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Original poster

Do I have to go on holiday with MIL for her 50th?!

92 replies

Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 20:47

MIL is 50 next June and my 2nd baby will be due in February. Still early days pregnancy wise but I still want to look ahead to this.

FIL is planning a surprise trip for MIL for her 50th including all the family. He's suggesting somewhere like Bermuda or the Bahamas which will cost a fair bit of money for a luxury holiday - we're in England.

The point I'm trying to make to DP is, how practical is it for me to go away with a 3 year old and a 3/4 month old on a long haul flight? I'll have no help and I won't be able to enjoy the holiday. In my view, after spending close to £2k on a holiday where I won't be able to sit in the sun or drink merrily, it will be pretty pointless and disappointing for me. DP has said it will be rude of me to stay at home. Am I being really negative? I know it's ages away but it's really got my goat Hmm

OP posts:
isitsnowingyet · 18/06/2014 20:55

Yes you are being really negative. Would you have all the family there to help with child care? Or perhaps they don't help?

rollonthesummer · 18/06/2014 20:57

Do you get on with your in laws? Do you have £2k spare?

isitsnowingyet · 18/06/2014 20:57

I've just said that really because a holiday in Bermuda sounds fab. But perhpas on second thoughts, not with a 4 month old baby, particularly if you're having to stump up the £2000... Then again, you might enjoy it?

PrimalLass · 18/06/2014 20:57

Won't DP help? If not - I wouldn't go either.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/06/2014 21:00

I think the thing you should be focusing on is the "I will have no help" bit. Why not? With half of your DC's family there?

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 18/06/2014 21:03

2k sounds like a very low amount for a family holiday to Bermuda or the Bahamas.

Bowlersarm · 18/06/2014 21:03

You are being really negative.

Can you afford it?

We had some lovely family holidays when our DC were babies. They were great, with all those extra pairs of hands about.

camtt · 18/06/2014 21:07

I think your DH at least will have to go - and then you will certainly lack his help, don't know if you have any other help to hand, so that would be worth considering. I think I would have been happy to go. A baby is quite portable, the older child will have fun and I would think you don't have to do a whole lot while you are there.

RunnerHasbeen · 18/06/2014 21:10

I'm assuming your being there is more important than the location. Can you talk to your FIL, saying you would prefer somewhere closer, Italy perhaps? If it is too expensive, tell him, don't just refuse to go. I'm assuming that you are close enough to have these conversations if they want you at an important birthday holiday

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 18/06/2014 21:12

I also thought asking if they would consider a short haul destination.

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/06/2014 21:13

I'm with you - I couldn't abide a hot holiday like that and with two kids, one of whom you will be spending 90% of the time feeding, changing and sleeping...pointless holiday IMHO.

Ragwort · 18/06/2014 21:13

Am I the only one who is shocked at a MIL of 50 - esp. as I am 56 with a 13 year old Grin.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 18/06/2014 21:16

Ragwort I'm 45 with a 25 year old so no I didn't find a 50 year old having a DIL shocking.

Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:16

Thanks everyone for your comments!

I don't have £2000 to spare right now but I could probably save for it by June next year. It just seems a lot to spend when I won't be getting the most out that spend if that makes sense?

I'm sorry to be negative it's just I won't have help from DP, he admittedly has said he would rather sit in the sun and enjoy his holiday. The in laws would help occasionally which would of course be appreciated but I also can't stand the thought of being on a long haul flight trying to manage both children plus doing bottles etc. there will also be x2 2 year olds so obviously the mums of those kiddies will expect help too (they are the daughters-my SIL's)

It's not so much the holiday it's the choice of destination. I'd happily go somewhere closer and cheaper so if I do sit inside all day I won't feel like I've wasted too much money. God I sound so selfish I really don't mean to! It's just a worry for me Smile

OP posts:
SquattingNeville · 18/06/2014 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnomeDePlume · 18/06/2014 21:23

You are not being selfish. Your PiL are being selfish to expect everyone to stump up such a ridiculous amount of money and time for a very minor 'big' birthday.

Oh and your DP expecting to leave you to run around after what are also his children sounds totally bone idle.

My DH will be 50 this year and will probably celebrate with a nice bottle of wine. DCs will be encouraged to get him nice cards and a small gift.

SecretRed · 18/06/2014 21:24

You don't sound selfish, your dp however sounds like a selfish arse.

Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:25

Hi squatting no the £2000 is per person so would be £4000 in total for us.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 18/06/2014 21:29

I stand corrected, just can't imagine being a MIL at 50 Grin - or 60 for that matter. I had my child at 43 so if he follows suit I won't be a MIL until my 80s - and hopefully can avoid all the MIL issues. Smile

Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:30

This is going to sound extreme, but I'd feel like I'd be paying 2k to go to prison for a week! Ok slightly dramatic I know...Wink

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 18/06/2014 21:30

No, no way you would want to go on a 9 hour flight with a toddler and a 4 month old...

to a hot tropical destination....

You, d be spending most of the time indoors while they,re sleeping.

Waste of money.

I did it with my 20 month old. It was great but of course everything revolves around them - which is as it should be!

Take plenty of books! Grin

sherbetpips · 18/06/2014 21:32

I honestly think you will have a great time, especially if there are other mums there. As for dad saying he would rather sunbathe stand up for yourself and agree a schedule each day when you can relax (not including there nap time!) and stick to it that includes a couple of nights were you get to have the cocktails and he stays sober. No hero mum antics. Bermuda is awesome go for it and the flights are not that bad.

PrimalLass · 18/06/2014 21:32

If your 'D'P has already said he won't help then what an arsehole. I wouldn't go.

Chocotrekkie · 18/06/2014 21:33

I would say to dh that yes I will go as long as you do half the work.

Lazy bugger.

MaryWestmacott · 18/06/2014 21:34

what, you're expected to pay?!?! Say no!

Actually how about, at 3-4 months old, you might not be able to get a passport, and your DC won't have had all their jabs yet. You can't possibly know what their health will be like and you don't want to take a baby that far, plus with a new baby and the drop in income/increase in costs, you can't afford it.

If FIL wanted to arrange a holiday somewhere cheaper and shorter haul, say a cottage in the UK, or a villa in Spain, you'd sign up for that.