Any other Freshers finding it hard to get into studying?

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Hi all,

Dc started university three weeks ago after a year out working and doing voluntary work. Very, VERY up and down - anxious, homesick, feeling overwhelmed etc. Not been away from home much, so big adjustment. Came home for a few days as had Covid-like virus, but did go back.

Told me yesterday that they've hardly been to any lectures and aren't interested in studying. Bit of a surprise, as generally been fairly studious/self-motivated previously. Discussed going to speak with someone about swapping courses, but not sure.

Some seminars cancelled by strike action, which I get is demotivating and unsettling when you've just started. But lots in the same boat.

Can't work out if this is settling in/finding feet blues or actually university isn't the right thing for them at the moment. Dc has gone round in circles with uni isn't right for me/but I want to get a degree/what else will I do at the moment?

My general advice has been just keep going, speak with tutor, fake it til you make it, one day at a time etc. It was a long time ago that I did my UG, but I do remember lots of students seemed to flouder for a bit, esp on low contact courses like the one she's doing (humanities).

Any similar experiences at all, or words of wisdom?

TIA

What was your DC's motivation to do the course she's currently on?

Interested in the subject, wanted to do it at 'A' level but her school didn't do it. Got a high grade in a related subject though and wants to get a degree.

My dc is also at a striking university and it means the studying part is a disaster currently. She often isn't told if lectures or seminars are going to happen and has stopped traveling 40 plus minutes on the off chance they are happening.
But she is building friendships and going out socializing.
She is working online and having to teach herself which really sucks.
My advice would be not to stress, it's just a really bad start and until they start teaching properly you don't know what the university experience will actually be like.

I would be worried that they are skipping lectures at this early stage when everything should be new and exciting.
Also with low contact hours, they should be spending a lot of time doing set reading etc, and should probably be starting on coursework assignments. They will get along way behind very quickly.
What are they doing with their time? Could there be mental health issues at play?

Is her motivation for wanting to get a degree in this subject she's interested in something beyond just learning about this subject or is it going to lead her to employment in a specific field that requires graduates or post-grad degrees? I think that's going to be important in what might serve to motivate her to continue with something that for whatever reasons she's not enthused about.

I agree. They really need to get into good study habits now. Universities aren't school and students don't get chased or reminded about outstanding work.

Universities take no prisoners when it come to exams either, if they fail any they get a chance to resit. If they fail again they may be able to redo the year. If not they are out.

Also, the work ramps up a lot in year two.

I know this sounds harsh, but this is the reality of university. Students need to be self starters as no-one else is going to do it for them.

What was her school like?

years ago when I was at uni some kids from high performing schools/private school arrived with excellent grades but didn’t know who to self study. They’d been given the content and were used to working with direction.

some of us from crappy state schools did better because we knew how to go away and find the stuff out because no one was walking us through it.

although I remember a few skipped lectures at start of term due to partying…

maybe she needs a study plan? How many hours, even if it’s just go to lecture, read over notes when she gets home? Set herself half an hour of surfing the internet on the topic and see what she can expand her knowledge on?

I wonder whether changing to a local uni would be better. No homesickness and a bit of parental oversight to give you more of a push to go. It’ll be like being in college then, presuming DC handled college well.

I am just going to repeat myself and take a guess here. But if she is going to Edinburgh the teaching is in complete shambles, there is no consistent timetabling and almost no academic student support in some departments. It is nothing like a normal university experience.
Try and encourage her to attend the lectures that she knows are happening but also encourage her to build friendships.

No because I reminded her that she was paying a thousand pounds a month to go to the lectures to learn the stuff and that she wanted to go to university and that if she wanted to lie down all day she could have done that at home for free.

She will have access to lecture recordings so she’s not having to teach herself any more than the people who go to lectures are. It’s the same amount of content.

I have read elsewhere that some privately educated students struggle more with independent self-directed learning compared to their state school peers. Then I found this, which is interesting.

https://forgepress.org/do-privately-educated-students-have-an-advantage-at-university/

I expect I will now get parents of loads of privately educated students for whom this is not the case saying that it is rubbish, and for most of them it will be.

I agree with this. I drummed it into DD that it was stupid to miss anything when she was paying over £9k a year. But also she really enjoyed the subject so found all of it interesting.

I would really worry about her falling behind, all unis are different but at DD's not all lectures go online and sometimes only PowerPoints and summaries, and definitely none of the seminars.

Does she really want to be there or would she be better leaving before the fees are due? She can always go back when she knows what she really wants to study.

This is hilarious- love it when undergrads try to sound intelligent by using big words while constructing unintelligible arguments

"Why should private schools be allowed to construct their own national curriculum, avoid mainstream Ofsted inspections, or even employ unqualified teaching staff? This leaves a lot of room for the private sector to fabricate and construct the overachievement of private school pupils- whilst following their own unsupervised protocols"

Um, what?

I'll be honest. I didn't read it all 😳

Thanks all. When are fees due btw?

School was on the 'crappy comp' end of the spectrum. Definitely not spoon fed.

I agree that she needs to get into good habits now. She has essays due at the end of the month, so I think I need to take a deep breath and let her figure that out for herself a bit. She was saying yesterday that she always went into work shifts, even if she didn't feel like it or was anxious, which is true. I guess the difference with university is that you're not letting others down if you don't show up.

What I really want is someone to tell me it will be okay, which just can't happen. She needs to wNt this for herself.

If she's 3 weeks in she has probably missed the 'no fees' window, but if she leaves before Christmas, she only pays 25%. However she would need to pay back any maintenance loan that she has been paid, but no longer entitled to (ie the money given for the time between when she leaves and when the next payment would have been due). You also need to consider her accommodation. In some cases she will be liable for the cost for the whole length of contract, sometimes that is waived if a replacement tenant can be found, and sometimes unis will waive it completely, so worth checking her tenancy contract.

Thanks, yes the costs are a consideration of course. I'm hoping that now she's met a few people and worked out the practicalities of shopping, cooking, laundry, and the bombardment of Fresher's emails has subsided a bit, she'll have space in her head to focus on what she's actually there for.

Fingers crossed. She only has a couple of friends at home who are working or studying full-time and has quite a lonely gap year, so I hope it doesn't come to her leaving.

My DS found the first year at Uni very hard to adjust to. They had been doing voluntary work for a year in a European capital and found massive reverse culture shock starting at Uni where most students had come straight from school. This contrasted with the people they were volunteering with during their year out who were post Uni on a government community service scheme. So DS found their uni contemporaries young and in his eyes 'over privileged' - silly in our view given he's had a very comfortable background but pointless arguing with strong minded 19 year olds.

He also did a subject with limited contact time and different timetable each week which they found hard. They found the lack of a structure compared to school very difficult. The first term or two were hard. They took solace in sport and clubbing. By the summer of first year it was much better.

In retrospect I wish I'd been more aware that they were finding it so difficult and it has taken a while to unpick the mental health impacts though they did make excellent friends and really got into their subject in their second year.

Not sure this helps you at all except to say they did get into their studies - ended up with a good degree and are half way through post grad training which will give them a job for life. So my thoughts would be continue doing what your doing - support your DC and keep asking gentle open questions about their well being and work - even though they may not answer them. Hang in there - parenting doesn't get easier just different :)

Thank-you, Juja. That is incredibly helpful. Yes, indeed, parenting is a marathon not a sprint.

My son's girlfriend is at uni and (at least until the end of last week) hasn't been to a lecture yet. The longer she leaves it, the harder it gets. I'm sure she's not the only one.

In my experience (with two DCs recently gone to university in different years), the most important aspect to encourage them in is having an open mind. I can see why your DS felt others were "young" but I am surprised he felt this reflected "over-privilege". His ability to volunteer (presumably unpaid) for a year demonstrates a degree of privilege and parental funding that the vast majority of students could never envisage. I think willingness to study is actually often linked to how much they are feeling comfortable at uni and so I agree with you that it is worth OP exploring with gentle open questins about well-being. But I also think it is no bad thing, as others have said, to say that this is an expensive investment (presumably by them if they have taken out loans) and so they really need to commit to the study or take the decision to leave. I don't want to minimise that decision at all but I do think it is quite a binary choice that they need to make early on.

Have they not started yet or can she not be bothered?

Yes I agree it makes rational sense to commit to studying; I was very much using privilege in quotation marks as it was odd given his own background. I suppose what I was saying we as parents can think our DC are not rational as they don't always respond as we consider to be rational. But I'm sure I'm often not rational. We all have our own quirks, sensitivities and prejudices.

I frequently encouraged DC to be open minded. But the passion of youth is a force. And his passion is now really helping him in his career. As I mentioned he worked incredibly hard from second year onwards - it just took adjustment - so this was a tale meant to reassure the OP. I slotted into Uni easily as did my DC2 but for some it just takes longer.

(BTW DC raised all his money for year of volunteering himself. We didn't give him any money at all towards the year and interestingly within 3 weeks the charity had put him on the books as he was the only person with a driving licence and they needed a driver.)

Yes and no . Tow of mine were at uni during covid . One got on with online lectures the other ones grades suffered as they could ask lecturers questions during lectures irl so r talk to the tutors after plus she didn’t get on with listening online.