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Original poster

Do I have to go on holiday with MIL for her 50th?!

92 replies

Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 20:47

MIL is 50 next June and my 2nd baby will be due in February. Still early days pregnancy wise but I still want to look ahead to this.

FIL is planning a surprise trip for MIL for her 50th including all the family. He's suggesting somewhere like Bermuda or the Bahamas which will cost a fair bit of money for a luxury holiday - we're in England.

The point I'm trying to make to DP is, how practical is it for me to go away with a 3 year old and a 3/4 month old on a long haul flight? I'll have no help and I won't be able to enjoy the holiday. In my view, after spending close to £2k on a holiday where I won't be able to sit in the sun or drink merrily, it will be pretty pointless and disappointing for me. DP has said it will be rude of me to stay at home. Am I being really negative? I know it's ages away but it's really got my goat Hmm

OP posts:
WTFlike · 18/06/2014 21:34

But you're okay about your husband saying he won't care for his children when on holiday?!

I wouldn't cross the road with the fucker.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 18/06/2014 21:35

I travelled short haul when my DC were a couple of months and had lovely holidays but I don't think I would do long haul. Of course it's doable but chasing a toddler around, feeding a new baby as DH snoozes in the sun is not good value at 2k a person

TravellingToad · 18/06/2014 21:35

If your DP says he wont be looking after the children on holiday then it's conversation over as far as I'm concerned.

I think this is about deeper issues in the relationship to be honest. Your DP sounds like an arse. He wants you to come along with them to provide childcare for his holiday. madness.

Iflyaway · 18/06/2014 21:35

I, m also lol at mil at 50. lucky escape

I, m 59 and DS is going into 3rd year uni... (22).

BitOutOfPractice · 18/06/2014 21:36

I know it's not an AIBU but, for the record, YANBU.

I wouldn't do it.

I suggest our DH goes by himself. Then when he comes back, jet off by yourself and leave him with the DC

It is simply beyond my comprehension that in 2014 a father would say that they won't "help" (let's not even go there with the implication behind the word "help" Hmm )

He's the part of this you shoul dbe worried about. Entitled arse

rollonthesummer · 18/06/2014 21:36

Your DH is being a selfish tit. What parent says they want to spend their holiday sitting in the sun-when it obviously means the other parent has to do all the work to enable that??

SquattingNeville · 18/06/2014 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaitingForMyMam · 18/06/2014 21:38

Your DP sounds like an utter, utter arse.

OffLikeADirtyShirt · 18/06/2014 21:42

Tell your DP the only way you'll go is if he takes care of the toddler 100% of his time and you take care of the baby. "Enjoy" his holiday? He's got 2 kids and a wife, not hired help so he can "enjoy his holiday"

tribpot · 18/06/2014 21:45

So just to be clear, you have to save to go on this holiday? Why isn't your DP paying when it's a holiday with his family?

On top of that, the whole pack of them will leave you to run ragged after a toddler and a newborn? Why in the name of fuck would you consider going? It'd be highly debatable even if you weren't having to save up.

Just tell DP you won't be saving up for this trip. End of.

Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:48

Thanks guys Smile

If the destination changed to a freebie in benidorm for a week, now that would be a slightly different story Wink

But no, I see what you are saying, it's DP that would need to help. I think that would have to be the agreement. In fact I think it would need to be in writing, signed and witnessed!

Don't get me wrong I love a sunny holiday! But as we all know things change when children come along

OP posts:
museumum · 18/06/2014 21:48

Why the hell should you do any more childcare on holiday than their father? It should be 50/50 on holiday. And in fact my dh does more than half on holiday because he sees our ds less in the working week and misses him.

I wouldn't go anywhere with a father who isn't going to look after his own children!

tribpot · 18/06/2014 21:48

In fact, why isn't FIL paying if he's insisting everyone go that far to celebrate the 50th?

BitOutOfPractice · 18/06/2014 21:49

OP, no, he shouldn't "help" he should take equal parental responsibility for the DC that are just as much his as yours.

But I get a feeling that that will not happen

rollonthesummer · 18/06/2014 21:50

I can't believe your in laws are suggesting this and nobody is saying they can't afford it?! Other people must have a lot more money than us!!

Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:53

I know rollon! I'd rather save for Christmas and things for the new arrival, plus DP wants to move and get a bigger car in time for baby so saving a total of 4k should be interesting....

OP posts:
Original poster
Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 21:54

I feel like FIL is being a little short sighted. But on the other hand you're only 50 once?!

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 18/06/2014 22:03

He thinks you're being negative and rude yet has already said that you can do all of the extensive childcare work on the holiday while he relaxes? Shock

What an arse. No I wouldn't go.

SanityClause · 18/06/2014 22:05

So, FIL wants you to spend £4K on a trip to celebrate your MIL's birthday? And your "D"P has made it clear that he doesn't intend to look after the children at all on holiday, as he'd rather lie in the sun?

Bugger that for a game of soldiers!

(If it was AIBU, YWNBBU!)

mellicauli · 18/06/2014 22:06

I wouldn't go. It is a ridiculous amount to spend on a birthday surprise. If I was to spend 4k on a holiday, I would want to choose the destination and timing that meant I could fully enjoy it.

However the more pressing issue is how you can stick with a husband who is not interested in his children?

SquattingNeville · 18/06/2014 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CiderwithBuda · 18/06/2014 22:18

I agree you are only 50 once. Having just turned 50 last month. And nowhere near being a MIL yet as DS is only 12!

I went to New York wth two of my sisters - their idea. Wouldn't have suggested anything as expensive for them but they wanted to go anyway so we planned trip for my birthday. I wouldn't dream of insisting anyone spent so much money for my birthday!

But I think your biggest issue is your 'D'P saying he would want to 'enjoy' his holiday. What about you??? He sounds a charmer.

NormHonal · 18/06/2014 22:28

My family goes in for this type of holiday-celebration nonsense. Hmm

Before DCs, we would have, and did, go on these types of trips. I was earning then and we could afford it.

After DCs....we vetoed more exotic/expensive destinations and have ended up in shared cottages etc in this country, much easier with babies and young DCs in tow.

I suppose they will have to decide if the holiday or your company is more important?

£4k is a helluva lot of money to ask someone else to spend on a birthday, albeit a big one.

You could start saving for her 60th though?

TravellingToad · 18/06/2014 22:37

Get out of your head the thought of him "helping" you

He is the equal parent of those children.

Until you can get your head around his responsibilities you won't be able to effectively explain/enforce them to DP

Pagwatch · 18/06/2014 22:42

I've taken my dc on 8/9 hour flights when they were very small.
When I fly there are always babies on flights.
I think 'I don't think it's reasonable to fly with a toddler and a baby' is nonsense really.

But I think going on a long flight and a holiday with a dh who does fuck all is not an option.