Fledglings 2026 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[ComingInByAnsible]

A thread for parents of Year 13 leavers as they go on to universities, apprenticeships and other new adventures.

DS is off to Warwick to study PPE.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/further_education/5554770-year-13-20262027-support-thread-1

@Meadowfinch good to hear he has been speaking to people now.

Great to hear drop offs are going well.

I think DS and I bought the whole of Dunelm today 🤣

Still a week and a bit to go now and it's just hit me aaargh. All the organising was still part of normal home life and now the crunch. I kept saying - it'll soon be Christmas - and then realised it wouldn't be quite the same - when he comes back he'll have become independent.

Thats my DS off for his first induction day today. Hes living at home and commuting in on the train. Dropped him to the train station this morning for moral support , then tomorrow he will drive himself to the train station in his car! He is excited and a bit nervous, Me too! Got a text from him of 2 words..."Made It!"...that will do for now! Hoping everyone is getting on OK. Feels like a new beginning and the end of the Level 3 hustle and UCAS process.

@SilverBlue4 thank you 🙂

Mines happy , lovely course mates and lovely flatmates , except one whose turned up days later , not spoken to anyone , barricaded themselves in their bedroom and been smoking were non stop to the pint the whole flat reeks even everyone else’s bedrooms, He interacts with no one so they can’t even talk to him . It’s a shame . Because she hates being in her room because of how much it stinks . They all had their doors open all the time but now they can’t Normally wouldn’t bother her but this is round the clock .
even the kitchen stinks .

@RockyKeen - glad to hear your DD is getting on well. My DS is meeting a lot of new people and starting to enjoy himself, thankfully.

Is the solitary flatmate smoking weed? Whether it's tobacco, vaping or weed, legal or illegal, he is almost certainly in breach of his tenancy. I understand that uni and private halls are v strict about this, it's not like the old days when I went to university and smoking in your room was fine. I'm sure your DD and the other flatmates want to be kind and not get the guy into trouble, but they should probably report it to the building management, tbh.

It’s definitely not vaping or a cheeky spliff . This is full on the whole flat reeks . You can smell it from outside . They don’t want to report him
judt make him aware , but he speaks or interacts with no one , doesn’t even make eye contact .

I would most definitely report him then. it's a breach of the contract rules.

It does feel mean to report him for the other YP but they shouldn't have to passively smoke in their home! DS is very anti smoking and vaping so I would encourage him to do so.
Definitely report.

@RockyKeen I'd advise her to report it now. He's making a choice to be isolated and an unpleasant person to live with right from the start. Nip it in the bud but ultimately your daughter needs to act and you can be a listening ear.

We bought separate contents insurance for DC as it was the cheapest way by quite a bit to get laptop cover when out and about.

I’d also advise reporting him. Harsh as that may sound, my DS knows how it works out when you don’t, and it’s never good for anyone. He learned that the hard way. It also definitely helps if several of them speak up rather than just one person.

In 2nd year it was just my DS and one other person who spoke up (in a flat of 8), and while the management did step up, unfortunately the majority won out and as there were 4 of them causing the trouble, they largely got away with it.

In 3rd year, in a flat of 6, 3 of them spoke up and it made all the difference, even though the management company were generally crap, it was much harder for them to ignore half the flatmates complaining.

We are all packed and ready for the morning. Off to Notts. Everyone is very excited but then it hits me that she won’t be back until Xmas. She’s very sociable so my main worry is that she’ll enjoy herself a bit too much!

She doesn’t really want any trouble. She was gong to suggest they all speak to him together and if not then report it. Good thing is all the others are lovely . She’s with unite not sure how helpful they are.

That does depend on what you are speaking up about. Smoking in nonsmoking halls is likely to get more of a response than eg music or general mess in the kitchen as more likely to invalidate insurance and may indicates someone is tampering with smoke alarms. Not to mention the damage to the room itself eg needing a new mattress.

We are off on Saturday. Leaving at 11.30 as it’s a 2 and a half hour journey to Bath. My daughter has two open empty suitcases in her bedroom and currently she has about three objects in there plus one other bag of clothes. 🤦‍♀️😭 whenever I walk into her bedroom she says she doesn’t know what to pack. 🤦‍♀️ honestly I have a feeling she might be packing on Saturday morning in a panic. I’m being a good mum and not stepping in, she has to do this by herself but it’s hard when I’m the kind of person who would have packed everything by now and bags would be by the door! Solidarity with those also going this weekend. I know she’s going to love it, she already has half her hall mates on instagram and has met a few others on society whattsapp chats and has arranged to go to freshers events with them. So I really hope she’s going to love it 🤞

We're off tomorrow. Our house is a ball of stress. DD2 is ND with a good dollop of PDA and chaotic executive dysfunction. There is stuff everywhere. I am trying very hard to leave her to it. But even when I am quietly doing stuff in the background like putting her wash in the tumbie/hang out ....is wrong. Even though she would have left it wet until we needed to leave. Ill be glad when shes in.

@BurnoutGP Im quite glad Im at work tbh, so she has no choice but to do it herself. However, yesterday I had a text saying ‘when are you coming back so you can help me pack?’ I had to say politely that I would be back at 5, and thought she might be able to do it herself.. I did help a bit last night and Im really hoping that while Im at work today she does the bulk of it. Not holding my breath though. Luckily its not an early start tomorrow! I left at 7 this morning and her full wash basket was still sitting by the washing machine. I am hoping it wont be there when I get back…

I've left my daughter at home in bed. Her bedroom is an absolute midden and has been for years - a source of tension in the house but now is not the time. In terms of thinking things through and getting prepared academically she's been quite organised which is good as it's a very full on course and there are no resits!

She's got so much to do but a friend is coming over later to help her pack as she's been at university for a year and will know what not to take.😀We've done the non clothes stuff but I think only knickers and socks are sorted at this point! My husband is coming home early from work to help too and I'll be home by 5 but we are out for a meal at 6.

I really don't want our last evening together to end up with clothes being flung about at high volume...

Remember to pack winter clothes and coats!

Absolutely. I've been saying this to her on repeat. There are only so many little black tops that a woman needs.😂

I've taken today off to help pack, we need to leave before 8 tomorrow.
Luckily he's happy for me to help and I think we are mostly done now. He's ND and not very organised. He did get all washing done though so that's something.
Slight panic when I asked if he'd got his calculator (studying Maths) and he had no idea where it was. Turned up though, as he would otherwise have been buying himself a new one.

We’re off tomorrow morning and at this stage I’ve no idea how it’s all going to fit in the car. DD has got out all the clothes she wants to take, but I’ve had to be a bit ruthless to help her cut down a bit. She really doesn’t need 25 pairs of pants 😂