Missed offer- advice

[PinkChaires]

My DD missed her offer for the University of Manchester, which she was really hoping for, and she’s understandably very upset.
She does, however, have offers for Psychology at MMU, Leeds, Sheffield and Liverpool through clearing.
for many reasons she really wants to stay in Manchester and shes saying she will go to MMU. Its a tough pill to swallow given that she was a Law offer holder for UCL and UOM. Will it damage her career prospects? Any positives i can give her? Thanks

@IdisagreeMrHochhauser I said that and got deleted! Of course looking after a 2 year old is not fair and it’s seriously impinging on her career.

Please do everything you can to get her off to Uni, anything else is really not her burden to shoulder. Her mental health might just be all the better for it, too.

I think that’s why I had to post - I felt bad for OP at first but as the thread went on, she was completely oblivious to how her daughter is impacted by everything and focused on her own needs rather than what’s best for her daughter.

I don’t doubt OP is struggling, but it’s not her daughter’s cross to bear, especially as she chose to have another child despite struggling with her older child.

I think you should encourage her to go to MMU she has done really well despite her disadvantages. She needs to have this for herself. if she doesn't you will no doubt expect her to work to bring in money and look after your two year old and help with her brother and her life will become drudgery. You may then decide that she is invaluable and you can't have her going to university next year as you still need the help. Do you get carer's allowance for your husband? What does he do to help? How severe is his illness? Why isn't he looking after the 2 year old - I assume its his. Is he bed ridden? You could use the carer's allowance to pay for a carer and not do it all yourself giving you more time for your other parental responsibilities. Do not trap your daughter. She's saying all this about not going becase she has been guilt tripped . She absolutely fits the definition of a young carer and you should make sure she gets support in her own right.

I’ve thought about this thread a lot and hope your dd is ok.
For her to be holding a UCL and Uni of Manchester law offer to now considering MMU psychology to stay home as a carer is a massive risk if her settling for somewhere below her potential.
You can see how it will go - do you really need to go in for that lecture I’ve got to take Disabled sibling to hospital apt and no one to watch 2 yr old. It’s all online. Week after - you can miss a few tutorials I need you to have the toddler I’ve got a meeting at his school about his care plan. Why apply for that summer placement you know I need you at home in holidays when brother off school I can’t mind them both. Rinse and repeat.
UCL law needs a high LNAT and high predictions and is 1 in 8 acceptance.
She’s managed to get a high LNAT despite her home life.
My gut is gap year. Let her regroup and try and get support in place at home.
If she’s adamant she wants to go now then moving away would be in her best interest.
If the wheels fall off at home in her absence then social services will have to do something. But it isn’t her problem to solve.

From a financial point of view if she’s on maximum loan she’ll also probably qualify for none repayable bursaries.

She thinks that mentally shes not ready for retakes and her achieved grades wouldn’t be good enough for her to reapply. She also does like the coirse content and how its coursework based

It’s really disappointing (and outright selfish) that rather than encouraging her to achieve her full potential and start living life, you’re helping her come up with excuses to stay at home just because you want her to.

ABC are very good grades and she’s had 3 Russell Group University offers in clearing Leeds, Sheffield and Liverpool. In all likelihood if she reapplies for 2027 she’d get an offer from similar top 20 type universities especially if school put in reference about her being a young carer and MH struggles.
If MMU wasn’t in Manchester she wouldn’t have looked twice at it I suspect.
Ranking isn’t be all and end all but for an academic girl (she’s academic - achieving ABC is an amazing achievement with her home circumstances) then it’s selling herself short potentially and shouldn’t be rushed into.

Can you encourage her to speak to school asap? She urgently needs someone to tell her how fantastic she is and help her navigate through it all.

Would you consider showing her this thread?

We are getting the C remarked so naybe even higher chances? No tbh she wouldnt have, but she says if she hates it she will either transfer or apply again through UCAS. For the record, i have brought up the conversation about moving out or commuting several times, but shes scared of struggling socially as a commuter and wont entertain the idea of moving out. I have to agree that commuting wouldnt be ideal for her, she just wouldnt go after the first week.

shes seen it all

Shes got a meeting with HoH on Tuesday

Its also that her friends are mainly staying in Manchester and that shell know a lot of people at MMU

She absolutely is as my DS ( who does a lot less for his sister) is. I was quite surprised when the social worker mentioned it and got him registered, but actually he does have to be more independent than he otherwise would even if I don’t ask him to help with her, plus things like trouble studying while she’s having a meltdown.

So you say she doesn't want to commute & likes the idea of doing coursework. It's absolutely crucial for her to treat going to uni just like going to work. She gets up, she goes in, she goes to the library, she meets new people, she comes home in the evening.

There's a real risk that she will be guilt tripped into thinking that she only needs to go to a couple of lectures and can catch up later.

Many universities, especially with a high proportion of home based students, have areas for those who still live at home. Using these facilities & the library will help her find new friends, stretch her wings and compare notes with others facing similar challenges. She's no longer a compliant school girl. She needs this opportunity.

MMU psychology is a very different course to Manchester or Liverpool law. It's going to take some adjusting to. There will be labs, seminars and tutorials which she needs to attend. She can still become a lawyer, so she could join the MMU Law Society to keep that option open to her in the future.

@HewasH2O Joining a student law society doesn’t keep law options open. She would need the conversion course.

It's incredibly hard to get sponsorship for the law conversion & SQE, but it might help her decide if a career in law still interests her. With an unrelated degree from a lower tier uni, she would need every bit of help she could get.

She's gone from holding offers for law to deciding to do a psychology PhD in 24 hours, so reversing back to law could easy happen once the knee jerk response becomes reality.

I really don’t get all the negativity round MMU on here. Hundreds of students go there for all sorts of reasons. Loads commute who can’t afford to leave home etc It’s a long standing good uni as long as she does lots of cv building stuff she’ll be fine

That said OP I don’t think it’s fair that you rely on her so much to look after the toddler. She can’t do that whilst at uni.
did her caring role in reality effect her grades?

We’ve done a lot of research into the clinical psychology route. It doesn’t seem to matter at all where you got your degree but getting a first is an advantage - so in that respect, a slightly less competitive uni might be a better choice.

@HewasH2OYes. Most law conversion students don’t get sponsorship for it (few firms pay for it) but barristers to be might get scholarship money. It’s a huge gamble though and only the brightest should do it. It’s a slog and caring duties make most of these careers extremely difficult anyway. The family needs a rethink of how they operate!

This. I’m quite shocked that you have said several times that you don’t think she’s a young carer then talk about “the wheels falling off” if she moves away. Was any of the caring support she provides acknowledged when she did her A levels? As I’m sure her home situation has had a significant impact on final grades.
Your Dd needs to move away and become her own person. Take a gap year, then go so she she can focus on her. Her siblings are not and should not be her responsibility.

This is the third post about this. Your DD has posted too on here. And I’ve seen it on WIWIKAU.