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Original poster

Mozhe IS NOT going back to work next week after all......

818 replies

mozhe · 16/07/2007 13:36

.....no, have decided to delay it by a week or so......Mr Mozhe is on 'incubator watching' duties....P-in-L's are manning the home front,( and DSsX3...), with nice new aupair....and Mozhe,Nanny and DTs are off to St Barts,( in lovely Carribean...),for a week's sun/swim/chill out !!
Any one been before ? Any pointers ? Off first thing tomorrow......

OP posts:
eleusis · 17/07/2007 08:27

So, how come no one has commented about the father who wasn't there the frist two weeks but is there the third week while Mozhe runs off to the beach.

Is he a cold unfit father because of his first two weeks away? Yet, Mozhe is accused not being "normal" at her one week away. She has posted several times that he is doing well, they hospital is confident he will continue to do so, and so is she. They are not expecting problems. She said earlier on this thread that the hospital said if something was going to go wrong it probably would have by now.

There are some really mean spirited comments on this thread. Won't be surprised if this thread escalates further and gets deleted.

ladylush · 17/07/2007 08:31

Cos everyone is ignoring the father bit.

ladylush · 17/07/2007 08:34

Honestly - my ds was just as bonded with his dad in the first weeks of birth as he was with me (and I was bf too). I have plenty of pics of them snuggled together. When I was pg dh used to talk to him through my bump and I'm not sure if that made a difference but he sure is v close to his dad. Infact he walks past me to cuddle his dad (which makes me a bit sad sometimes, but I am equally v pleased that they have this bond).

TranquilaManana · 17/07/2007 08:47

i think the incredibly rude and nasty posters on here should eb ashamed of themselves.

your post was excellent crunchie.

DoubleBluff · 17/07/2007 09:00

Crunchie well put post.
I won't hug you, but very heartfelt.
Unless you are that person who are we to judge.
Everyone copes in different ways.
Would not be surprised if Mozhe never comes back to MN again.
Talk about a witch hunt.

margoandjerry · 17/07/2007 09:17

Great post crunchie.

I have never seen any of Xenia's posts but the way some of you talk about her makes me think I'd like her - a lot.

mrsmalaprop · 17/07/2007 09:22

Crunchie -

If you read my post from way below, you will know that I felt exactly the same way. People always assume they know how you must be feeling. Friends, family, doctors and nurses kept saying 'you just must want to be with your baby and isn't it awful that you can't be there all the time', but I didn't feel like that. I didn't really feel much at all. I was terrified he was going to die. I was fed up of being on SCBU watching a little lump in a box (maybe heartless, but how I felt)and being scrutinised by the staff in case I wasn't spending enough time there, or wasn't producing enough milk...etc.

It is so easy to say that you would bond with your baby and feel instantly maternal and wouldn't want to tear yourself away, but until it happens and you have all of your maternal instincts denied because you can't touch them, feed them or care for them, you can't know how you would react.

...not that I would have gone on holiday...

Peachy · 17/07/2007 09:34

Crunchie thats pretty how my sister reacted (all 3 sisters in our family got pre-eclampsia btw, sister premature but ok; one sister developed it on her due date so was ok; I was 2 weeks early but we've beeen told the problems could be a contributory to ds1's SN- he ahd IUGR, had lost 1lb in utero at elast).

I think even if people think its not what they would choose, its one of those extreme situations where what is happening in poor Mozhe's life is so traumatic that only she can really work out how to handle it for her family and herself.

My only real concern for Mozhe is how she'd feel long term idf something did go wrong and she was too far way, but then only she can answer that.

margoandjerry · 17/07/2007 09:35

Mrsmalaprop, I read your post too and thought it was excellent.

My daughter didn't have any of the problems you describe but she was a little premature and just slept for 2 months. I didn't bond with her - was terrified there was something wrong with her. I bonded with her when she emerged from her sleep at 3 months and became a person instead of a tiny scrap of nothing. Again, this is not what some people feel but it's what I felt.

I couldn't have gone on hols but that's because I was too neurotic to do anything but read books on development and obsess.

I'm glad you and crunchie posted.

edam · 17/07/2007 09:42

Crunchie and Mrs Malaprop, great posts.

When I visited a SCBU there were only a couple of mothers there. Didn't occur to me for one second to question where the others were - why would it?

Enid · 17/07/2007 09:52

Minty has hit the nail on the head IMO

FillydoraTonks · 17/07/2007 10:06

this is a very odd thread

I can't get my head round it really

If mohze is really buggering off to the carribean and leaving a 3 week old, premature baby in hospital-good luck to her really.

Its a VERY odd thing to post on MN

lljkk · 17/07/2007 10:17

Mozhe was drinking more than 14 units a week when PG with Tristan (see her post).
I have no opinion on her stated desire to jet off right now (other than she's mad to risk horrible jetlag with toddlers), but on that level of drinking while PG:

compo · 17/07/2007 10:21

she doesnt say when pregnant though

chocolatedot · 17/07/2007 10:23

Agree Enid.

lljkk · 17/07/2007 10:24

I suppose it could be a general statement, not meant to apply when she posted. But certainly applying when she concevied Tristan, one assumes. I suppose nothing could dent her fertility, though.

meowmix · 17/07/2007 10:26

am i the only one impressed that Mozhe can handle a complex task like packing so soon after birth? would have been utterly beyond me!

Her choice, her decision, her right. If her DH was going too then I'd have big issues. It wouldn't be right for me being a worry-wort but if Mozhe is comfortable with it then thats her choice.

edam · 17/07/2007 10:27

'one assumes'. And there is NO requirement for women to stop drinking before conception - some people may choose to but it doesn't mean anyone who doesn't is evil, fgs. Otherwise there would be a sharp drop in the birth rate, given how many babies are conceived after a drunken night out!

Don't like witch-hunts. Which is what digging up old posts and pretending they amount to heavy drinking during pregnancy is.

Meeely2 · 17/07/2007 10:32

OK Mozhe has already left for the carribean, so this thread really has no point anymore, like we all said she wasn't after approval from us (was she gloating perhaps?)

I think my main concern was the fact that she did not appear to be overly stressed or traumatised. She wasn't posting in floods of tears tearing her hair out and then someone offered a holiday so she took it. She seems like a very well balanced well together lady to me, which makes the holiday choice even stranger.

Ah well, she'll be on a plane with two screaming kids right now, where would we rather be?

compo · 17/07/2007 10:33

totally agree with Edam

collision · 17/07/2007 10:35

I am shocked at this thread.

I think I am more shocked at the attitude of the OP than the actions she is taking (as we speak she is on a plane! )

ds1 was 5 weeks early, in SCBU for 2 weeks, and I can honestly say there is nowhere else I would have wanted to be than next to him. He was never in any danger but I just wanted to be with him and look at him and bond with him.

DH went to work as normal and we spent the evenings together as a family.

Even if I had had other children, an aupair and a nanny, I would never have even countenanced the thought of going abroad, to town shopping or home for dinner.

I wanted to be with my baby.

I really hope baby Tristan is OK and that he grows up to be a beautiful little boy but I think your actions are a mistake.

LieselVentouse · 17/07/2007 10:38

To make matters worse she called him Tristan

suzywong · 17/07/2007 10:39

OH LV!
You're terrible, Muriel.

GreengottsTheGoblinBank · 17/07/2007 10:40

I think this thread is so, so shit.

lljkk · 17/07/2007 10:44

I was looking for something else, Edam.
There are a lot of studies which suggest reduced fertility among those who drink alcohol while TTC. I just find Mozhe's level of fertility quite incredible.