozhe,Nanny and DTs are off to St Barts,( in lovely Carribean...),for a week's sun/swim/chill out !!
Any one been before ? Any pointers ? Off first thing tomorrow......

OP posts:
jajas · 16/07/2007 23:20

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electra · 16/07/2007 23:20

Er, I find it odd that so many people feel they have the right to be so judgemental about this. Whatever you may think it's not really anyone's business if mozhe decides to go away...or am I missing something?

KerryMumbledore · 16/07/2007 23:20

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AugustusRookWhooosh · 16/07/2007 23:21

Crunchie-a sensible post from someone who has walked in her shoes....

oranges · 16/07/2007 23:21

So glad you posted crunchie.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:21

Bravo, crunchie.

Tortington · 16/07/2007 23:22

i don't know what you mean - gone back to work out of choice?

not being faceatious - just thick - please explain - is it something to do with

crunchie = heartbreak
mozhe = not wanting to be near the kid?

Tortington · 16/07/2007 23:22

yes kerry and crunchie gave an alternative view - in way of explaination.

StarryStarryNight · 16/07/2007 23:23

Very well said, Crunchie.

MintyDixCharrington · 16/07/2007 23:24

yes but crunchie - had your baby's heart stopped, or had he got an infection, or had he been diagnosed with a heart defect, or one of the many many things that can happen to 27weekers - would you have wanted to have come into the hospital and be involved and consulted about his care, or would you have wanted to be 3,000 miles and 10 hours flight away?

THAT is the issue, I think, for me anyway. Not that she isn't by his bed, not that he needs to smell her or that she won't bond with him (neither of which I believe) - but that IF something happens she CAN'T be there.

That is the difference, for me.

mummytosteven · 16/07/2007 23:25

very good post Crunchie. I had a relatively "normal" birth and experience with DS, and I found the hospital environment highly stressful, couldn't get into things properly till we got home.

crunchie · 16/07/2007 23:26

yes kerry and those were there ones who looked at me as if I were dirt when I did go in, it was other sodding mothers who were on their high horses about it all, judging me and finding me failing as a mother. That is my whole point.

TBH if I had had other kids and the £££ mozhe had, who knows I may have been in St Barts.

I seem to rememebr I did go home and didn't see dd for about 36 hrs when she was about a week old. IIRC I saw her for 5 mins in teh 1st 24 hrs, about 10 mins the next day etc etc.

You lot should really get over yourselves and your jealousy, the OP was asking about a shagging holiday, not asking your approval

HermionesPatronus · 16/07/2007 23:27

jealousy?

ladylush · 16/07/2007 23:28

I can imagine it crunchie - the bastards

crunchie · 16/07/2007 23:28

custy I don't see the difference between me and Mozhe, only she had more £££ and other kids.

We all know she is yor ultimate working mum, like Xenia. That is what is right for her. This I truely think is her way of coping.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 23:29

K, I can see Dix-Carrington's point, too.

Trying to see all sides.

My DD1 is SN. I think, 'Well, that's my lot. Stick with it. I knew there were no guarantees in this.'

jajas · 16/07/2007 23:29

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crunchie · 16/07/2007 23:32

Minty yes that could have happened, but I can promise you 100 days hanging over a cot/incubator feeling 100% incompetant is also not my idea of fun.

Once my dd had got through the first 2 week, it simply was a watch her grow period, there was NOTHING I could do. All the scan, all the tests were fine, she just needed to grow.

Anyway I will let some of you judge, her and possibly me. But some of you have met me and knwo I am not the cruel heartless person you think I might be. My way of dealing with issues is 100% denial, that is how I do it, it works for me. I don't pour out all the crap I have no need, I deal with it and move on. And if I can't deal with it, I ignore

MintyDixCharrington · 16/07/2007 23:42

nobody thinks you are cruel and heartless crunchie - I have a friend who had a 27 weeker and then a 28 weeker 13 months later so I know what sitting around in NICU is like. She did a lot less of it for the second than she did for the first, I can tell you!
I still think that taking the risk of being so far away at such an early stage is, IMO, a mistake.

KerryMumbledore · 16/07/2007 23:50

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruty · 16/07/2007 23:54

gosh mozhe I'm absolutely stunned that you talk about this situation as you do and say that you are a psychologist. I find that really strange. But good luck and hope your baby is fine.

nappyaddict · 16/07/2007 23:58

i thought you weren't meant to exercise for 6 weeks until after the birth but if her obs has said it's ok it must be.

i agree with the what will you do if something happens. with preemies things can happen unexpectedly as you said in your brith announcement thread

"Yes refreshments are ace.....and general pampering of maman !!! I could get used to that...
Other things are strange,( like the photos...), also a baby died on the unit yesterday evening,( very ....it was expected as far as I could gather..)and the nursing staff went round all the cots,( incubators..), covering them up ! When I asked why,( sensitively I hope...I was genuinely puzzled ), they said it was ' to protect the privacy of the family'....I didn't understand at all..from other prem newborns ? The other parents were milling around still....maybe thought the sight of a living baby would be too distressing ?? Don't know...Am off to buy some nice flowers for the poor parents now...
Sorry if tmi....it was puzzling that's all
Tristan is fine this am "

what if that was tristan and you were away sunning yourself?

i had the option when ds was 5 weeks old to go on holiday and leave him behind. i took him of course and he was term and healthy (well 38 weeks)

a year on i have had the same option. i am going to greece and leaving him behind for a week. i feel fine in doing this. i left him for 10 days when he was 3 months old but i was in the same country and only 2 hours away.

however she won't have dripping milk as someone said cos she is still breastfeeding. aren't you bleeding still though?

AugustusRookWhooosh · 17/07/2007 00:11

But HC-with a baby that early ,that small and fragile,there is little more than watching that a parent can do surely-he also didn'thave 9mts to bond inside.

Not excusingthe decision,just trying to be balanced...

BBBBasilisk · 17/07/2007 00:22

I can't understand the original poster - and that is where my opinion stops.

Lots of people jumping on here in a big 'what kind of mother are you?' way but the answer is we don't know what kind of mother she is - having read crunchie's well put post I have realised that I have no idea what she is going through and if this is going to get her through then so be it.

I also have the foresight to see that a bit of slagging off on an internet forum is not going to change her actions just make it worse.

IMO she should not go away and she should seek medical help - but am able to see that that is just MO

nappyaddict · 17/07/2007 02:34

i could maybe just about maybe understand going on holiday and leaving a month old healthy baby, but not one that is in hospital and isn't even 3 weeks old yet.