Mozhe IS NOT going back to work next week after all......

[mozhe]

.....no, have decided to delay it by a week or so......Mr Mozhe is on 'incubator watching' duties....P-in-L's are manning the home front,( and DSsX3...), with nice new aupair....and Mozhe,Nanny and DTs are off to St Barts,( in lovely Carribean...),for a week's sun/swim/chill out !!
Any one been before ? Any pointers ? Off first thing tomorrow......

Well, geez, I had them because I wanted to. Because I loved them even before they were born. I loved just the idea of them.

And I was too fucking poor to stay home with them. With a disabled husband and now, a disabled child.

Woe is me, yeah right!

FFS. No one knows someone's true situation! Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she's up to her arse in debt. Etc., etc.

Get a damn life! The kid's loved and well-cared for.

Why isn't that enough?

Such a shame-based culture. What's with that?

She's not going on a hedonistic clubbing extravaganza to Ibiza is she. She's taking her twins, whom she is still breast feeding.

Exactly, soph. It's so sexist it's not true.

DH stayed home with our two girls. Still does during the day, for now.

no I disagree with that madamez. the effect is the same.
I don't really much care about mohze, and what she chooses to do. I care about the baby though.
and of course there is a moral difference in your example. if there is a deleterious effect on the baby (or a risk there might be), then if there is no alternative then of course the mother must be massively supported in every way.
if the deleterious effect is being risked because the mother wants to go off and enjoy herself, for a week in St Barts hypothetically of course well then that is their choice but I don't really see why I should applaud her.
the first six weeks of life are really very crucial. postnatal women need masses of support and help. I am not sure that includes a free trip sans baby to the Caribbean though. call me a misreable old killjoy

my girl was took away when she was born to scbu. i took her brother home. for obvious reasons i couldnt spend too much time in hospital becuase i had another baby - ad at that time i was told to keep him away from potentially week babies - for fear of infection etc.

needless to say my daughter is not completely fucked up becuase i wasn't at her side for two weeks.

I'm not reading the criticism or lack of understanding for the decision made by M as representing that fathers count for "jack shit". Nope, I'm just not seeing it.

Might go to bed instead of trying.

Ah, so that is so very different is it ladylush? I don't see the difference at all.

Quite the contrary, custy. She's probably got more of her feet on the ground than most!

it isn't really sexism to say that new born babies need their mothers. that's just truth and reality.
if the mother can't be there for some reason, then the baby needs one adult focussed on his needs. that is second best but that person must do more than just watch the baby.
come on, this isn't misogyny, this is just reality. unpalatable maybe.

Don't you? Hmm, that's interesting.

SOphable: so everyone whose mother was unable to be with them 24/7 for the first few weeks/months of their lives is going to have lasting problems, no matter how good the care they got in their mother's absense? I think not.

You know, you (all of you, not just Soph) may not realise it, but you're effectively telling everyone who adopts. or has their LO adopted, or who spent part of their post-partum time in a coma or something, that their DCs are irrevocably damaged. Or do you think that newborns are so In Touch With Ancient Wisdom or some such crap that they actually know whether or not Mummy is away because she's being selfish?

Madamez what a croc of shite!

Of course if a women through circs beyond her control had to leave a baby then folk would try to be nice about it.

As you point out the key word is enjoy. Lots of us think it is strange (or untrue) that a parent could enjoy themselves whilst leaving their extremely premature baby.

I'm so glad I've got an HV, paed, and therapists who see how life is for most working mums.

For I'd reckon 80% of us, this is NOT some damn choice!

And it has nothing to do with a big mortgage, or wanting the latest gadgets or foreign holidays or anything besides food on the table, the rent paid and the bailiffs away from the door.

So get off the high horses, people and thank your lucky stars you had a choice to make that wasn't Carer's Allowance.

agree beachcomber she is talking through her arse

Beachcomber: but that's the whole point - no one is forcing you to do it, but why assume that the way you react to things is either universal or automatically morally superior?

hmmm. if this is all true, I'm starting to feel a sneaking sympathy for Mozhe - I know that when DS was a newborn, certain of the mws disapproved of me - in my shell shocked way I would traipse off the ward to the shop to buy a paper etc, or go for a shower, without waiting for S to be asleep and was a bit detached. I found the whole hospital setting very alienating.

I don't think there is any comparison here with people who can't be with their babies. I think what many of us don't understand is why you want to be apart from your premature newborn.

OK I am reading some of these, not all and although I can see some of your points, I feel I have ot make some of my own.

My PFB was born at 27 weeks, I did not, could not hang over her cot all day and every day like others did. I popped in twice a day, maybe an hour each time. I couldn't do much more, in hindsight it was my coping mechanism, my way of not bonding in case, my way of sticking my head in teh sand. Now until you have been there you cannot say how you will feel. I would be on that plane to St barts with Mozhe.

You all see 'incubator watching' is crue and thay any mother to leave their child for a minute is cruel, and HOW can she do it. Well I never felt DD1 was mine until I got her home. I was not needed, I couldn't do any more for her, indeed my body went 'wrong' and couldn't carry her, and it nearly killed us both. Can some of you not understand what she is doing?? She is distancing herself, yes, think for a second, why???

Do you know what I spent 3 months doing while dd was in hospital?? I went to the cinema, theatre, did the garden, went cycling, swimming, ANYTHING which kept me away from the horrible place that was where my dd was, please before you slag her off, walk one step in her shoes.

I rarely EVER get emotional about the stuff I read here on MN but I am just so very very sad, it is opinions like you lot all had that could have really spiralled me into depression if I wasn't the sort of person I am. I have always blamed myself (and please don't patronise me and say I wasn't to blame, big fucking hugs) in some way I was to blame, noot intentionally mind, but MY BODY didn't work properly, MY BODY got pre-eclampsia, so I think I have every right to blame myself. 8 years on I am well over it, BUT I WAS IN TOTAL DENIAL for those three months, I wasn't really a mother. Mozhe is doing what she can, sepnding time with her other kids, she is right, she cannot DO anything for the baby, that is the point. She needs this time, fucking let her have it.

i rather think she is nurturing her relationship with the twins whom she is still breastfeeding. albeit in a reallly really nice location.

I think its lovely that she has the money to do that. i would have loved to have taken my older son away somewhere on my own at the time.

Excellent post crunchie

good post crunchie

"Beachcomber: but that's the whole point - no one is forcing you to do it, but why assume that the way you react to things is either universal or automatically morally superior?"

I don't assume either of these things Madamez.

Well, that's gone quiet hasn't it!

Oh, no it hasn't.

your post it good crunchie and i take on board your hertfelt comments

i just dont actually believe mozhe

if i did believe her i would remember that had baby Tristan been born full term she would still have gone back to work when hw was 2 weeks old

out of choice