Autistic DD struggling with Halle of residence kitchen filth

[Jeezitshard]

My daughter is in her first year at Newcastle. She has a lovely room in halls with her own bathroom. The issue is the communal kitchen and lounge. She is autistic and has some sensory issues and experiences overwhelm when circumstances build up beyond her control. I’d warned her that student have dealt with kitchens could be grim but nothing could have prepared her like living with it. There are 8 of them sharing a kitchen. Both sinks are full with dirty dishes and bits of pasta, rice, soggy cereal, there are rotting vegetables leaking their juices over the worktops, if the bins are full they just keep filling it so there’s food all over the floor. She is loving uni but this three weeks in doesn’t bode well for the rest of the year. She’s living with mainly party animals - no one really like her. She’s making good friends outside of the flat but ‘home’ should be somewhere you can relax not somewhere you dread. She spoke to the accommodation office who said it wasn’t bad enough for an intervention. I’ve since emailed them to enquire about a smaller/ single sex/ quiet flat or even if there is any studio availability which she didn’t really want but might be better in the long run. Just wondering how other people’s YP have dealt with issues like this.

DS, who is pretty messy himself and not autistic, struggled with this, and it added to his unhappiness. He was quite applled by the hygiene standards of his flatmates.He ended up not cooking and living on Subways and toasties in his room, along with pizza deliveries. It didn't end well, he didn't finish the first year. If we could have got him into a smaller flat with more house-trained non-party animals,things may have worked out better.
It's well worth keep going back to the accommodation office, I suspect quite a few students leave and spaces may well come up in other flats. I think there is very little chance of managing the cleanliness in the big flats with the kitchen being used by 8 or more people. In a smaller flat, it becomes more obvious who is making the mess.

She needs to buy some thick rubber gloves and keep a supply of her own cooking items and crockery in her room. I really hope she can move somewhere else.

Has she engaged with student support? It needs to be expressed that she won’t last a year in the current shared accommodation.

Tale as old as time. I remember spending days at the end of every term scrubbing the disgusting kitchens because nobody else would. One mouldy sausage tin gone green is firmly in my memory, and a rotten bag of mushrooms under the couch.

Not much she can do. I tried to manage mine with sectioned off areas of the counter, chore charts, rotas. Never worked.

Buy her a sink strainer for the plugs. Also while she’s technically unlikely to be allowed I’d get her a single electric hob and a kettle for her room. That way she can make food on the down low. She should hide it during inspections.

Contacting accommodation about a transfer is probably the best way forward. Rooms do come up. I know several young people who have transferred rooms early in the first term due to incompatible flatmates, and it was a good mood for all of them.

Yes, do ask for a transfer. Not all students live like this. My DD has started this September too and, although she isn’t autistic, she is very particular about kitchen cleanliness and I had warned her to expect mess and dirt. So far, she says everyone is pretty clean and tidy and respectful of the shared space. They are all girls.

Could she transfer to a catered hall, often they still have use of kitchens but because food is provided she wouldn't need to cook in them if they were gross.

Ugh I still remember the time I wasted trying to keep our shared kitchen clean (2 girls, 2 boys). What a waste of my time. I basically became their slave and I regret it.
I don't think she will be able to change it.
Just tell her to make sure she does not waste her time cleaning everyone else's crap, because it is "tempting" to straighten everything up.

Actually I think it did improve slightly after the first few weeks. But with 8 people it's very hard as everyone hides behind each other.
I'd try and move her.

Is she connected to disability services? They might be able to intervene to get her transferred.

Definitely consider transferring sooner rather than later in Term 1 - I did exactly the same in my 1st year at Exeter way back in 2012. Horrific party halls, kitchen and even corridors atrocious. Never even a good night of sleep. Many students dominate communal spaces aggressively and it has such a negative effect on MH.

I ended up moving to the 'least desirable' halls, in the basement floor, with a tiny communal alley kitchen, but only 2 other students lived down there! Because it was likened to prison cells hahaha - but that was heaven to me in comparison. So peaceful, full reign of the kitchen usually, etc. All kept nicely clean. No suspicious food thievery.

I think those halls were demolished shortly after (Moberley, I think?) Lmao. But moving there for 2nd term changed everything.

I can't remember if my parents got a refund because I was living in much cheaper halls for Term 2. Probs not sadly, but I'm sure they were happier without me calling up multiple times a week in sleep deprived tears.

I'm sure your DD will make her way through one way or another - you sound like such a supportive parent :) catered halls are a good idea, too.
And having friends from course is so positive! Hopefully they can make a nice, friendly and respectful little group to move into a uni houseshare with in 2nd year 🙏

DD (also autistic) was in a similar position last year in a supposedly quiet all women flat in university halls. After the first term battling the kitchen she got really down and the accommodation office were great allowing her to end her contract and she moved into a studio flat in a private block. Best decision ever, completely changed her outlook - no more anxiety about who was in the kitchen, whether it would be clean enough to cook, no confrontations etc. Keep pushing either for a move to other uni accommodation or look for vacancies in other student facilities. Good luck.

Does the halls not have senior students/supervisors living in the building? When I was a student our kitchen got really messy one weekend and the senior student reported us and got the building manager in to shout at us!

This is very much a standard feature of life in university accommodation, I'm afraid. Most university halls with shared kitchen are not going to be clean, quiet and full of home-bodies. Communal areas in undergraduate uni flats are not orderly and tranquil spaces. They're just... not. Of course she ought to able to relax at home, but she has her own room for that. A communal kitchen isn't going to be a peaceful haven.

She can ask to be considered for alternative accommodation and hope that something comes up, but honestly, you'd be naive to think that single-sex accommodation will necessarily be less chaotic, or that quieter people will be less likely to let the bins overflow.

The halls I was in at uni had a separate floor for mature international students. A friend ended up there and it was much calmer and tidier!

Going down the reasonable adjustment/disability services route is probably her best bet.

Exact same situation this time last year - different city, room in the halls known as Party Central.
A room came free in a flat with three students from DD's course and she asked me if she could move. Two days later she was in her new quiet place. The kitchen was never very clean but it wasn't stinking of vodka, and they sat around doing homework together instead of bringing random strangers in.

I’ve never known any halls to have that… and I’ve lived in 4!

DD has regular inspections early on in halls. I think they were training them into putting out the bins regularly. Are the communal areas cleaned by staff or the students? Having the cleaner read the riot act at them all can be very helpful.
Are there any autism friendly or quiet accommodations to go on a list for?

I am autistic and basically ended up being halls mum - did all the cleaning to keep kitchen to my own standard. Took time each day but first year you have the spare time.

Meant my housemates loved me though they were shocked the next year when i went and lived with 2 clean non-halls mates and they realised what pigs they’d been living like.

They were pretty horrific when I was at uni. It got to the point I didn’t really use the kitchen other than to heat up a ready meal. I also ate a lot of meal deal sandwiches.
If she can transfer that would be good but if not just avoid the kitchen

Her own washing up bowl so she can keep her own stuff clean - kept in her room when not in use.
A nice big chopping board so she can prepare her own food without worrying about the state of worktops/tables - again keep in room
Consider a small air fryer - she can keep the drawer in her room so no one else can use it.

Own washing up bowl is a good idea. She can just wash her stuff then throw the water down the sink - even if that means having to throw it over the dirty dishes sitting there. And actually although she has two plastic chopping boards a big wooden one might be an idea in terms of feeling she has her own worktop.

Unfortunately communal areas have to be kept clean by the students.

She’s not expecting tidy - just not to have to mop up other people’s rotten veg juice that’s all over the worktops before having to cook her own food. And to have the bins taken out by someone other than her. She broached it with the major culprit who told her ‘I’m doing my best luv’ which has really got her goat.

I’ve told her this and have mentioned it in my email to the accommodation office.

What about a pair of gloves, a washing up bowl and she can wash up and then dry on the side?
And for her kitchen rubbish a roll of small bin bags that she disposes in local bin. It’s not ideal. My autistic DS was also horrified by his kitchen and so was I when I saw the state of it.

I agree girls can be pigs too - the request is more that she doesn’t mind being single sex - even though when applying for halls she thought mixed was her preference. Now she doesn’t care if it’s all girls - all quiet - I personally think a 4 bedder would be the best option but it’ll be a case of wait and see what’s available. I lived in halls with utter pigs - we had mice everywhere. Then in second and third year lived with all girls - it was just as bad - mice in the second year - rats in the third year.