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Original poster

Should I travel when my wife is in the early stages of pregnancy?

29 replies

djcatshow · 17/01/2015 22:04

Good evening,

I just need some advice because I can´t decide on what to do. I am a man who needs some non-family and friends female advice because its "my" first pregnancy. The sequence of events:

Me and three other friends booked and planned for a motorbike tour through Vietnam around a year ago. Everything is sorted, including stays, equipment and vaccinations that should make me immune to meteor strikes....

Planned trip was from end of February to first week of March.

My wife just got pregnant (three weeks into pregnancy according to doctor - we just did an ultra-sound abroad in her home country).

Wife insists that I should go. My mum insists that I am an irresponsible idiot if I do.

I don´t feel like going, but I can´t get any of the money back other then the airport tax...I might be able to transfer the flights to a year from now, but I feel even less like going when the baby is just two or three months old.

Ladies, my questions to you is:

IF I go, would you think that its less bad to be away at the very early stages of pregnancy or when the baby is two or three months? I understand that the first weeks can be terrible.

If your respective husbands were in my situation, would you think of him as irresponsible if he goes away on an expensive, pre-planned trip?

Is it a good idea to go at all?

Of course my priorities are clear, I love my wife and the baby and if there is the slightest chance that I am needed, I will stay. The only way I am going is if there is nothing I could do to make her life better or the baby safer.

Thanks for your help!

OP posts:

Nolim · 17/01/2015 22:07

Your help will be invaluable once the baby is born. Now not so much.

Waterandtea · 17/01/2015 22:09

I would prefer my dh to be away at a v early stage of pregnancy than with a 2-3mth old. All I wanted to do in the early months of pg was sleep anyway.

tilbatilba · 17/01/2015 22:11

If your wife is happy about you going now then go ....you will be far more useful later !

BIWI · 17/01/2015 22:12

If she's only just pregnant, then I really can't see any reason why you shouldn't go. And if your wife is happy for you to go, then I really can't see what the problem is. This is something that's between you and her to agree. It's nothing to do with your mum!

If it was a trip that was going to coincide with the end of her pregnancy, i.e so you might miss the birth, then I would agree with your mum.

However, I'm guessing that your mum is thinking about 'what if' - what if your wife loses the baby? The first 12-14 weeks of a pregnancy are the critical ones. Have you talked with your wife about this? If you have, and she's still happy for you to go, then go.

My DH went skiing when I was in the early stages of pregnancy. We knew when he booked the holiday that I was pregnant, but I found out whilst he was away that I had experienced a missed miscarriage. It was not nice finding that out while he was away, but (being practical) there wasn't anything he could have done to make anything any different.

It all depends on how your wife feels. In my case, I knew I was going for a scan while my DH was away, and I took one of my close friends with me.

If your wife is happy for you to be away, then I'd say 'go'

Rivercam · 17/01/2015 22:12

If your wife is in good health, and gives her consent, then go. Life doesn't stop when someone becomes pregnant. It'll be a real holiday of a lifetime, and something to look back on before your life changes with a baby.

Congratulations, by the way on your wife's pregnancy.

Wigeon · 17/01/2015 22:13

You should go now. You definitely shouldn't go when the baby is 2-3 months. Although much more importantly than what I think, your wife also thinks you should go

In what way does your mother think you shouldn't go?

The only thing I can think of is the risk of miscarriage (how many weeks will she be while you are away?) - does she have good friends/ family nearby?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 17/01/2015 22:14

I really can't see any reason not to go if your wife is happy.

Sometimes early pregnancy is very emotional and stressful and, if your wife was saying she'd find it hard to be left alone I'd see how you'd consider not going.

If she is ok with you going, go. In the nicest possible way, there is nothing you can do at the moment. You're a darn sight more useful once the baby is here

Pico2 · 17/01/2015 22:15

I'd be more concerned about motorbiking in Vietnam than about your wife being pregnant.

threepiecesuite · 17/01/2015 22:19

Yeah, go.
DP went on a lads holiday to Ibiza when I was newly pregnant. He figured it was his last chance (he was right).
I slept round the clock for a week. It was bliss.

WorkingBling · 17/01/2015 22:21

It wouldn't even have occurred to me to have an issue with dh going on a ore planned trip when I was in early stages of pregnancy.

Ofcourse there's the miscarriage risk but I wouldn't have been living my life on that basis. And in a truly worst case scenario you could come home.

Go. Enjoy it. Realise it's your last such trip for a loooong time!

Original poster

djcatshow · 17/01/2015 22:24

Wow, I am overwhelmed by all the responses and in such short time. Thank you all.

My mother apparently did not have a good time during the first few weeks of pregnancy both with me and my sister. She felt really sick and my dad had to come home from work a few times. Like my wife, she didn´t have family or close friends nearby unfortunately.

OP posts:

Ubik1 · 17/01/2015 22:28

Just go.

Lucky sod.

Floppityflop · 17/01/2015 22:28

Difficult one. If I was in her position I would probably also rather you went as it was obviously something you'd been planning for a while an not cheap, sort of a once in a lifetime trip maybe? BUT the first 12 weeks are critical and I was away from my now DH when I had a miscarriage. It was quite a lonely time for me (entirely my fault!). However, you just can't live your life thinking what might go wrong, you'll drive yourself mad! It will be an amazing trip and your wife wants you to go, so enjoy! It will be your last hurrah!

nobutreally · 17/01/2015 22:30

I would say it's 100% better to go in early pg than when the baby is 2-3 months old. Then your wife will need all the help & support you can give - and you will have a wonderful, sleepless baby to snuggle.

Now, I'm going to give you worst case scenario. I had bleeding throughout my early pg, and if dh had been away, it would have been awful - for both of us. But, I'd rather have coped with that alone, than loose him when ds was 2-3 months old. I would talk to your wife about what happens/staying in contact if anything does go wrong. Assuming you can stay in touch reasonably regularly (?), you just get home as soon as you can - make sure you've got the option to do that, anyway.

And, worth learning at this stage - if your mum and your wife have different opinions... listen to your wife

Good luck - with the trip & the baby!

SavoyCabbage · 17/01/2015 22:32

You want to go, your wife wants you to go. Go!

ApplesTheHare · 17/01/2015 22:34

I didn't mind DH being away during pregnancy. Unless you have something like severe sickness in early pregnancy everything is pretty much normal. Would be much worse for her if you went when she'd be left with a young baby. Hope you enjoy it if you go

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 17/01/2015 22:36

Yes yes yes to Nobut. Your wife is the one you side with now. Always.

NeedABumChange · 17/01/2015 22:38

Go now. She's newly pregnant not newly blind or disabled, I'm sure she's capable of looking after herself for a couple of weeks. Enjoy it sounds an amazing trip but try and Skype everyday, they have wifi everywhere in SE Asia.

nobutreally · 17/01/2015 22:41

penguins. I totally get, OP, that in this situation your mum is projecting in order to look after your wife/from a place of love - but different women have different priorities - and your wife has made her opinion clear. I suspect your mum wouldn't want you to go away when your wife had a little baby either (unless she's planning to come & stay to 'help' and get extra cuddles!)

Mintyy · 17/01/2015 22:41

My dh was out of the country with work from weeks 7-12 of my first pregnancy.

At week 5 we had acquired a young kitten who (obviously) needed a lot of looking after and a litter tray to clean out every day. But I still managed that. I was working full time and suffering from fairly unpleasant all-day nausea.

If you had other children my advice would be to stay at home. But, unfortunately, you can't alleviate her early-pg symptoms, and she might just feel a tiny bit relieved that you aren't there faffing around her.

AlpacaMyBags · 17/01/2015 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

djcatshow · 17/01/2015 22:44

I have no words for all your answers, thank you. Why do I have to wait a day or two for a reply when I post in a bike forum? :-D

So far its 15 - 10 (mum counts for ten) for me going...plus the wife (counts for 11 :-) )

Love my mum, I know her experience was not the best but in practical terms I can´t do much and yeah, I do a lot of biking a lot and for years but not in Vietnam. I think I´ll go.

OP posts:

letsplaynice · 17/01/2015 22:54

Go, go, go!! Leave her with a few treats, flowers delivered once your away, online shop booked with nice things, massage, what ever she would like.

ApplesTheHare · 17/01/2015 23:06

Yay for going and bring the wife back a lovely present!

Bugsylugs · 17/01/2015 23:07

Go. I had one easy pregnancy lots of miscarriages but I would definitely have wanted DH to go on a trip he had planned. There is not much you could do she will be able to please herself completely whilst you are away. Only thing I would like would be meals in the freezer I could just heat up. I am rubbish at cooking for just me and secondly early on I could not bear the smell of cooking but could eat ok. So make sure freezer stocked.
Secondly hope you have had hep b vaccine and poss rabies supplies poor

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