Missed offer- advice

[PinkChaires]

My DD missed her offer for the University of Manchester, which she was really hoping for, and she’s understandably very upset.
She does, however, have offers for Psychology at MMU, Leeds, Sheffield and Liverpool through clearing.
for many reasons she really wants to stay in Manchester and shes saying she will go to MMU. Its a tough pill to swallow given that she was a Law offer holder for UCL and UOM. Will it damage her career prospects? Any positives i can give her? Thanks

The grade boundaries for some subjects have moved a lot this year. Almost all of DD’s cohort dropped a grade or 2 in one or two subjects.

Good luck with remark.
Has she got an EPQ?

In this case, she should choose the undergraduate course she wants then can switch to more prestigious for masters top up! She might even be able to do that with nhs funding on a masters apprenticeship. I did mine (not psychology) at Exeter university.

the readon why shes somewhat against a gap year is because the circumstances wont change. My son is profoundly disabled, and up until the start of y13 me and dh were able to be his carers. However my husband was diagnosed with coronary heart disease and i with chronic gynae problems. This means that i rely on her for my two year old. She also has ocd intrusive thoughts which means she struggles socially, and me and her both agree the most likely outcome would be her not going and so eventually dropping out. In terms of resitting because of her ocd she already struggled with revising and in a would be gap year she woild have no structure with no sixth form, so thats not likely to end up in the best case either

For psychology you don’t need a prestigious masters. You just need to get on one that suits your career path. The difficult bit is the work. My friend went from RG to ex poly for masters and now doctorate. But it’s a long haul and not easy to get what’s needed for the courses.

Others will have more practical advice to give but it sounds like your daughter has done amazingly well given everything that’s been going on in her life over the last couple of years. I’m sure she’s disappointed but I hope one day that she’ll be able to realise quite how well she’s done.

the readon why shes somewhat against a gap year is because the circumstances wont change. My son is profoundly disabled, and up until the start of y13 me and dh were able to be his carers. However my husband was diagnosed with coronary heart disease and i with chronic gynae problems. This means that i rely on her to help with care ith both her brother and mainly my two year old. She also had ocd

Whoops cut of a bit there, she also has ocd intrusive thoughts and struggles socially. The most likely outcome with both commuting and a gap year to resit would be depression and failing to engage

Well then she should go to MMU.

Believe me, Russell group ain't all that. The one of mine who has gone to a "new" uni has had a huge amount more contact time, nurturing and attention than the one who went to RG.

That sounds really difficult and she should be very proud of her grades achieved.
Wherever she goes she should make disability team aware of her home responsibilities and her ocd. She may qualify for DSA.
Is there anything at Salford that may suit?

This was me, same universities and degree 20 years ago… I went to Liverpool in the end to study Psychology but switch degrees (to a health related degree) as quickly decided I wasn’t going to be a Psychologist.

If moving away and commuting are definitely not possible I would recommend a gap year so she can find the right degree close to home without rushing in to it. My year studying psychology cost a small fortune and I wish I’d taken some time to think it through. I imagine it would be even more expensive now.

I would encourage her to take a gap year. If she's not already, could she access CBT therapy and medication for her OCD? She really needs to get that sorted so she can enjoy university. The remarks might move her up to ABB and give more options. She could resit one.

Also can your two year old not go to nursery?

I would be very wary about her running up lots of debt to go to a uni on a whim that isn't quite right so she can be a carer for a sibling. I don't mean to sound harsh, we have disabilities and illnesses in our family too so I know it is hard, but you need to find a way of this not defining her future. Arguably the pressures on her have already impacted her academically. Is there really no way you can release her from her caring obligations?

Also, it really isn't fair to be telling her you think her OCD means she'd drop out. That's juat setting the poor girl up to fail.

I havent told her that, she believes that and i agree. She is recieving both cbt and medication.

That sounds pretty unsustainable for an 18 year old who should be striking out on their own to form their own life. No wonder she has OCD with that amount of carer burden/stress placed upon her.

Perhaps it would be a positive thing to aim for university further afield so she can build her own life/relationships.

With kindness the problems (and they are substantial problems) your family faces should fall on you and your husband and should not be stopping her from leading her own full and meaningful life.

Do you know if her referree included the personal circumstances you have explained in the reference? She may qualify for a contextual offer (maybe as a young carer, as well as for ocd)

I would advise MMU - study something interesting, make some friends and get support for her mental health. Make use of the university health and wellbeing support. Are you and your dp facing long term chronic health problems or might things improve? This might allow her to stretch herself a bit further- study work experience etc. I would also focus on getting support for her brother and build a support system around your 2 year old - nursery/childminder/baby sitter. I speak as someone with a disabled son and other young adult children. It makes me sad when parents restrict their child because they are needed to provide care for others.

Yes whilst at mmu i will 100% move heaven and earth to enable her to use any opportunities she gets. If she moves away though, the whole family would genuinely be on its knees. Shes in fact the one also insisting that shes staying

I agree with this. It’s no wonder her mental health is poor with this going on.

I think you need to look to other forms of support than placing this on her shoulders - saying the whole family will be on its knees with her going is awful. Of course she’s insisting - she feels obligated to. As her parents you should be encouraging her to flourish and go.

I know this won’t be easy to read but this has genuinely shocked me.

Honestly where do i get this help? Social services are useless , he barely goes to school and they offer the same help again and again which hasnt worked. Is iy worth me posting about the family issue on mumsnet

check the contextual. i know of someone who didn't get contextual for orignal offer but on clearing they applied it for a different course same uni. Also did you notify university of this young carer role? if not do so now its really significant

Yes, plenty of people have been where you are and can advise.

I think you need to separate out what is best for DD and her mental health vs the family being on its knees - which shouldn’t really impact her choice.

That said, MMU is a decent uni with great pastoral support so this could be a good fit.

Has she tried for anything at Uni of Manc in clearing?

Will she speak to anyone at school or college to advise her? It’s a big decision on her own.
She realistically can’t be carer and full time student. If the 2 year old was her baby they’d expect her to have nursery in place.
It’s not like school. Even if she’s only expected to be in class 12 hours a week they expect another 25 hours a week studying on top.
If she’s not in a position to study full time I think it’s setting her up to fail and that will impact her MH.

As a curve ball and she really wants Manchester Uni then Environmental Science with Foundation year (or Earth and Planetary science) is still showing on UCAS for her grades level.

Sometimes a completely left field course can spark an interest.

Agree - most people don’t think to call, they just accept the automated process. My daughter did this and they lowered the offer to match her achieved grades. Always try.

We have unfortunately called and they wouldnt even hear about her circumstances