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Holidays

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Original poster

Do I have to go on holiday with MIL for her 50th?!

92 replies

Bangonthedoor · 18/06/2014 20:47

MIL is 50 next June and my 2nd baby will be due in February. Still early days pregnancy wise but I still want to look ahead to this.

FIL is planning a surprise trip for MIL for her 50th including all the family. He's suggesting somewhere like Bermuda or the Bahamas which will cost a fair bit of money for a luxury holiday - we're in England.

The point I'm trying to make to DP is, how practical is it for me to go away with a 3 year old and a 3/4 month old on a long haul flight? I'll have no help and I won't be able to enjoy the holiday. In my view, after spending close to Â£2k on a holiday where I won't be able to sit in the sun or drink merrily, it will be pretty pointless and disappointing for me. DP has said it will be rude of me to stay at home. Am I being really negative? I know it's ages away but it's really got my goat

OP posts:

juneau · 21/06/2014 13:55

I won't have help from DP, he admittedly has said he would rather sit in the sun and enjoy his holiday

WTF? Are these his DC too?????

Tell him you'll go, but only if he does 50% of the childcare. I'm sure he'd like to sit in the fucking sun - wouldn't we all? But having kids and taking them on holiday means you really don't get much of a holiday! So if he wants to kick back in the sun he should leave you and the DC at home, if you're prepared to put up with that arrangement (I'm not sure I would be, but its up to you).

expatinscotland · 21/06/2014 14:07

The OP isn't married.

£4k on a holiday where you are the babysitter?

He doesn't 'help out'.

You have bigger problems than this holiday, but your partner would go alone to it.

Asheth · 21/06/2014 20:39

Your DP seems to want it both ways - a fa

mily holiday to maintain the happy family image but is not prepared to do any of the work it entails. If he wants you to go he needs to do half the work. And prove that will do it by doing half now.

With help it could be a fantastic holiday. Without it's just an expensive photo opportunity for your DP.

hoobypickypicky · 21/06/2014 20:51

Sweetheart, don't go. It will be misery. Save the £2K you'd spend on the 'holiday'. where the father of your children expects you and you alone to care for them.

Spend it on a good lawyer instead and secure maintenance, a home for you and the DC and a happy life without a selfish, lazy wankbadger.

And thank your lucky stars that his parents aren't your mother and father in law.

antimatter · 02/08/2014 15:03

send him with your older DC - then you will get a break

wafflyversatile · 02/08/2014 15:23

Even on a shorthaul your DH won't be helping so the decider is the flight length?

I think sending DH and older DC is a not bad solution.

A better solution would be kicking DH out until he decides his children are his responsibility too.

elfycat · 02/08/2014 15:37

You have a potential nightmare coming up. Remember 'No' is a complete sentence.

I've had to explain to DH in very small words that a holiday with young children is not a 'holiday' but a full on adventure in which he had to participate. This after he sodded of on a full dive package while I had the ends of a flu-like cold, BF DD2 and had a 3 year old in a hot country.

We went on PILs idea of a celebratory holiday last year. Initially they wanted a hot foreign holiday but neither of us like them, and we had 2 pre-schoolers. Then they wanted one happy household over my dead body... or possibly DH's dead body depending on mood . Eventually we went on the worst holiday I've had in a long time, even worse than the hot-ill-DH off diving trip.

We will never spend an overnight with them again. not at their house, not at ours and not away. I include SIL in that vow. Luckily DH is in full agreement and was disgusted with his family.

Taz1212 · 03/08/2014 09:51

That would be my idea of hell. When DD was 3-4 months old, I refused to go on holiday with her. DH took MIL and DS away for a week and it was pure bliss just DD and me pottering about and taking loads of naps!

Send DH away with your older DC!

Chiana · 14/08/2014 02:30

Don't go. It'll be hell.

Glastokitty · 14/08/2014 03:41

Your 'partner' is an arse. He is your problem, not the holiday.

Glastokitty · 14/08/2014 03:53

Your 'partner' is an arse. He is your problem, not the holiday.

Eastpoint · 14/08/2014 04:09

Bermuda is a very easy destination, it's only 4 hours behind & it's a shorter flight than to New York. It takes quite a bit longer to get to the Bahamas but again it is a very easy & safe destination.

I think you are rebelling against being told where & how to spend your money rather than thinking it would be fun to go on a nice holiday somewhere more interesting than Centrw Parcs. While the children are little it is lovely to go to a white sand beach with warm water, in Bermuda the sea will be around 80F, heaven. Your baby will be sleeping & eating a lot so you'll be able to rest in the hotel room while your partner plays your the older child outside. Two year olds normally nap & if you're lucky you'll be able to have an afternoon rest in the a/c each afternoon in peace.

Maybe FIL will pay for your flights so you can come?

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 04:19

I thought you were being a bit unreasonable...until I saw what your DP said.

Bugger that for a joke!! Tell him the 1950s called and want his parenting handbook back.

Oblomov · 14/08/2014 04:33

I don't understand either. Are you always so completely negative?
You could have the best time ever. I would. People fly with 2 young children all the time. I did, to Florida, and had the best time, ds2 sleeping in the shade, when necessary.
All this 'I'll have to be indoors' stuff is not necessarily true.
I wouldn't be able to wait! I'd go with the attitude that I was bound to have a fab time, and I bet I would!!

nooka · 14/08/2014 05:13

A long haul flight with a toddler and a tiny baby is a long long way from my idea of fun. At four months the baby is unlikely to be sleeping through, and the OP says she is FF so will have all the hassle of bottles and sterilizing to manage. If she has a difficult birth I can't imagine that sitting on a plane for eight hours or so will be much fun either, even without the work of managing the toddler and new baby. If she just had the one child (and a supportive partner instead of a waste of space) then maybe it might be an enjoyable prospect, but otherwise it sounds like something to avoid.

Plus going on holiday with your ILs is generally tricky regardless!

Also OP have you thought about leaving your partner? He sounds really really crap. If that's just a bit annoying now, when the new baby comes along I suspect it will really really piss you off (or it certainly should do).

MexicanSpringtime · 14/08/2014 05:56

If you think it will be stressful, I fear that might be a weight hanging over you during the precious first few months with your new baby.

I must admit I don't like the sound of your husband. But you sound perfectly happy with him and you won't have other women fighting to take him off you.

LoveBeingInTheSun · 14/08/2014 06:02

What a selfish bellend he is, he can't see why you wouldn't want to pay £2k to look after two kids on your own in another country? If he wants you to go so bad he can pay for it seeing as he wouldn't be doing anything else.

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